So, as is quickly pointed out by the judgery on American Idol last night, going home on Week 2 pretty much sucks. Of course, being booted out any week isn’t exactly Good Times, but this week, you go home, you stay home. No tour for you!

No pressure, or anything.

We’re told that this week the 11 remaining singers will take on their choice of any song that has ever been #1 on the Billboard charts. Which have been around for over 100 years. Seems like just yesterday… Or I am officially as old as dirt. Now, this was the good news. The bad news is it’s mentor week time again. Okay, that’s not bad. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed mentors in the past (Smokey Robinson, Dolly Parton, Andrew Lloyd Weber, even Barry Manilow!) But this week, we’re applying a whole new meaning to the term mentor. And that meaning is…it apparently no longer has any. Because it’s Miley Cyrus. All 17 years of life experience that she has. What, Justin Bieber was too busy?

But I try to reach beyond my immediate repulsion of the idea that this kid has any real place telling these other kids (almost all of them older than her) what to do despite her successes, open my mind, think bigger thoughts, be the better woman… Yeah…. Nope. Still repulsed.

Hopefully the performances will cleanse the mental palate.

First up, we get Lee DeWyze. I will spare you the recap of all of the bountiful wisdom they gain from their esteemed mentor and just get on with the singing stuff. He’s singing The Letter by the Box Tops. Good choice. They give him a hard time for not having more stage presence, and that’s a valid point, but I don’t ever think stage performing is going to be his strong suit. I think his voice has a nice, gravelly edge to it and that’s going to have to sell him. I don’t see him suddenly dancing out like Big Mike. He’s not that guy. Except….the performance begins and he totally tries to be that guy. With the tower of brass power aiding and abetting, and back up singers, too, along with with the jacket, black shirt, and medallion he apparently borrowed from Tom Jones’ wardrobe, oh…he goes for it. I’m not sure he found it, but he definitely gave them what they thought they wanted. (How’s that working out for ya?) I was fine with Lee and his guitar, looking like Shaggy from Scooby Do. So what do I know? I know he sounded just fine, I like his voice. I wasn’t super keen on his arrangement. That and the singers, etc, made it kind of nightclubby-cabaret-ish to me. It wasn’t relevant as his previous performances were, in terms of defining him as a recording artist. (Hey, Simon…what I just said!) But, all that said, he’ll be on the tour.

Next we get Paige. Hopefully with recovered vocal chords. Against All Odds by Phil Collins is the song choice. It was off pitch right from the start. And that’s a shame. I was hoping for a Big Recovery week for her, and a stand out performance. Unless she recovers from that opening, it ain’t gonna happen. I know she was trying for that soft/belt-it-out balance, but she’s only anywhere even near on when she’s cutting loose. I fear for her this week. In fact, unless someone else can’t sing at all tonight, that was the knell of death for her.

Oh, Tim, TIm, Tim. Switching it up Freddy Mercury style. Hmm. Just….why? Crazy Little Thing Called Love doesn’t seem like something you’d sing. And of all the diverse advice you and the rest are being given, one consistent comment is we (America = royal we) need to know what kind of recording artist you’d be. This one said…middle Lido Deck, Royal Caribbean. I mean, what was that? I get putting the guitar down and putting one of Ellen’s snazzy jackets on, but that song in particular begged for a fun guitar element, or…something. And not the mosh pit of teen spirit. I’m confused. And not voting for Tim.

And might I just interject that while Miley is actually trying to do her best to offer advice of some kind, her voice is strangely…repellent. I mean, for a singer, it’s a harsh speaking voice that’s really not pleasant on the ears. Odd. And fast-forwardable.

I really need a pick me up. So far, I’m not on anyone’s love train tonight. Next we have Aaron Kelly, who has laryngitis/tonsilitis….and the world’s most adorable crush on Miley Cyrus. Okay, their meeting? Was cuteness rolled up with puppies and Skittles. But what it wasn’t? Was making me want to Vote Aaron. He picks Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing, which I’m sure he’ll do fine with, assuming he can sing at all…and a song I am so sick to death of hearing that I’m not sure any rendition could ever get me excited about it again. I do realize that, when you have to pick a song that made it all the way to #1 on the charts, we’re all going to have heard it a time or three or million. It’s just that, even taking that into consideration? Done. To. Death. Emphasis on the road kill. And yet, he does imbue it with his teenager earnestness and even shaky voiced, he did a good job with the song. Comparatively speaking thus far (and this scale, it is small) it was the better performance thus far tonight. Still hating the song choice, but thanks for doing something right with it.

Yay, Crystal is up next. Singing Janis Joplin ~ Bobby McGee. Gee. There’s a huge shock. In fact, I’m kind of surprised she went with something so obvious. She does seem to be changing it up a little, and let’s hope that makes it impressive. She’s impressive, but I’m wanting more from her lately. I was, however, impressed that she took the Miley Moment seriously and had her sign the guitar. You’ve got class, Crystal. Opening notes and I’m already SO on board with this rendition. Not sure she should go screechy all the time, but with Joplin, it’s a fair risk to take. Wow, way to keep the vibe going. I’m digging it. And so is the crowd. I’m still on this magic carpet ride. I worry about her putting the guitar down. A lot. Simon, we think alike once again. Don’t fix what ain’t broke. But if anyone can afford to take the risk one week, it’s probably Crystal. Even if it tanks, she won’t go home on one bad week at that stage of the game.

Big Mike handles Miley well. Literally. He chooses When A Man Loves A Woman and sings her right into a puddle of Big Mike Love, so…I’m thinking this might go well for him. I do think he’s keeping it consistent with what he’s offering. He’s the new millennium Teddy Pendergrass. And I am perfectly okay with that. Ahhh. That was niiice if a little overwrought. Sharp suit, though, big guy. Still Final Three for me.

Andrew is singing Marvin Gaye’s Heard It Through The Grapevine aaand, if rehearsal is any indication, let’s just say he should be really, really happy that Paige sang so badly tonight. Because…not special, my man. Yikes. He puts down the guitar…and slide dangerously into Tim Territory tonight. Not relevant nor who he is as a singer. Thank goodness I’m not the only Andrew fan out there. Make the tour. Just….make the tour. And, oh, I don’t know, bring it. Soon.

Katie takes on Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry, which is the freshest choice so far. She has a soulful voice for how young she is, which makes it hard for this fresh faced teenager. A little pitchy, okay a lot, but it wasn’t a bad song choice. I wish she’d sung it a lot better, she has the chops to sing it better than that….but compared to Paige, she’ll make it through this week.

Woot woot! We now interrupt this program to pass out the trays of umbrella drinks and adjourn to the shallow end of the pool…. Ahhh. Okay, now, Casey James takes his turn. And makes me happy. His song is Huey Lewis (Love!!!) and The Power of Love. And yeah, yeah, he’s not the rock bottom gravel voice of say, Bo Bice, but honestly? I do not care. Sign me up. Take this gig on tour. He brings the fun. And the candy. I’m all for that.

Didi is up next and she’s tackling It’s No Good and let’s hope she brings it. The cello player brought it. Liked that. She gave it her all, but I think she’s someone with an interesting voice who is on the verge of being great, but falls just shy. Maybe with some studio help, it would be truly remarkable. But on stage, this was a little overworked and fell a lot short for me personally. Shouldn’t go home, but not winning this thing.

Siobhan, rocking the mohawk and the deep quirk, and even more of an Amazon than Miley (what was that in rehearsal? It’s like she’s high…and being dressed by the DWTS Stoner Wardrobe Dude. And liking it.) She takes on Stevie’s Superstition, which….hunh. I’ll reserve judgery till I hear what she does. Aaaand….I honestly don’t know what that was. People keep saying female Glambert. Not in my book. She’s got her own book. And I’m not sure where I’d shelve it. A crazy end note does not a superstah make.

So…who goes, who stays? I’m thinking Paige goes, Tim in the bottom with her…and not sure on that third stool, but I don’t think it matters. Sorry, Paige. All in all, one of the worst weeks ever. Just…what was the point of all that? Did we learn anything, class? Not so much.

Tonight, we’re defining the Top 10…and Survivor sends home not one, but two players. Hmmm…. Who should stay, who should go home? Pick your poison. And DISH!

Tags: Writing //