So….it took me a bit longer than I’d hoped, but here it is!

First…on Amazing Race, all the same teams are racing and apparently I didn’t miss all that much except big rats and the great Mat Chase, which POUT! they didn’t show in the highlights. But we got some serious eyebrow porn from My Phil this time, so all is forgiven. And Danny and Oswald? I want to go shopping with you. How much fun are these guys, anyway? Stop for fruit, throw a wicket or two, and still make it to the mat in time for a mani-pedi. Much love. Favorite team twice over now.

So, Uchenna and Joyce are marked and will suffer a 30 minute delay if they aren’t first. There is a LOT of time spent in airports where basically the Guidos and Teri and Ian get screwed over repeatedly on standby. Mirna and Charla are actually decent racers with a minimum of screeching and a sudden departure of the I-use-wacky-accents-with-talking-to-foreign-people. All of this is good for them, but bad for me as I still really can’t stand them. The final seven teams end up in several clumps, with Mirna/Charla in the lead (again, I know. Surely the first sign of the apocalypse) along with Danny and Oswald (because, come on, the universe is only so ironic.) Then we have the BQ’s and Uchenna and Joyce duking it out in Clump Two. Eric and Danielle, who still don’t impress me, in their own little clump, but closely followed by Teri/Ian and Team Guido.

In the end, they make puzzles, haul wood (way to go BQs!) and throw things, Uchenna gets to jump with the Masai, which clearly touched him and made me like him for, like, a whole minute, then everyone is racing to the mat in their clumps. Because Karman thinks this is amusing, Mirna and Charla come in first AGAIN then don’t know what a catamaran is (that they just won) and it’s clear that Phil is still charmed by Charla because he obviously doesn’t have to race with her. Danny and Oswald come in a graceful and elegant (and well fed) second. Uchenna and Joyce come in third, wait their thirty minutes, and are still third, so maybe the BQ’s should have done the puzzle like all the other teams, but it was still cool to see them rock the physical task. They are fourth. Dani and Eric clump in at number 5, and after much fake drama, once again the Guidos are the better racers and come in one shy of being eliminated. That honor went to Teri and Ian. Who were so horrible to each other the first time they raced, so were far more tolerable and even likable at times on this race…but I can’t say I was crushed to see them go. Though I’d have easily sent a number of other teams first. Next week? Two hour special! Squee! Oh, and Charla in a suit of armor. I am not making that up.

Now, on to Dancing With The Stars, Week One, Part 2.

Will anyone surprise us tonight?

Hi Tom! Hi Samantha. Sam, you are very tan and I totally do not get what you are doing with your hair.

Wow, Cheryl is showing off the lean, mean, bod in Clothing By Edyta. Alec is wearing a very unfortunate beige body suit of some kind It should be a crime to do that to such a gorgeous frame. And the greased back hair lost some points for me, too. I don’t care if that’s the Ballroom Way. Karina is in red (shocking!) and Billy Ray’s look is actually is improved by Ballroom Hair. He has a bit of Maks Style, which I’m always 100% in favor of. Tony looks like he should be on a Tuesday Night Men’s Bowling league and Leeza proves a red, spangly ballroom dress slit down to there can still be frumpy. I have no idea what Joey was wearing (something from the Devil’s Wedding Party I think) because I was too busy ducking from the torpedoes Kym stashed in the bra of her dress. No way were those actual breasts. Honestly, she could hurt somebody with those things. Laila looked good in…something peach and her partner Maks had no sleeves and no shirt to speak of so who cares what she had on anyway? Edyta is wearing more than Cheryl, but only if you count flounces. John looks great in tails. Brian scares me, and Shandi would have looked very silicone Barbie except for Kym coming out first, which makes Shandi look almost normal. Elena and Clive look ever so elegant and black and powder blue. And while Heather’s dress and hair isn’t as butt ugly as last week, they didn’t fall all over themselves to do her any favors, either. Jonathan’s chest hair does help, however. Apolo and Julianne are going to a very grown up prom and I love them already.

And here we go…tonight we get either the quick step or the mambo. I hope at leastsome of my teams get the dance I’d rather see (which will pretty much always be the mambo, because I think the quickstep is the dance of the devil. Who makes people do that? Dance around all twinkly toed on crack? And on week 2? Mean, I tell you, mean!) I’d rather they just bring the sexy. Mambos all around!

But no. The women get the mambo, the men get, well…you know. So wrong.

First up, we get…

Apolo and Julianne who are the cutest things ever. Love them. They look great and I love her choreo for the quickstep. I’m actually really impressed with these two. Judges agree - 8, 9, 9 for 26.

Miss USA and Brian (who I feel should always have like ten exclamation points after his name to indicate his level of hyperness.) They mambo and I felt like she had a little bit of a hard time keeping up and they definitely didn’t seem connected to one another at all, mostly because she seemed too distracted by remembering her steps. I did like her better this time in the class clips. Judges agree with me on distracted stuff and they get 21.

Next is Clyde and Elena and poor Clyde has to overcome old rotator cuff injuries. He looked pretty light on his feet during their dance, but it’s a tough thing to overcome their height difference, though they certainly did a great job trying. The fans certainly loved them. Judges thought they improved greatly and did a good job. Scores 6, 6, 6 for 18. I thought that was a hair low, but compared to the level of skill of some of the others, probably fair.

Leeza and Tony are up next and Leeza is celebrating her 50th tonight. I hope I look that great–okay, I don’t look that great now, so I have no hope, but she looks wonderful and has a great attitude. I hope she loosens up a little tonight. I fear she will not last long unless she connects better with viewers. Well, this viewer anyway. And I like her. But there’s a lot of cute and adorable on the show this season and I don’t think she’ll overcome that. Mambo time. She’s having a good time, I think, for her, but she just has this super controlled way about her that doesn’t translate well to ballroom. A shame, because she has the skill set, she just can’t let go. Judges were all kind to the birthday girl, but all seemed to agree she needs to just let it all hang out. I’m pretty sure this is letting it all hang out for Leeza, but she was having fun out there and that was nice to see. Scores - 7,7,7 = 21 which was more than fair.

Time for Ian and Cheryl - woo hoo! Cute dad, cute puppy. Hope he can pull it off. They start off great - wish they were wearing bright cheery colors as the other couples did - this is too happy a dance for all black — and as I watch them I can’t help but wonder how much pressure Cheryl must feel to be super great with every performance. Black buzz kill attire aside, they look lovely and I think her choreo is great as always. I admit I enjoyed watching Apolo and Julianne more, but they did a super job, too.

Judges - Carrie thinks they’re great and want even more, Len and Bruno want a better frame and less hoppy bunny. Bruno? Kisses. Scores - (may I again say I have NO idea what is up with Samantha’s hair? It’s like it was originally an updo that came loose in a wind storm.) 7, 8, 7 = 22 (to huge boos from the audience.) I might have given an 8, but that’s close to fair.

Commercial. I’m totally watching Bachelor this season. I saw him interviewed after they finished taping and he was so cute about how much he loves the woman he ends up with, I was suckered in. I’m such a marshmallow.

Next up Paulina and Alex. Love her. What IS he wearing? And I like him better without Ballroom Hair. Did I mention I love her? She is so one of my heroines. I totally identify with her. Well, except for that whole super model thing. Because, yeah, I’m no super model. At any age. So, here we go with mambo. She looks great. Very 50’s, love the hair. She definitely goes for it, but she is right. She has no inner Latina. And gorgeous super model gams but perhaps a little tanning lotion wouldn’t hurt. And girl can’t point her toes to save her life. Still, I love, just with she was more a natural at this. I fear for her longevity. Plus, I’m so shallow, but she’s so super tall, I’d love to see her with a taller partner. I know, they don’t have one, and Alec gives it his absolute swiveling hipped best, but…that’s just me.

Judges? Bruno says she’s Fifth Avenue Mambo. Carrie Ann admires the extension on her six foot long legs. Len wanted more raunch but was glad to see her having fun. I was glad they found positive things to say. They were pretty harsh last week and could have been this week, but it’s supposed to be FUN, guys. Glad they gave her a little credit. Scores - 7, 7, 7 = 21. Very generous, but yay!

New resident expert Jimmy Kimmel? I want front row for that.

Karina and Billy Ray are up and everyone on the planet agrees he was the worst last week, including the judges. Will he improve? I still say it won’t matter for at least a week or two how he does. He’s humbly adorable and Hannah Montana’s teen fan base will keep him in. (Sorry, Leeza.) But I am hoping he does better tonight. The practice footage is hilarious, but not promising. And honestly, crazy bear in the swamp has to try quickstep? Ultimate cruelty there. But he goes, and I, for one, am rooting for him. Here we go - now he will probably get grief for the guitar and the Elvis outfit, but I liked it. And yay! He’s not great, but he is really really trying hard - including counting under his breath which I thought was too cute. (Mostly because this would be me out there, so I am identifying in a big way.) Cool that they let them dance to Johnny Cash Ring of Fire. I really thought this was possibly about as good as he’s capable of doing. Was it great? No. But for him? It was gold medal. Karina looked stunning and that dress was a perfect compliment to his less than graceful bunny hopping. She did a good job with choreo and I am actually liking her this season. (The second sign of the apocalypse.) All the credit in the world to her for getting that perfomance out of him. Hell, he deserves to stay after that. I’d vote for him. And how relieved is he that that is over?

Judges? Lenny says he took a musical valium and did a good job. Bruno says he was a southern gentleman. Carrie Ann says he wins Most Improved. Scores - 7, 7, 7 = 21 which was super (last week was 13.)

Heather and Jonathan are up. She’s dressed and styled better this week. I wondered how they’d deal with the super short latin style outfits. They made her a fringy pantsuit thing and though it’s not quite fabulous, it will get the job done (and is still miles better than that horrid dress they put her in last week.) She looks great, the rehearsal footage is so impressive, and she’s more likable this week, too. Here we go - they start off with eye popping flipping choreo and she really makes that pant suit work. She’s the most natural in her own skin so far with the women this week, and does a great job. She has great showmanship, too and plays to the audience. And Jonathan is super cute. Good job, charity campaigner.

Judges - Carrie Ann says the difficulty was crazy and they nailed it. Lenny says it was great. Bruno says she was red hot warp drive. (More love.) Scores - 8, 8, 8=24 and well earned.

Next is John and Edyta, and might I say just how enjoyable this season is shaping up to be. Fun cast! These two are very charming together and I think he’s lucky to have her. So, John is looking very striking in his tails and Edyta is looking equally striking in a lot of bare skin, and here we go. They look lovely. Very elegant and graceful and he does a good job of keeping up. Her flowing outfit and bright smile go a long way, too. Not the best, but I was grinning the whole time. A lot of fun.

Judges - Bruno said he totally sold the role. Carrie Ann said they pulled it together. Uncle Lenny said it was a good performance, well done. Scores - 7,7,7 = 21 which is generous. I’d have gone more 6’s, but add in a point for sheer entertainment value, than, yeah, okay.

Time for Laila and Maks. I have high expectations for this one. Should be the mambo of the night. Loved Maks! In the gym! More of that, please. Laila cracks me up. Love those two together. Here we go. And Bruno is finally going to get his tramp, and Lenny his raunch. Laila is gorgeous and completely unafraid of shaking her groove thang. Girl gots moves. And Maks? Swoon. Together these two sizzle like we knew they would. His grin is wicked. Dance of the night for me (Sorry Apolo, but you’re a close second.) I don’t think I’ve ever grinned so much watching this show as I have tonight. Great time - and good latin music. Thank you stoner music dude!

Judges - Lenny says it was the best mambo of the night. Bruno says she’s mistress of the art of seduction and Carrie Ann says that was Hotttt. And that she worked the floor, and she worked Maks. Yeah baby. Scores - 9, 9, 9 = 27. That’s about right. Samantha totally calls Maks out on whining about how sore he was after the gym, but he gets his back by showing off some pretty nice guns. Ha.

Wrapping up the night in the Prime Pimp Spot, is Joey and Kym. Yay! Loved his mugging for the camera. She really has her hands full. His tux of the devil is a bit much, but hair and beard action is pretty sexy. I want to strap Kym into her dress more, but she looks pretty devilish, too. You can tell that Joey really doesn’t come into his own or get serious until he’s actually on stage, but when he does, he brings it and is very charming and charismatic. Good thing. The opening is very cute, and it segues nicely into the real dance. I just noticed the J and F on the flaps of his tails. Overkill, but funny. They look really wonderful together and match up nicely physically. He looks like he’s trimmed down significantly in just a few weeks, too. Good job. The best quick step of the night. Nice way to end the show.

Judges - Carrie Ann says she loved the show they put on. Uncle Lenny says strong performance, well done. Bruno didn’t get the cute part, but loved the real part. Oh Bruno. Scores - (a hahahaahhaah everyone behind them in the back room is doing the “George Michael” that Bruno didn’t understand. Love that! Ha!) 8, 8, 8 = 24 (I think that’s low, esp if they gave Laila 9’s.)

Here is the score board for this week and last week, ranked by combined total. I’m pretty okay with these standings. No real quibble.

Out of a possible 60:

Maks & Laila - 23 + 27 = 50
Kym & Joey - 24 + 24 = 48
Julianne & Anton - 21 + 26 = 47
Cheryl & Ian – 21 + 22 = 43
Jonathan & Heather - 18 + 24 = 42
Alec & Paulina – 19 + 21 = 40
Brian & Shandi – 19 + 21 = 40
Edyta & John – 17 + 21 = 39
Leeza & Tony - 15 + 21 = 36
Elena & Clyde - 16 + 18 = 34
Karina & Billy – 13 + 21 = 34

Now for MY list. While I really enjoy the cast this season, and there is no clear favorite, I do have my favorites.
At the top would be Joey/Kym, Laila/Maks, Apolo/Julianne, Cheryl/Ian, John/Edyta
Following them, would be Heather/Jonathan, Shandi/Brian, Paulina/Alec, Clyde/Elena, Billy Ray/Karina, and Leeza/Tony.

I think the only pair I really don’t find myself enjoying for entertainment is Leeza/Tony. Meaning that while they are perfectly pleasant, I don’t look forward to seeing what they’re going to do on the floor. That same feeling would extend to Clyde, sorry to say. And Shandi/Paulina would be next on that list, though I love Paulina otherwise.

All the top teams, plus Heather and Billy Ray (now anyway) are teams I am excited to watch, just to see what happens next.

And I have NO idea who is going home tomorrow. I’d have to say Leeza. Who do you think is going home?

Don’t forget to enter the SHaQ Attack contest this week. See Monday’s blog for details.

Tags: Writing //