Aaaaaaaand, it’s the finals!

We open the show with a loooooong retrospective about how everybody got to where they are and blah blah blah dancecakes….let’s move on shall we?

In the first of three dances Emmitt and Mario will perform this evening, they begin with the head to head. Both pairs will dance to the same tune. Len tells us they chose Stevie’s Sir Duke as it works for a multitude of dance styles. However, both teams choose samba. So we get the same dance style, same music, each with their own choreo.

Emmitt and Cheryl are first, which makes me nervous because I want Emmitt to win, so I want his to be the last thing people remember, especially going up against Mario. But, it’s not to be. They come out and I’m a little worried at first as it just seems okay, not wow. But it turns into wow and the crowd loves it. (Okay, the crowd is collectively on crack juice tonight, so that’s not saying much. They started screaming when Tom said “good evening and welcome to Dancing with the Stars” and then never stopped. The only good part was when they completely drowned Sam out. Crackjuice Drinkers Unite!)

Where was I? Right…Emmitt and Cheryl’s samba. So…it was fun and definitely picked up momentum as it went along. The judges were all gushy…and the scores? But first, Hi George Hamilton! Hi Stacy Kiebler! 10, 10, 10 =30 (which, to be perfectly honest, I thought was 9’s. So…does this mean the judges are going where they went last week and leaving it up to the audience? Mebbe so.) Sam? Please. Just stop. Someone take her mic away, will ya? (Could she be pimping them any harder? Maybe the judges are slanting for Emmitt because they think they have to give him a fighting chance against Super Mario. I think they underestimate Emmitt’s fan base.)

Mario and Karina’s turn. (I do like her in that short red wig.) Surprisingly, they were a little off at first. And Mario is trying sooooo hard, he’s almost stiff or kind of jerky in his motions. Weird. But still super Mario. Totally playing the audience and cameras, way more than even he usually does (which is under the category of Really Saying Something.) He was only really into it when he got to boogie and not samba. Otherwise he became tippy toe man again. Anyway, I was underwhelmed as to my expectations from him, and he by no means blew Emmitt off the floor, far from it and surprisingly so, but it was certainly a great dance nonetheless.

Judges? Carrie Ann seems to think his over playing to the audience/camera was actually him relaxing and enjoying himself. I thought it was anything but. It was almost manic. Only when he got to get his MJ on did he really dig it. Which was not much of the routine. But, your mileage may vary. Len compliments them on the level of difficulty, then points out they did make some mistakes (seeee?) but I bet they get a 9 from him, so yawn. Bruno thought it was scintillating. Scores? 10, 9, 10 for 29 (no shock and again, I think it should be 9, 9, 9 anyway.)

Round Two…. each couple reprises their personal favorite routine.

Emmitt and Cheryl give us an encore of their mambo. I love this because they actually got latin music. I think they upped the tempo because this? Is starting out fast! Love it. (Yes, I’m biased. I want him to win. Deal with it. So, apparently, do the judges. I can live with that, too. ) Dang, that was smokin. If the first one was a 30, this is 30 to a higher power. Whew!

Judges? Bruno says he’s empowered and gushes as only Bruno can. Carrie Ann says he’s a master of technique and charisma. Len applauds Emmitt, and then rightfully (thank you!) gives a huge round of credit to Cheryl. MVP - most valuable partner. Has to be a 30 - this one earned. Scores? 10, 10, 10 - 30. I’m all for that one and they are delightfully excited and humble. But really….take the mic away from her. NOW.

Mario and Karina give us their paso doble. A 29 the first time around, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess they get a 30. Just a prediction. (Oh yeah, earlier? During the Road to the Finals clip package? They totally blew the whistle on these two and aired major lip lock action during their rehearsals. Yeah yeah, don’t act surprised. We all knew.) And Mario’s mother? Total stage mother syndrome. She scares me. Aaaaand, here we go…okay, he’s still Mr Tippy Toes in a huge Joey Lawrence kinda way (maybe it’s a tribute, I don’t know) but I’ll have to get over it, because in every other way, they are totally bringing it. And yet…as I watch, maybe Mario’s really nervous, because he looks really kind of studied, over perfectionizing (new word alert) every motion and move. It’s just not natural looking. He’s got it all over Emmitt in actual skill level in terms of technique, but Emmitt makes it look real. Mario makes it look manic android-y. (Boy, the new words, they just keep coming.) Boy can kick, though, I’ll give him that. And the last thirty seconds were amazing.

Judges? Len says it was full of fire and passion. Bruno calls him the latin thunder bolt (it’s Bruno, what do you want) and Carrie Ann says it was beyond perfection and his lines were fabulous. Yeah. Whatever. (What?) Scores? (Oh please with the better man line. Another guy? I’d have been in full swoon. Not you.) 10, 10, 10 for 30 (and yeah, earned.)

Last Round….freestyle. Woot!

Emmitt and Cheryl…I can’t wait to see this. This is where we got the Ride a Cowboy from Cheryl last year. Lord only knows what she came up with this time. We’re about to find out. They choose MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This. Which? Yes! Perfect for Emmitt. But first, hi Drew! Squee! Aaaand, here we go… Okay…so Emmitt gets his Hammer on pretty damn good. Cheryl? Not so sure. What’s with the super girl boots? It was alternately really fun and….not so much. Sorry, I’m biased, yes, but not blind. It was cool and fun….but it wasn’t Ride A Cowboy. I think maybe there’s no way she could recreate that magic, but this was still pretty cool. Just too much side by side same repetitive step. And the lifts were kind of awkward, maybe too ambitious. (except the one with just one arm between her legs. That was pretty damn amazing.) And did I mention the boots? And the weird length to her skirt? Her outfit was distracting and not in an Edyta good way. But when Emmitt was Hammer Time-ing his very fine behind off? Yeah. That was awesome fun.

Judges? (peeks through fingers..) Carrie Ann totally channels me in the one arm lift. She also loved the whole thing more than I did, but, you know I’ll watch it again. (Just to be fair and all….) Len says he’s done such a great job the whole season and loved the icing on the cake. Bruno says he was the hammer, chisel, and shovel. (You gotta love this guy. No. You do.) But he does crack on them, so they can get the obligatory 9 from one judge to tie the thing up. (Did I predict this? I believe I did.) Ooooh, then Carrie Ann challenges Brumo to a lift duel. You go CA! Loved that. Scores? 10, 10, 9 for 29 (which was SO contrived, but sure, whatever. I’ll take it, because, frankly, it should be a 27, but still, be more convincing when you throw points, Bruno.)

Mario and Karina freestyle and if Emmitt channeled Hammer, you just know Mario won’t be able to resist getting his MJ on. Only it’s tired, Mario. We get it. Channel something new. So, okay, they toss MJ out and go totally old school, which is where Mario’s childhood training comes into play. (He was a dancer on a kids show called Kids Inc. What, you didn’t know? Yeah, total ringer.) Anyway - Karina tries to outdo Cheryl in the most unflattering dance outfit ever and almost succeeds. Yeah, she wins. What is that tent o’ fringe you’re wearing? And the lace up…things? Mario however finally looks completely at home. No more tippy toes, no more herky jerky. This is his style of dance and it shows. Their lifts aren’t the showcases Cheryl/Emmitt’s were, in fact, they only did two, and one was the ending, so no dismount, but Mario so owned the dance, it wasn’t missed. All in all…it wasn’t Ride a Cowboy either. I’d say they were about even, but I’m predicting a total 30 in their immediate future.

Judges? Bruno says it was a hit parade onthe dance floor. Carrie Ann says it was her favorite of the season. Len says it was oscar worthy. (Someone, take Lenny’s happy juice away.) Well, the 30 is a foregone conclusion, but if they were trying to help a brother out, they just took it away and basically gave the title to Mario. We’ll see. Scores? 10, 10, 10 for 30. Buzzkill Sam tries to burst their bubble talking about the future apart. Mario deflects well. So…Sam doesnt’ take the hint and goes after Karina. (Microphone? Off. Now. Sheesh.) I don’t even like these two, but I wanted Karina to take the mic and smack Sam in in the head with it. I’d have cheered for them like I never have all season.

Okay…I tried to vote for Emmitt off and on during the show and after and got a busy signal every time. I hope that means good things.

Winner is crowned…tonight! (Whatever will we blog about next week? Our shows are leaving us. Pout. New shows! We want new shows!)

Happy Hump Day everyone! (And don’t forget to play SHaQ Attack! See Monday’s post for all the details.)

Tags: Writing //