So, tonight on Dancing with the Stars, Tom promises someone will go home tomorrow.

Two dances, five couples, lotsa MAC.

First we get the Ballroom Round (which means Waltz or Fox Trot.)

Jerry and Kym are up first and perhaps in response to the accusations he intentionally tanked it last week, or, more likely a call from his daughter, he takes his dancing quite seriously this week. Golf clap, Jerry! They dance a lovely,if Jerry-like, Fox Trot.

Judges? The judges reward him for the effort and look forward to his latin dance later in the show. Scores - 8,8,8 which mean they are obviously trying to keep him on the show as they combine last week’s bottom two votes with this week. (Oh, and Jerry’s haircut looks really sharp!)

Monique and Louis! are next. Monique vents about the unfair judging men v women and plans to Show Them. She looks good - no crack was involved in making her lovely dress. Hair? By Diana Ross. Their first dance is the fox trot and she does a wonderful job. She also gets great music (as did Jerry.) What happened, Stoned Music Guy? Whatever it was, let’s hope it continues through the night.

Judges? They all luuuuved it. And Carrie Ann points out she danced half the time with her foot caught in her dress, which really makes it that much more impressive (and now I have to rewatch.) Scores? 9, 9, 9 for 27.

Giving Jerry 8’s kind of gives them nowhere to go, although I suppose with two dances, they can always tank their scores in round two if they want.

Next up is Emmitt “Twinkletootsies” Smith and Cheryl who start off with the waltz aaaaaaaand Stoned Music Guy wakes up from his stupor. Although it grows on me, but still. Emmitt looks wonderful in tux n tails. Loves Cheryl’s dress, very different for a waltz. The dance is lovely and graceful and gorgeously done.

Judges? Carrie Ann loves. Len loves. Bruno says smooth, magnetic, elegant, the lord of the manor. I completely agree. So far, a wonderful nice. Scores - 10, 9, 9 for 28 and they are shocked with the 10 and thrilled. Deserved.

Aaaand, now we get Da Boyz.

First up is Mario and Kinky Blonde Karina (wtf?) Behind the scenes fighting and Mario holds his baby niece. Whatever. First up with the fox trot. And we get the Gilligan’s Island Ginger Song. Okay, so it’s supposed to be Marilyn Monroe, I get the hair now. But, again, whatever. I hear Ginger. Boo boo be do. Their dance is nice, fluid, but the floor appears to be a bit on the slippery side. The last half of the dance goes very well. And the end (was that a lift?) was very cute.

Judges? Bruno says it’s the playboy and the sex kitten. Carrie Ann said it was elegant and charming. Len remarks the caliber this week is amazing and I agree, then says he can’t believe he watched a fox trot with no heel lead. The crowd goes silent, mostly because no one knows what a heel lead is (including Mario apparently.) Scores - 10, 9, 10 or 29 and he’s actually perky about it.

Last and never least is Joey and Edyta - so, the music is intentionally appropriate (yay!) and Joey gets to practice on the steps where Singing in the Rain was filmed. Whoa. To the fox trot, they come out looking dapper (well, Joey is. Edyta? Enough with the drapage costumes.) They look wonderful and it’s a fun routine that is clearly an homage to Gene Kelly. The prop finally works for Joey and the umbrella adds to the ambience. Edyta clearly choreo’s to show off Edyta’s Amazing Legs, but tonight it all comes together much better. The dance on the steps is great and the ending sweet. Really great night so far.

Judges - Uncle Lenny says it’s great but just can’t get past the heels and balls. Don’t ask. Bruno says it was a great tribute to Gene Kelly. And Carrie Ann thought it was flawless. Scores - 10, 9, 10 for 29 and totally blows them away.

Best first half ever! For all they are doing two dances, it really has moved to a new level this week. I cannot wait to see the Latin dances!

Round Two - Latin. Which means Mambo or Paso Doble or Jive

First are Jerry and Kym, who are back in action and in character. I’ve never heard of this song, but one thing it has going for it is it’s at least up tempo. Poor Jerry’s hips. But they do go for it and for all they bring character and fun, he does try. Very weird song (what song has onomatopoeia in it?) but cute dance.

Judges? Carrie Ann commends him for getting the two dances done and not collapsing, but does point out that while he’s enjoyable, he’s not on the same level as the rest of the dancers (in the understatement of the century. Tell us something we don’t know, Carrie Ann. Like what it’s like dating Artem from last years So You Think You Can Dance. Yummm!) Lenny says for Jerry to attempt two dances he’s never done is commendable and he doesn’t care if he’s not up to snuff, he’s worth it because of the joy he’s brought. (And Jerry’s haircut really makes him look more youthful. Just sayin.) Bruno says he’s not Mario or Joey and while he might be ready for a vacation, he doesn’t think the public will let him take one. Tom jokes it’s rather a ballroom hostage situation. Love! Scores - 7, 8, 7 for 22. Which is more than fair.

Monique and Louis take on the paso doble. She’s back to Unflattering Couture For $500, but mercifully no maribou was harmed in the making of this outfit. And band? The next time you even consider trying to sing Duran Duran? Just say no to the crackhead. Poor Mo Mo. But you know what? Louis is Bringing It y’all. You’re seeing real dancing, Van Amstel style and it’s a credit to how hard Monique has worked that he can bring even glimpes of his true level of dance to the floor. But the song and the awful cut to her dress detract. Dangit. Unfair I say! She’s a lovely girl with a nice figure. Why can’t they dress her? And she stumbles near the end, which was a shame to see because he’s clearly pushed her very hard to attain this level of speed in this dance. And the ending is just clumsy and not a all graceful although the final pose was interesting. I fear for her survival now. Ah well, it was a gamble I’m sure they felt they had to take, but didn’t quite pull it off.

Judges? Lenny praises her for the level she’s reached for. Bruno says she’s a tough cookie tonight. Carrie Ann says she represented very well, if a bit over-powered at the end. Nicely and gently put. Maybe they’ll be kind in the scoring, too. Scores? 9, 9, 9 for 27, which is very nice.

Up now is Emmitt and Cheryl and their mambo. I’m looking forward to this one! Love the red and black outfits and boy, Cheryl is looking great and her outfits are so sharp. (But they get total mambo music. What’s up with Monique and Louis getting Duran Duran? Huh? Huh?) Whoa! Emmitt is Going. For. It. Shake that thang, football man. I didnt know he could move like that. I mean…dayum. Credit to Cheryl who knows how to choreo for this guy. Just such a wonderful, energetic dance. Man, the level tonight is just amazing. How they’re going to top that, I have NO idea. Fantastic and easily my favorite of the night. He is just SO charming and alpha all at the same time. Wow. And the crowd goes wild and Emmitt pumps them up.

Judges? (there’d better be some 10’s floating ’round here, y’all.) Bruno says the beast is unleashed. Carrie Ann says he’s Sir Shimmy. She says he’s magic and I totally agree. Uncle Lenny says that for every dance he’s seen the whole season, that was the best. And you know, I think he’s right. Samantha very surprisingly reminds me that Cheryl is, in fact, the reigning dance pro champ of this show, having won with Drew last season, and so she knows what they have to bring to win. I’d forgotten that small detail, but she’s really tailored her skills to her partner this year, too and well deserved, Cheryl, well deserved. Scores? 10, 10, 9 for 29 - and the audience is booing Bruno’s score. Me, too. That was a 30 folks.

Have I mentioned I love Tom? He makes it look so simple (well, until you watch Samantha, then you realize how talented he really is.)

And the Boston Legal commercial? This is why I love this show. Smooches, William Shatner! (Another guy who makes it look way easier than it really is.) Who is that guy? Ha!

Next we get Mario and Karina, back to being a brunette. Mario steps out of the audience and onto the dance floor, but their music is peppy and all, but about as non-Latin sounding as it gets, but that’s jive for you. It is jivey and so is their routine. It’s fun and well executed but doesn’t rev the crowd (or me) anywhere near as much as Emmitt’s performance.

Judges? They’re a bit critical of the nit picky things, but there isn’t anything else to criticize and maybe, like me, they just don’t want to praise him all the time. Scores? 9, 9, 9 for 27. (HA! No perfect score for them. But about right, I think.)

Lastly, we get Joey and Edyta doing their version of the mambo. They get Mambo #5 for their dance (and after some of the crap they’ve had, this is a Good Thing, but I’m still on board the Monique Grassy Knoll Train of Conspiracy. Okay, not really, but girl has bad music ju ju, that’s for sure.) These two are having all kinds of fun except once again Joey is dressed like the Ballroom Dancing member of the Village People. Come on wardrobe guy, stop smoking with the music dude! Of course, as usual, Edyta is hoping no one will notice Joey’s…interesting shirt (can that technically be called a shirt( by essentially coming out wearing only beads.

I think this is the first time I really see why these two are a bit challenged choreographically speaking. Edyta is a bit taller than Joey, which I knew, but I don’t think I realized until tonight just how much longer her legs are then his, which makes leading her (especially with all the Look At My Long Legs! choreo she comes up with) that much more challenging. Still, this looks fun and Joey has totally embraced Letting It All Hang Out.

All in all though, he’s not the dancer Mario is, nor is he the dancer Emmitt is, to be honest. Which I had them pegged more equally before. So perhaps an Emmitt final two is in the offing? If it’s up to me, it would be.

Judges? Carrie Ann says she enjoyed seeing him loosen up. Bruno agrees with CA and says they had really difficult choreo and applauds him for taking that on. Lenny gives a golf clap to Joey’s hips and agrees with both Bruno and CA. Scores? (But first, we give a collective sigh of shameless pleasure as we indulge in a Taye Diggs preview. Ahhhhhh.) Okay, where were we? Right. Scores - 9, 9, 10 (now wait, he gives Joey a 10 and not Emmitt? That’s just wrong. Nice, but wrong.)

So, the Leader Board is all over the place, with a total of 90 points possible (60 this week - 30 each dance - and 30 for the dance last week.)

Here is the order:
Mario - 84
Emmitt - 82
Joey - 81
Monique - 77
Jerry - 64

Jerry, of course, should be going home, but he was sincere in his effort tonight and I have a feeling his fans will come through for him. Joey did pretty well, too, so I fear for Monique! (I keep waiting for the Mario backlash, or for people to just think he’s safe and not vote for him. Alas….)

We get Martina McBride on tonight’s results show and a “former champion” performs. Please let it be Drew, but I suspect it could be John O’Hurley. We’ll see!

So, who do you think is going home tonight?

Tags: Writing //