After spending several days reformatting 450 pages of almost-lost manuscript that took me 6 months to write, and trying not to have collective heart failure over said wipeout, I decide that I’ve earned some Reality Fun (with a side of ice cream, of course.)

So this fine Fall Monday morning, you get double the MAC, double the snark (and a little SHaQ Attack at the end!)

First up, Survivor…

Where we find the boys on Raro figured out right quick that with King JP no longer in the picture as the hot despot (you might recall he was overthrown during the Tribal Council Coup of Delicious Girl Power Goodness) that mebbe, just mebbe, they might want to get off their collective very fine tushes and, you know, do some WORK. And the manly man overkill of firewood chopped and fishies caught tickles the girls, and me, to no end. Love. It. Buh bye, JP.

However, over on Aitunes where the women, like the Raro men, have apparently NEVER watched this show before, we are about to get some reverse Man Power Goodness, albeit not quite as delicious, given that we’re talking Ozzy, Cai Boi, and Jonathan here, but we make do with some Yul. Ladies? Buy a very serious clue.

Okay, now we’re off to the Reward Challenge of Snarky Behavior. First, Aitunes has a collective orgasm when they realize Raro got rid of their strongest guy before what appears to be a very physical challenge. Then, as it’s a “hold these sandbags until you puke or drop them or both” challenge, they start trash talking each other, mostly being Flicka - and Flicka, you might want to remember you’ll eventually be one big tribe, dear - but starting with Jonathan who snarks on Jeff…and earns at least this week’s love from me for doing so.

Raro proves that they don’t need no stinkin’ JP when da boyz hang tough and outlast…Ozzy and Flicka. Yeah, I know. There’s a power team, but, well, the rules are complicated, you had to be there, but Flicka? Trash talking a cop? Buh bye. Hope you enjoyed the victory celebration by the OTHER team. Sheesh.

But Raro doesn’t send Flicka to Exile Island, praying, apparently that she will suffer worse at the hands of her own teammates. One can dream. Of course, she has to listen to Cao Boi non stop, so how much more punishment can there be? Instead, they send Jonathan of the gorgeous eyes that don’t match the rest of him packing.

Day 11…

Cop girl Cristina on Raro didn’t learn anything from the JP vote off and is now taking his place. Bright, really bright.

On Aitunes, Flicka, CB, and Oz are trying to get a 4th for their little outcast alliance and shockingly find no takers. So they head off to explore a nearby island by their outcast threesome selves. Only to find, lo and behold! They’re on Raro’s island. (Has this ever happened on Survivor before? Unintentional team visitry?) However, while the three are gone, Yul uses that chance to pull Sundra into his alliance. Ha.

In the meantime, over on Raro, there is a lukewarm at best reception for the surprise Aitunes visitors, who rapidly grow even more disheartened with their uninvited guests when Cao Boi starts being, well, Cao Boi. I wasn’t even there and I wanted him to STFU. And proving there was no low to which he would not stoop - this after the baby bird thrashing last week - CB actually begs from the other tribe. Yeah. /singsong voice/ Awkward Moment. /end singsong voice/ Win your own damn challenge and get your own damn food, Aitunes.

Immunity Challenge…

Jonathan returns from his self described million dollar sandbox and promptly outs the fact in front of God, Jeff, and everybody on both tribes, that he’s pretty certain someone has already found the idol. Hunh. Since a few likely candidates are in your tribe, two of whom are in your alliance…kind of an odd strategy there, my friend. It’s not a moment on the Billy Love Claim Scale of Crazy, but for gameplay, not perhaps the sharpest move he could have made. Time will tell. He’s wily, he might have a Big Plan.

Immunity challenge involves building tall stilts and moving people over water. Interesting and, finally, something a little different. Aitunes takes the early lead, but it doesn’t last. Then, in the game of I can stand better than you can crouch, Flicka tries to beat Jenny, but can’t do it. Jeff makes Parvati’s name sound like Poverty, so it’s kind of distracting. In the end, on the cram your entire team onto a platform the size of Triscuit, Aitunes win by a foot. Literally.

So Raro goes back to tribal. If we’re to believe the Tricky Survivor Editors of Sneaky Foreshadowing, Cop Girl Cristina Bossy Pants is going tonight. But…who knows. (Not JP! Ha!) Stephannie really has no game At All because, once again with a huge target on someone else’s back, she essentially offers herself up as a potential victim and last time I was all send her home if she doesn’t want to be there. But this time? No. Keep her ass on there and make her play the game, dangit. Her claims again of “wow, I sooo didn’t mean it that way”….no. Not buying the wide eyes of disingenuousness this time. She says she wants to play? Make her play. Send Bossy Pants home. Hunh. We’ll see.

At Tribal Council….

The tribe puts the brutal honesty smack down on Cristina, but I think they did it as well as they could and still convey she drives them nuts. And I hope Stephannie enjoys her mashed taters, cuz she’s no longer a castaway. Buy bye, Stephannie! You already know she’s going to be totally sweet in her exit interview…but wouldn’t it be great if she trots out her inner Wanda Sykes? I’d love it.

Next week? Looks brutal. Like another sand wrestling challenge. You just know it’s a bunch of guys who think these things up.

Onto the Double Your MAC, Double You Fun Monday MAC session…

Last night on Amazing Race… aka Peter is a Sociopath, Please Save Me! we have 7 teams left. And in case China and Vietnam haven’t completely ground them into dust, I know, let’s send them to India and make them drive cars!! Yay!

Actually, I love this season more than any, in terms of the race itself. Best Tasks Ever and I do like that it’s not predictable. With different teams winning each week, topsy turvy standings in every leg, bunching when it doesn’t matter and not when it does. Love.

The teams are interesting, most of them seem to get along, and other than Peter and occasionally Rob and Mary, I don’t want to personally strangle any of them more than once per episode. A marked improvement over previous seasons. (And anytime I find myself feeling snippy, I imagine myself doing whatever they’re doing and shut right up. Except for Peter, because, well, we all know what we’d like to do to Peter. A hug is nowhere on that list. Or kindness. Or mercy.)

I thought the endless bus/train/airplane travel arranging and taking was exciting for once, with the various bus, plane and airport drama being more diverse and less “bunchy” than past seasons. I liked the croc strapping versus paint-by-numbers, and the driving school was a hoot. And a honk. (Don’t drink and drive!)

I usually don’t root for the standard front-running male teams of modeling hotness, but the two this year are actually okay. Not overly dominant, they keep their heads (the airport stress out was about the only time I’ve seen them do that) and are basically nice to each other and the other teams. I like them. Mary, while annoying in the way she harps on David in That Voice, is fascinating to watch as she interacts with the world at large. She never met a culture she didn’t want to love. And I just love that about her. Even if there are times when I want David to muzzle her.

The *lyns are doing pretty well for the most part, but still have flashes of angsty crankiness that can annoy, but I applaud how well they’re doing, their spirit of teamwork together is great, and they seem to hang well with other teams. Unless they’re blonde.

The *wins are doing great and didn’t you just love their Tribute to Phil shirts? Great fun. They also seem to hang in pretty well, though the whole fake phone thing, while amusing, did come back to bite them in their formidable tushies.

Lost a lot of love for the BQ’s. They did race better, and I have zero issues with them wanting to stay away from Creepy Peter (do you notice that the teams all have bad things to say about him, but never Sara. It’s never “Peter and Sara” this or that, just Peter. Hmm.) But some of their smug behaviors was off putting, too. So, not feeling the love this leg for them, but nice comeback from behind anyway for a second place finish this leg.

Rob and Kimberly handled life pretty well this time around. He was especially funny with the driving school instructor and the drink/drive rule. (”Drink what?” Ha.) Nice to see he can be amusing. In a good way. And everyone rocked the gator farming. Wow, but cool.

Mostly though, this leg was dominated by the absolute creepy creepiness of creep that is Sociopath Pete. That discussion on the bus bench? Just…wow. No words for how scary he is. And his passive aggressive thing with the other teams is just flat out bizarre. How is it he has no sense whatsoever about people dynamics? None. I can’t jibe how he is, with what he does for a living. Unless he builds the prosthetics but has zero contact with actual clients. Hey! I know! He’s good at making robotic limbs because he’s really a cyborg! That explains a great deal. I’m SO glad I finally figured that out. Careful Sarah, or you will be assimilated!

Sickeningly, SocioPete and Sara are first this leg and our coalmining couple come in last. But, before you sob at the inequity of karma, we learn that this is FINALLY a non-elimination leg and with a SURPRISE TWIST! The producers finally learned that taking away their money and possessions has never once slowed a team down and America does not want to watch fellow Americans begging for money in foreign countries for fun and entertainment. So, they devised a challenge that actually means something. Go Jerry B!

The new twist is that, if you come in last and escape sudden race death, you are still a marked for death team. If you do not finish first in the next leg, you incur a 30 minute penalty when you land on the Amazing Bathmat and must wait out your fate. I think this is a great idea. It means that “hey, you were last, so if you want to stay in the race, you get one more chance, but you better hustle!” Good twist. Can’t wait to see how that one plays out.

Next week we get camel racing!

Now, finally, it’s time for some SHaQ Attack. Since we’re having a Reality Show Bonanza MAC Morning, this week the challenge is this: Correctly predict who will get danced off, voted off, eliminated from, or win ONE of the shows listed below and your name will be in the running for a drawing on your choice of a free book from my website bookshelf a week from today!

You can enter ONE guess for each of the four shows, but you only have to be right on any one of them to be eligible. On the off chance no one gets any of them right, everyone who enters will be in the drawing, so go ahead and take the chance! Guess, even if you don’t watch em. What have you got to lose?

The shows are:
Tuesday Night on Dancing With The Stars..will it be Jerry, Emmitt, Joey, Monique, Mario, or, because Sara is leaving, No One?

Wednesday night on Project Runway who wins the season finale? Jeff, Laura, Uli, or Michael?

Thursday on Survivor will it be Yul, Becky, Jonathan, Flicka, Candice, Cao Boi, or Ozzy from Aitunes, or Adam, Brad, Sundra, Jenny, Cristina, Nathan, Parvati or Rebecca from Raro?

Sunday on Amazing Race - will it be Team Coalminer, Romberly, Psycho/Sara, the Cho Bros, the *lyns, the Addicts (and Models!), or the Beauty Queens?

To enter your guesses, send an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with You’re Out! in the subject header. Remember, you can make ONE guess for each show. Good Luck!

So…about Peter….wow, huh? Is there a woman in America who would date this guy now? Run, run single women everywhere, run fast!

Who are you rooting for on Project Runway, Survivor, Dance, and Amazing Race?

Discuss.

Tags: Writing //