Okay, so who replaced my Steelers with pod people? Please give them back now, the fun and games are over.

A little Monday Morning MAC….

So, after trudging back from Tribal Council, we learn that Ozzy really hates being the tribe’s new…uh, Billy. Yeah, being on the outside feels great, doesn’t it Oz? At least he probably won’t claim a delusional love alliance with, say, Sundra. I did feel bad for Cecilia.

Day 9 -

Candice is back at Aitu and everyone bags on her about why the other team saved her from tribal. She plays dumb. This does not seem to be a real stretch for Candice.

Over on Raro, the guys are kicking back and letting the women do all the domestic chores. They’re also feelng smug in their massively buff man power vs Aitu’s. Have these guys never watched the show? History shows this mindset never pays, dudes.

Off we go to Reward Challenge - This the one where two members are chained to each other and the rest of their team has to get them through the over-under course drill. Then there is some swimming and some decoding. All for blankets, pillows, hammock, etc and the right to send someone from losing team to Exile Isle. The race is neck and neck…until Aitu takes the late lead. Raro catches up on the decoding wheel, but in the end, Aitu still wins. They send Adam to EI. He will be back in time for Immunity Challenge and TC.

Pretty whale footage, then back at Aitu, the team revels in their win. In other news, Flicka is still an airhead. Ozzy is a Mad Fisherman (but is it me, or do they have a much easier access to food this year? I, for one, don’t mind that so much. Because starving, barfing castaways? Aren’t much fun to watch.)

Over on Raro - HA! Karma is a swiftly retaliating bitch, eh buff, can’t-lose dudes? Yeah.

And yet the smugness continues in the form of the buff men lording it over the women on their own tribe. I sigh, shake my head. JP? Yeah, I’m going to enjoy your smackdown when it comes. And Parvati? Your flirting skills? Not All That, missy. I mean, Nate? Come on, not exactly the biggest mountain to conquer, if you know what I mean. He even tries to be self aware, but his doom is so sealed. Altho, if these two can actually pull off a JP dethroning? Eternal love. Yeah. Like that will happen.

Rainbows….and it’s Day 11 at Aitu.

Cai Boi is an ass and brings on some really harsh karma by basically attacking a mama bird and all but killing her new born baby. Jonathan earns a little good Donna karma by feeling like a total shit for being any part of it, and they put the nest back together and help baby and mama reunite. Yes, you are stupid Cai Boi. Next time the kid in you wants to play, put the kid in time out, okay?

Immunity Challenge Time with another Maze of Tribemate Torture. Men everywhere drool over a handcuffed Candice and Parvati, but the castaways are too busy trying to not go to Tribal Council to be all Maxim photo spread about it. The teams, for all their physical imbalances keep things pretty close. Ozzy kicks JP’s ass at, well, pretty much everything, which I love more than I can say. I would love an Aitu win here, just to see the Raro Pretty Boy’s bite it twice in one night and on a physical challenge to boot….Ozzy gets major points for busting his ass as an “outsider” and making sure they think twice about getting rid of him. Not a Billy after all. Golf clap, Oz. Cai Boi gets a little of his mojo back with his Dance of Fire and it looks like the Pretty Boys Team are goin’ to Tribal. So much for all the dominance, dudes. HA! squared.

Day 11 at Raro…

A dispirited buff boys tribe returns to camp. I would love them if they send JP or Adam home. I’m thinking it can’t happen, but man….it would be sweet to watch. Then Stephannie stands right up and offers herself up as the weakest link. Girl, you got no game. So the team decides to show her the same game and tell her she’s the one going home. Yeah, whatever. But! There is the tiniest glimmer of hope when the rest of the Girl Power alliance tries to get their game on…..which I would love like no other, but, yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it. So of course, stupid flirty girl Parvati won’t go for it, because her whole strength is her flirt strategy and she can’t do that if she votes out her quarry right? Sigh. Then Jenny really goes full tilt GP and tries to recruit Brad because everyone can see what part of Parvati’s body she thinks with. So….will he, won’t he?

Tribal Council…everyone makes fairly astute comments, except Adam who just sits there and looks like….well, Adam. But then, I’m pretty sure he’s used to that being the only thing required of him. JP is actually saying things that make me feel bad about what I hope happens to him tonight, but….you know, not completely. It’s less eye candy I could live with.

Jeff reads the votes….Stephannie, then JP, 2 for Steph, 2 for JP, 3 for JP, ooooh, 4 JP. Then it was 5. Wow, even Adam votes against JP? Dang, Jenny girl, your game is pretty damn fine. JP goes home in the Most Shocking Rose Ceremony–wait, wrong show. Anyway, YEAH BABY! I love that. He had NO idea. Sure, he might be a good guy at core, but dude, maybe next time you should get up and DO something instead of sitting your throne and handing out orders, you big, good looking schlub. Jeff comments on how they voted off the strong guy, but, uh, Aitu seems to be pulling it off with a way worse physical imbalance than Raro still has, so I wouldn’t be so worried. But guys? You might want to step it up and, you know, help around the campfire a little bit, if you know what I mean. Ah hahahahahhaha.

Next week? Looks like the Aitu Princesses are in store for a little Reverse Raro. Because no one ever seems to learn anything from watching past seasons. I scratch my head.

Okay, now on to this week’s SHaQ Attack contest question, which is: If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one of my heroes, who would it be? The castaway hero with the most votes could win his Blog Babe a free book. Winner’s name drawn on Friday. Send an email with your pick to donna@donnakauffman.com with “Stranded!” in the subject line.

Me, I want to be stranded with that guy from Men in Trees, but I guess he doesn’t count. Dangit.

Happy Columbus Day Sales to everyone!

Tags: Writing //