Yay, it’s Dancing With The Stars night!

We meet our dancers and whoa, there is a lot of skin (wow, Sara!) and some serious time spent in tanning beds since last week.

Cheryl has more instead of less - a long pony tail. But she and Emmitt look classy, unlike, well, let’s just say the show could have been called Boobs On Parade, k?

The two dances this week are Jive and Tango. Yikes.

First up will be Emmitt doing the tango with Cheryl. I liked the behind the scenes peek - and his wife is stunning! Very cool how well they support each other, despite the busy schedules.

He looks delightfully dapper and Cheryl is very sexy, the opening is a good one, but ohmygod can they puleeeeze get decent music selections and wow, just ouch on the guy attempting (I can’t say singing) this Robert Palmer song. (And Simply Irresistable for a tango? Really?) The song was just painful as they tried to work the tango to the odd beat, but they did the best they could. It’s supposed to be a very sexy dance and Cheryl definitely goes for it. Emmitt brings it (his fierce face was too cute) and the ending with the proposal and ring was fun, if shaky. I just…I just wish the music had worked. I think that was what threw them more than anything.

Judges? Len says he was very disappointed. Bruno said it lacked his usual charisma and I’ll agree, but again, the music was just odd, very hard to get any rhythm to - a shame they can’t pick their own! Carrie Ann (who is bringing the sexy hair tonight and her own boobs on parade) says she also didn’t think it was his best, but does credit him for the work he did and that he did lead. Scores - 7, 6, 6 for 19 (which is low, even for me.)

Next, we get Monique doing the jive with Louis! (But hey, stop with the fringe play, it’s kind of skeeving me a little. She’s a child, Louis!) And on top of that, Monique’s mom is coming to watch her perform, so really, be respectful here. Her mom is lovely and it’s clear how much this means to both of them. I hope she does well.

The music is waaaay better choice and wow the opening was wild and cute/fun. Nice job with the choreo Louis! He is a great instructor and clearly having a wonderful time. I think this is the best they’ve looked yet. Very enjoyable. She missed a few steps after her fringe caught on her heel, but she rebounded very nicely. I think she oversells it, but I can see where it’s hard to reign it in when you’re used to over-the-top stage performing. Still, even with the flaws, nice night for these two. It shows that Louis is very proud of her.

Judges? Len said it had vitality and fun. Bruno says she was full of joy and life and really raised the bar. Carrie Ann loved the opening risky leap (me too!) and had really nice things to say. Scores - 9,9,9 for 27 (which seems high to me - I was thinking more like 24.)

Next we have Harry with is tango. Hopefully with him being more stiff, this dance will suit him better. He and Ashly go see other tango dancers (he still looks too gaunt to me) but I think he’s got a better handle on this one. It’s a little corny, but he goes into this more as character in a role, and who knows, as an actor, maybe he’ll be less self conscious this way.

Their outfits are of Spanish flavor, and the music they get is much better suited for the dance. They start out nicely. It looks like his legs are a bit bent the whole time, but she is much shorter than he is, and they do the closed hold parts pretty well. For Harry. Ashly really sells it. The ending with the rose to Bruno is cute.

Judges? Bruno gives a little criticism, but is also kind. Carrie Ann appreciates his hard work but says he’s still a bit awkward. Len says he was great and Ashly squeals in delight. Scores - 7, 8, 7 for 22.

Now we get the smmmmmmmokin hot Maksim and Willa. Come on. These two are totally doing it. Yes, I said it. It’s a shame she doesn’t have the fan base, as that is clearly how this show is being driven, because these two? Dayum. She’s wearing a very brief Andrews Sister-y kind of outfit (well, there’s not much of it but what there is, is kinda 50’s) and it should be fun with the jive. The behind the scenes does reveal that these two have gotten very close, but the extended airplay of their arguing with one another is going to sink her with the few fans she had. A shame that, as I think that is just the way they are together. And she is one of the best female dancers on the show. The best really. Her little speech at the end probably didn’t endear her either as it came off more sour grapes than little engine that could. Ah well.

And here we go…and I am totally flummoxed by the music once again. I thought it was going to be some throwback 50’s tune with her outfit and instead they get modern hip hop. Shaking head here. It’s a fast paced song, but just…..no. Sigh. Very frustrating. It does them NO good and, in fact, hurts them. Both teams tonight who had horrible songs foisted on them struggled. These two are doing far better than Emmitt did, but she’s right - he has the fan base who will totally overlook that (and the behind the scenes was all glowing.) I think, though they did a great job, she’s doomed tomorrow night. Sorry, Willa! And, sob, no more Maks eye candy.

Judges? Carrie Ann says she’s their best natural dancer, but had some awkward moments and apparently they broke rules by doing a lift. Hmm. Len says they were doing too much bonding and not enough dancing. (oooh, mean Uncle Len is back.) Bruno says it was delicious. At least someone threw her a bone. (Hey, I heard that!)
Scores… 7, 7, 8 for 22.

Oh, and Sam totally calls them out on their attraction for one another, leaving Maks speechless, blushing, and so incredibly hot. Come on America, she’s so not helping herself here, but for the love of god, vote for her anyway so we don’t lose the EC, k?

Next we get Jerry doing the tango. This should be interesting. It says an enormous lot that I’m actually looking forward to it, and him. Wow. I’m so surprising myself here. We find out behind the scenes that since he is still in it, now Jerry wants to make it to waltz week. He came on the show to learn to dance so he could dance at his daughter’s wedding (aww) and he wants to learn to waltz. I say vote for him and keep him on…but send Sara home, not Maks-er Willa!! He’s so cute with the Bond stuff.

Here we go…Jerry and Kym’s boobs. Kym totally cranks up the heat, which is good because Jerry is totally not working the Bond theme, but their tango is okay. (And they get normal tango music, too…hmmmm……) And the crowd goes wild. He’s stayin.

Judges? Bruno says it was more Pink Panther than Bond and good fun. Carrie Ann says going for the performance was a good choice. Len says he good footwork and brought the fun. Scores? 7, 7, 7 for 21. Kind, for sure. And the pack is tightly scored tonight so far.

And next? We get Sara dancing jive. Behind the scenes film shows them going more country tone with they jive. She seems more open than before, more comfortable. And gets a very nice edit.

Sara and her boobs, and Tony and his…..Stetson come out kickin. She gets the jive to These Boots Are Made for Walkin. It’s good music for her, good for the boots n hat thing….but for jive? What were these people smoking this week? No, really. I will say, they are both very cute and this is the best I’ve seen Sara look yet. It’s adorable, not all that jive-y in the true sense, but really good fun. I like it. She’ll stay even without her fan base. (Buh bye EC! Sniff.)

Judges? Carrie Ann loved it. Len loved it. Bruno says she’s glowing and Sara is clearly thrilled with the praise. She earned it. Scores - 8, 9, 8 for 25 which puts them in second and no way are they going anywhere.

Aaaaaaand now we get (the heel) Mario (who is rumored to be dating his dance instructor and I’m not in love with that like I am with Willa and Maks. Karina, wake up.) Ahem. Where was I? Oh yeah, the rebel is back and behind the scenes we learn they bicker and plan to totally bring the sexy to the tango. And oh yeah, they are all over each other during rehearsals because, well, we already know Mario can’t keep his hands to himself. Just ask his ex wife, on their honeymoon. It’s a shame, because otherwise this would be so adorable. I wish I loved them because their dance? Will probably be smoking, smoking hot. Dammit.

And….I’m so right. Sheesh. I’m surprised there isn’t smoke rising off these two. Dang. And the music hasn’t even started yet. They both look stunning (and what do you want to bet they get great music?) Okay, no, they get the suckiest music of the night. Really, were they all high? They do look good, but the music is just so distracting (Gwen Stefani? Really?) Mario’s tango face is only slightly more amusing than Emmitt’s. But the stunts are good (when he rolls over her? yeah, I had to clap for that. Dammit.) and the level of dance is high. Will be interesting to see what the judges say. They certainly can’t fault him on dancing the dance this time.

At the end, I could already see the judges clapping….and the crowd is going completely bonkers. We also find out Karina has had back issues all week - wow, you’d never have known it. Total professional there, folks. Judges? Len is a complete ass over one tiny thing. Honestly, lighten up, dude. Sheesh. Bruno says it’s the real deal but also picks on them about the hold break in the middle of the routine (I didn’t even know this was Law) and Carrie Ann hammers them, too. We learn they argued about this during the week and decided to go for it anyway. Hmm. I think, to some degree, come on, judges. You gave Jerry 7’s for god’s sake. But what do I know from rules in dance. AllI know was that was easily the best dance of the night.

Of course, maybe they’re on to the fact that he’s a ringer and obviously way too good to be a novice and so are holding him to tighter standards. Or maybe they found out he’s a philandering ass who can’t even keep it zipped during his own honeymoon and decided to make him pay for any deviation from the rules, since, you know, he apparently has real issues with that.

You know, on second thought, I love you, Uncle Lenny.

Scores? 8 (a bitchy one), 6 from Len (ouch), 8 (instead of 10, spank.) 22

Next up is Vivica with her tango. She takes ballet per Carrie Ann’s suggestion. She is doing the tango, which I don’t get. I thought women had jive? How does that work? They? Get Spanish flavored music. Go figure. With a little lace fan action, we’re off. She does a serviceable job with this and definitely attacks the dance with all she has. She’s definitely more suited to this than jive, so good choice, but I’m still scratching my head over that one when all the other women had to do jive and the men all did tango. I wonder if this means Joey closes out with the jive? Could be fun.

Judges? Bruno says the drama queen of the night. Carrie Ann says she’s a diva. Len gives alliterative kudos. Scores - 9, 9, 9 for 27 which is high, but thrills Viv.

Last for the night is Joey and yes, he’s doing the jive. Also, I think, well, suited for him. (As are those jeans he’s wearing in rehearsal. Fine. Very fine.) They got Blue Suede Shoes for their song (very nice! Thank you stoned dance gods.) And so they go on a shopping trip for some….do I have to spell it out? Their rehearsal sequences are quite fine. Wiggling hips Joey is a fun Joey. (and the loss of EC Maks a bit easier to take.)

And here we go. Shoes are hot. Shirt is even hotter. And (if they don’t break any rules I’m unaware of) easily the dance of the night. Sorry, Mario. Maybe not as technically correct, but that was fun, hot, sexy, and pretty damn good, too. Crowd is appreciative.

Judges? Bruno says Joey the Dynamo, but chastises them because they did lifts. Carrie Ann is also stumped on why they keep breaking rules, but is far kinder to Joey than she was to Mario. (Maybe because he’s happily married and a nice guy? Who knows. Just me then?) Len says it’s not Cirque de Soleil and hammers them on making it too fun. I know. God forbid. I guess I’m just clueless, but sheesh already. Scores? 8, 6, 8 for 22.

So the ranking for this week is:
Monique 27
Vivica 27
Sara 25
Mario 22
Joey 22
Harry 22
Willa 22
Jerry 21
Emmitt 19 (how wrong is that?)

My prediction remains the same - buh bye, Willa. Who will be in the bottom with her? Should be Harry and Jerry. But that’s what I said last week, too. We’ll see!

What did you all think? Dissect and discuss!

Tags: Writing //