…a day late with my MAC. Sorry for the delay! But my DSL is up and running…and so are the teams on Amazing Raaace.

But first, a word about Phil’s Pants. The jeans? Wear them often, Phil. Or, you know, not at all.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled MAC.

With the Cho Bro’s leaving last week, we are down to our final four teams. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Where has the time gone anyway? Sniff.

So, the Moddicts, BQ’s, Romberly, and the *lyns all head toward Morocco and Casablanca. (I really like the places they’ve gone this season! Very different.) After some airport screwups, they all manage to get to their destination at the same time anyway. Everyone takes off, but not as fast as the BQ’s, who have become pros at hiring people to show them where to go. However, it is the Bama girls, who took the time to actually, you know, read a map while waiting for their flight, who know where to go and find the antique shop with the first clue before the rest of the teams.

You know, I thought they had a better race in them, and in that respect, I’m glad to see I’m right. But, unfortunately, Karlyn is such a sour puss of a person, with a seriously entitled attitude, that I just can’t find myself rooting for them. Lyn, I could root for, but ditch the teammate. So, they get the clue while everyone else circles what appears to be a not great part of town. Also bugging me? That the only remaining men on the race use the BQ’s to find where they’re going, but as soon as they look like they’re in trouble - and I mean real trouble as a gang of guys in the middle of the night descend on their car, they all take off. Seriously was not impressed with that. (Yes, I know the BQ’s had a cameraman with them, but still. They lose major guy points on that one. You don’t leave women anywhere who look like they’re about to be assaulted. Especially women you were just using to help you get ahead. I don’t care if it’s a race. What’s wrong with you?)

So, the *lyns have a huge lead and are off toward a movie studio set in the desert…and there is a yield coming up. Which Karlyn talks about incessantly, how she cannot WAIT to use this yield because they really really need any help they can get on this race. And she is particularly excited about the chance to use it on the BQ’s as payback for all her perceived wrongs at their hands during the race. No love loss between these teams.

Of course, Romberly and the Moddicts are also desiring to yield the BQ’s to get an edge. (Funny that the Moddicts automatically assumed when they saw a clue gone at the antique shop,that it was the BQ’s who’d gotten there first. Couldn’t possibly be the *lyns. But NO Moddicts, you left the BQ’s to get mauled, remember? So it couldn’t be them, could it?)

So….the *lyns are allllll excited to yield and they ran the best leg so far and if I were them, I’d yield the consistantly first place team, too….but no, the studios aren’t open until morning. Amazing Race producers? You’ve done an outstanding job this season, really, but you don’t put a yield behind an “hours of operation” location where instead of favoring teams who worked hard to gain an edge and therefore deserving of using the yield, you make it a footrace of the fittest when the location opens for business. Bad Racing Producers, Bad.

And, because the *lyns can’t run, the Moddicts and Romberly get to the yield first, where they both, completely inexplicably, do not do the *lyns dirty work for them and do not use the yield. Do not get that. So the BQ’s out footrace the *lyns…aaaaaand they yield them. Now, I know the *lyns have been perennially in the back of the pack, and it might seem to some that yielding the last place team doesn’t make any sense and is just done for spite, but A: the *lyns were in first place at that location, and B: with only 4 teams left and you’re in 3rd? You do whatever you have to, to widen your edge. It’s a RACE. But does Karlyn get that? Um, definitely not. After just spending a good hour chanting about karma being a bitch and how she couldn’t wait to yield the BQ’s, she is incensed, y’all, in-censed, that they would DARE to, you know, make this a race and do anything strategic like, oh, I don’t know, yield somebody.

To Karlyn, this is just plain mean-spirited and cruel, and completely unfair and boy, she sure hopes the BQ’s can sleep at night. (Pot? Hello, Pot?) Then she does something sure to make her children proud. You know, the children she is running this race for? Yeah. She flips the BQ’s off. To Lyn’s ever-loving credit, she chastises Karlyn and tells her that was “ugly.” Go, Lyn. Your partner is not a pleasant woman. In fact, she is the definition of buzz kill. I get the feeling that Lyn has always known that Karlyn isn’t the most pleasant person on the planet, but I’m guessing this race has really opened her eyes to just how small minded and mean spirited a person she really is. It has me, and I don’t even know her.

So…on to the Roadblock. Which is kind of cool, as one member of each team dons desert robes and headdresses and heads out onto the studio lot where movies like Cleopatra were filmed to go on a chariot race with some stunt people. One chariot falls apart, sending stuntmen flying, which makes our teams gasp and pray that won’t be their chariot. Oh, Race Producers, I do love you.

Team members grab flags as they race around the track and, one by one, as the *lyns watch from their yield mat, the teams complete the Roadblock. As they finish, the *lyns get on the course where a very pissed off Karlyn snatches those flags down, y’all. Snatches. Was it just me, or do you think she envisioned long blond hair attached to those things?

So, off the teams go, racing toward the next clue, which will get them to the Detour. The BQ’s, without anyone to hire to lead them places, actually have a very bad navigational race, starting all the way back at the first airport. It hasn’t hurt them yet, but the law of averages finally catches up to them and they lose major time by not reading maps or following directions.

Rob, on the other hand, proves there is no law of averages when it comes to having cars that constantly break down. Now, Karlyn makes a comment as they pass by that if the cars keep breaking down, maybe it’s the driver, but in this case, it’s a flat tire. Hardly the driver’s fault. Although…otherwise? She might have a point. (Hate to say.) Rob does seem to consistently have a LOT of problems driving cars. I don’t think he really can drive a stick. So they work on that as all the other teams pass by…and now, a flat tire has done more than a yield to change the order of the racers. (Delete. The. Yield. racing producers.)

The roadblock consists of two tasks - grind it, which is all about grinding olives and stuffing them in sacks. Or throw it, which is all about making pottery. Which excites James until he realizes they dont’ actually get to, you know, throw the pots. They have to make them. Oh. Not as exciting for James. Each task has three stations set up (with 4 teams racing) and it’s first come, first serve. And though teams initially set out for different tasks, everyone ends up grinding olives. Including a directionally challenged BQ team who gets there last, and rather than go throw pots, they wait. Not sure that was such a great idea.

From the olive grinding, it’s a race to Phil and the Amazing Bathmat of Philimination. The *lyns get there just behind the Moddicts, who have to race allll the way back to their car to get the amulet they were told to bring with them from the antique shop…but because the *lyns can’t run to save their lives (or win a million dollars) the Moddicts beat them back to the mat for another first place finish. The *lyns are in second - which, with starting in last AND having a yield? Is pretty damn impressive. And I am impressed. And reallllly wish I could root for them more whole heartedly. But Karlyn? You are a nasty piece of work. I just can’t get in your corner. Lyn? You have all my sympathy.

Romberly gets there third, which leaves the BQ’s shockingly in last place. I’m sure Karlyn is just overjoyed at how karma has Shown Them. BUT! Because Karma really is an amusing gal, the BQ’s get a Non Elimination speech from Phil and are now a Marked Team. (And if ever a marked team could make up time, it’s these two. One bad leg doesn’t diminish their strength as racers.)

But again, at the risk of really whining…what is the point of having a yield on a non-elimination leg? Pointless.

So! Next week? Lyn cracks and goes off on Karlyn as every man, woman, and beauty queen in America stands and cheers. I’ll tune in for that alone. But no, it’s a double header of screeching when Kimberly melts down completely. Of course, she’s being pelted with tomatoes by locals, so can you blame her? Why aren’t they throwing them at Karlyn?

It’s now a race for the final three….and I have no idea who I’m really rooting for now. I think that I kind of have to get behind the Moddicts. Not that they’re just this great team who I love, but they don’t race dirty, they’re usually helpful to others, they don’t say snarky things other than with obvious amusement, they get along with each other, treat each other pretty well, especially as it’s late in the race and that million dollars is Right. There. now, they seem to understand it’s a race and not take anything personally, and they seem to really be enjoying themselves and the adventure they’re on. Can’t say that 100% about the other teams. I have pros and cons for each of them. So, sort of by default, they deserve it. I guess. Sigh.

Oh! And in Other News….they have already started filming the next season of Amazing Race, which is to air in March. And? Its an All Star version! Hunh. We’ll see how that works out.

Who do you want to win this season?

SHaQ Attack contest begins tomorrow! Tune in then for the details.

Tags: Writing //