It’s a bit soggy and a lot windy out there, which is why I’m glad I’m in here, dishing about last night’s Survivor!

Jonathan isn’t the most liked guy at camp, which comes as no surprise to him and doesn’t particularly upset him. Or me. He’s not stupid. Far from. But when the Raro’s can’t seem to wrap their tiny, ineffective brains around the fact that he flipped sides again because Yul threatened to vote him off the island, he tells them Yul has the idol and he really didn’t have a choice. The game is called Survivor and if he wanted to, you know SURVIVE, he had to do what he had to do. Certainly, you’d think the puny Raro tribe would get this since they have done the SAME THING three weeks in a row to their own tribemates. Yeah, YOU chose to keep Jonathan in the game over them. Your votes did that. Not Yul’s, not anything Jonathan did. You kept him in the game because you’re too lazy to get up and do all the work he does. I wanted to throttle all of them. Not only do they not get their supreme hypocrisy, they don’t believe him about Yul having the idol, which proves he made the right choice anyway. Raro doesn’t have the collective strategic brains of a flea.

(Sorry, I’m insulting fleas everywhere.)

Not only do they not get that someone is actually playing the game, NOW they want Jonathan gone because, waaaaah, they can’t believe he’s going to be in the game longer than they are. So unfair, pout pout! Uh, gee, Brad, Rebecca and Jenny probably felt the same way. Sheesh!!

At Reward Challenge, it’s auction time, which means a lot hot dogs, fries, and pizza if you’re Jonathan, a hot bath and cake if you’re Parvati, endless ice cream if you’re Ozzy, and even more power in the game if you’re Yul and Becky. Which nets Becky the chance to send Candice to Exile immediately AND take her money. Loved that. And Candice still doesn’t get why, oh why, don’t they like her? Why would they keep doing this to her? Well, Candice, they’ve already pissed you off about as much as a person can by sending you the first three times. Why piss somebody else off? It’s called strategy. You might want to look that up when you get home. And, you know, you mutinied. Remember? (Oh, or does that only count when Jonathan does it?) Sure, it sucks, no doubt. Cry me a river. You chose your own path in the game, so you could essentially lay around and do nothing and mac with your boyfriend (and am I the only one who is completely and totally skeeved out by the idea of kissing anyone after a month of not brushing teeth and bathing? Shudder shudder shudder!) Your strategy, Candice, consists solely of doing nothing around camp, then trying hard for immunity. Game doesn’t work that way. It’s a social game, not just an immunity contest. Raro has NO clue, and you’re the ringleader of cluelessness, but then look who you chose as your boyfriend?

Back at camp, Jonathan’s stock falls even further with his boorish behavior after all the food he ate. Now, mind you ANYONE could have bid on that food. Jonathan didn’t keep anyone from eating and its not like he could share. He’s not particularly gracious about it (loved it when he tipped Probst), but it’s not his fault you didn’t put your money on the table if you were so damn hungry. Again, I don’t get the hate. YOU kept him in the game, you knew what he was like, live with it.

Oh yeah…and at reward challenge, Yul not only tells everyone he does have the idol, he shows it to them. And Candice, Adam, and Parvati are shocked, shocked I say. Like, oh my god, Jonathan was telling the truth? But…how can this be? How can the smartest guy in the game actually have the idol?

Are you kidding me, Raro??? Are you guys here on vacation?

Back at camp, do the Raro Trio DO anything to improve their standing with Yul, who is now openly the power player in the game? No. They go in their tent and play snuggle bunnies while Jonathan fishes, and Becky and Sundra clean camp and Yul and Oz get firewood. So, when Aitunes + J are sitting around preparing dinner, having done ALL the work, do they bother calling out the snuggle bunnies to join them? Uh, no. (I stood up and cheered. Finally, the workers giving the slackers the collective finger. It’s about damn time.) What’s truly hilarious, is that it’s the team in power doing all the work, when traditionally, they’re the ones who become slacking asses, because they can. The dim bulb Raro Trio can’t seem to grasp the fact that, with no power, why should anyone be doing them any favors? Including feeding their sorry behinds.

So Candice has the Brilliant Idea to head right on over there and give that skanky rat Jonathan a piece of her mind. And when Jonathan calls her on her crap – like when she claims he’s only working hard to kiss up, and he’s like, uh, I’ve always worked hard. What have you done missy? Oh yeah, nothing - she then outs the four people in power, and mainly the Big Guy, Yul (always a great idea, Candice. Boy, you are SMRT smart) by blabbing to Jonathan that she heard them dissing him, too. Yul calmly tries to interrupt her tirade to explain that she’s taking the things he said out of context, but she’s on a roll now. A roll straight to tribal council, but she doesn’t get this. If I could have, I’d have sent her back to Exile right then.

Oh yeah..somewhere in there they had an immunity challenge that involved math. Now, don’t fall over in shock, but Adam wins this. I know. The world tilted off it’s axel slightly, dogs and cats, living together, insanity reigns. However, to be honest, I don’t think anyone in Aitu tried all that hard. They’re tired, they don’t need this one, so let the worms squirm for it. Still. Adam? Math? I marvel.

So now the Raro Three come up with the New Brilliant Idea of blackmailing Yul into voting Jonathan off before them. (Like it’s not occurring to them how to change the game for them to stay, much less win, just, we hate J and we want him out first, then you can just vote us out, too.) Um. Lay down and be rolled over much? Good thing Yul didn’t play the game that way. They tell Yul that when he’s final 2 (because, hey, it’s a foregone conclusion in their mind now that he would get there and god forbid they try and use logic on one of his teammates to see this and maybe change the game up…I mean, doubtful they’d do it, but TRY people, TRY.) So they tell Yul that when he’s standing there wanting that million, if he votes J out before them, they’ll give Yul their votes. If not…no votes for you, Yul! Neener neener!

Yul makes one hugely critical mistake however. He’s so used to using Becky as his sounding board, he seemingly doesn’t realize that when he – going along with their final 2 scenario, and thinking ahead in case he’s one of the final 2 – discusses the possibility of losing their votes in that scenario, that he’s saying this to the woman who he has promised to be the one standing next to him if he is final 2….uh, not smart there big guy. The look on Becky’s face was all, waaaaait a minute here…. So…chink in the impenetrable armor that is Aitu? Well, it does have to happen, as they can’t all win, and I think Becky just woke up to the actual reality of that fact.

We’re off to tribal council, where Nate is a complete ass to the shock of absolutely no one, and even Jenny seems to be all happy on Nate’s side when the remaining survivors have a tribal council shout down between Jonathan and well, everyone else. I don’t get that. I get she doesn’t like J, but does she still remember it was HER OWN people who voted her out? Helllllooooo? So, no making faces in the jury please. You’re sitting over there for a reason, Smirky McSmirkysons, and that reason is YOUR OWN tribe, not Jonathan.

Back to Tribal Silliness. Jonathan takes on Raro before they can point the finger at him and whiiiiiine for him having the nerve, the very nerve, to do all the work, provide all the food, and not invite them to the table after he was done doing all the work. How dare he! And, he’s such the rat, Jeff! Betraying people. Sort of like, oh, I don’t know, all three remaining members of Raro who did this not once, but THREE times to their own teammates, each time choosing to keep the rat over their allegiance to their own people. God, the hypocrisy was getting so deep, I needed a back hoe. At least Jonathan doesn’t pretend to be anything other than he is – a guy playing the game of Survivor. Love him or hate him, and it’s easy to swing back and forth with this guy – he’s not doing anything he’s not supposed to be doing. Like he said, they’re playing for a million dollars. A million dollars. He, like me, can’t seem to get why they aren’t figuring out it’s a game with pretty big stakes, so why are you getting all wounded when someone does something to get farther in the game and win the big bucks? Mostly because when Raro voted out their own people, they only did it because, well, they just didn’t like them that week. Neener neener nancy cakes.

In the end, Aitu rules and Candice’s whiny, hypocritical little fanny is sent packing. But not before she and Adam share the longest (ickiest – one word here, Listerine!!) goodbye kiss in tribal history. After which, Probst snuffs Candice’s torch while simultaneously delivering the Best Parting Shot ever. He says, “A kiss is nice, but if it were love, he’d have given you his immunity necklace.” HA! Buh bye, Candice.

And now I reallllllllllly want it to be Yul and J as the final two, but only to make Raro eat their words (if not fish…ha) and vote for Yul anyway, after making their weak blackmailing threats. Actually, if Jonathan makes it that far, he is every bit as deserving as Yul, because they are both playing this game as a game. To that end, Yul was completely right in what he was telling the Dim Bulb Trio – he can predict what J would likely do, because J plays with logic, not “I don’t like him, vote him off!! Waaaah!” They are both seriously playing this game. I hope Yul and Co are smart enough to say buh bye to J while they can.

All the same, Becky? Now’s the time to get with Oz and Sundra and start making plans if you want to be around in the end. But I think she gets that.

Next few weeks might not be all that surprising at tribal, but camp life should be entertaining!

Don’t forget to send your votes in for Amazing Race….a lot of names already in the pot with the Candice ouster, but it’s not to late to join them! I’ll announce the winner Monday, along with some Race MAC.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Tags: Writing //