You know, I really thought, going into the semi final rounds on American Idol, that the guys were going to totally kick bootay. As it turns out? Not even.

So, last night is the remaining 8 trying to become one of the six who go to the finals (and get to be on tour, and make the cd, etc etc.) I couldn’t pick six of these guys I want to see perform for the next month or so if I was paid to do it. I’d be hard pressed to pick four.

Blake does (for me) one of the more enjoyable performances of the night, though the band needed to way reggae that up more. I am worried about him going first, though. Him, I would put through.

Sanjaya hulas. Yeah. Not “I lived in Hawaii and learned to swallow burning swords and do the warrior dance.” No. We get “I lived in Hawaii so thought it was perfectly normal to learn to hula.” Even the pre-teens swooning over him have to be more clued in than that. Come on.

Chris R goes country and I thought it sounded all nasal-whiny and just plain boring. But then, I don’t get the appeal with him anyway. He’s a good performer, entertaining, but his voice is just this weird high pitched nasal whine to me that is totally unappealing. Close your eyes and listen to him sometime. Ew. And ouch. Cute kid, but no.

Sundance tackles Vedder. Color me…really? On AI? It was horrible and somewhere Eddie must be tied up and held hostage cuz no way did he okay them using this song. But I digress. I was impressed that he went for something like this and I got what he was trying to do, but I thought he totally missed the delivery. I also think “more blues - less grunge” might be an idea worth pursuing. If, you know, he was still on the show, which I fervently don’t believe he should be.

Jared sings Stevie (because boy canNOT buy a frakking clue.) The thing with Jared is his voice has no depth, no richness of tone. It is one dimensional at best. But he is darned good looking, so he coasts on a high school musical voice. A shame. It’s no where near enough for what this show should be.

Brandon sings Rare Earth and I appreciate that he is really trying to entertain. I think he has a good voice, surely better and richer than Jared’s, but it’s still background vocals to me. It doesn’t reach the nose bleed seats. Still, I like the guy, and if I had to put through six of these wannabes, he’d make the list. (Faint praise, but it’s the best I can do.)

Phil. I do NOT get the love with this guy. He cannot start a song to save his life. It takes him a full minute to finally find his pitch and his range, then he glory notes his way out, and people love him and say he can sing. Intermittently, yes, he can. But singing sort of requires you can do, like, the whole song. All at once. Crazy, I know. I think he’s impossible to watch (he just creeps me out completely) but, close your eyes, and, you know, it doesn’t get better, people. Shudder.

Chris Sligh. Sure, he’s a huge voice inside a mop top body. But…that voice. THAT is richness of melody. THAT is reaching the back row. THAT is what I’d pay big bucks for the rest of the guys on this show to have. Sure, weird song choice, a bit safe, but he’s the only one with a voice anywhere near as powerful as the top girls.

So, my rankings in order…Chris S, Blake….then I guess Brandon, and if I have to, Chris R. After that Sundance/Phil/Jared in no particular order because none of them should stay, and last would be Sanjaya because…do I really have to explain why?

Yeah. Not all that exciting. Not one of them I’m compelled to vote like a mad fiend for. Or, you know, vote at all for.

Looking forward to the girls tonight. Melinda, LaKisha, Stephanie, Gina, Jordin, and, I suppose, Sabrina (but really, girl shouts a lot) all work for me. Antonella, go home. Haley (I know, who?) go home.

Tags: Writing //