So, LaKiki kicks things off on Gwen Stefani week, singing….Donna Summers? Okay, so it’s No Doubt/Stefani songs and songs by artists who have inspired her. Hence…the Big D. And the Big LaK knocks it out of the park in boots that were made for walkin’. The judges all loved her and I did, too.

Next up? Chris Sligh singing The Police, Every Little Thing. Gwen notices his penchant to get ahead of the beat, something we’ve been noticing. Aaaaand, I’m not in love with this. It’s not a song that opens strong for him. And, unfortunately it doesn’t really gain strength as he goes on. He sounded a little rough during his Stool of Interview Madness with Ryan, so maybe he’s feeling a bit off and under the weather, but, all in all, still disappointing from one of my faves. Judges? (hides behind hands) Randy thinks it’s a good song choice and I disagree, but agree that he gets ahead of the beat. Paula agrees about staying in the beat pocket, but I disagree that he was tonally on track. Simon is the one who agrees with me on both parts. Big shock there. I’m sad. I don’t want to see him do poorly.

Now it’s Gina, who is a wreck because Gwen is one of her idols and inspirations. She picks a great song for her voice (I’ll Stand By You) and starts strong, stays there. Good performance. Interesting outfit, but she pulls it off. Judges? Randy thought it was her strongest and I totally agree. Paula agrees. Simon Says it was her best performance and best of the night in terms of marriage of song, persona, voice.

What is UP with Sanjaya’s hair? Oh. My. God. What is up is all of his hair. Is Up. Straight up. In some kind of hallucinogenic induced reggae mohawk. Yikes. He chose Bathwater, a No Doubt song that even Gwen sort of shrugs and wonders “really? You? Ooookay.” She’s imagining train wreck. So are we. But then, what’s new? And here we go… I don’t know the song, so can’t really comment on how horribly he’s destroying it, but I can’t say I’m enjoying the whole experience. His voice once again sounds too soft and sing songy to do this justice. Needs to be punchier, edgier, which I think Gwen and I both know is beyond his range, last week notwithstanding. Judges? From the look he’s giving the judges, I think he’s finally had it with all the crap he’s taken on a global scale (and really, who of us could stand up to that onslaught) and this is some kind of “go ahead, make my day” moment, where he’s just done caring. And for that, kudos. Because, honestly, what else is the kid to do at this point? Still, hated the song. But golf clap on the laser beam of defiance stare down. Randy says he’s speechless every time. Paula says if he’s going to do funky fauxhawks, he needs to bring it totally to the stage (a la last week, I presume) and I get behind that. Simon just laughs and says why comment when it’s clear it doesn’t matter what the judges say about him, anyway, and he just thinks it’s hilarious. I love Simon in this mood. Mostly because I’m in the same mood at the moment and happen to agree.

Up now? Haley, who chooses one of Gwen’s fave songs of all times, True Colors, which she has also covered. If the rehearsal is any indication….ouch. But maybe she’ll be less sharp noted on stage. Nice to know Gwen agrees with me about the whack arrangement she was going for. Don’t mess with a Cyndi Lauper classic. Here we go. Aaaand, she doesn’t take Gwen’s advice. Not that it really matters because her voice isn’t strong tonight. At all. Nice suit though. Judges…It was just a-ight for Randy, Paula agrees with Gwen, Simon says it was sweet but forgettable. Agreed. (And shut up crowd.)

Oh god. Phil is up and who told him to wear that hat? Dude. ::Shaking head:: He chooses Every Breath You Take by the Police and surprises Gwen who didn’t think it would be all that good. Well, I hope he surprises me, too, since he’s not a fave of mine. Just one bit of advice? Don’t wait until the end of the damn song to get on pitch, okay? She advises him to just stick to the song and don’t get cutesy. Here we go…and for the most part he listens to Gwen (what is wrong with these people? Listen to the star.) But he does great with the refrain, as he is wont to do. I like him much better if I listen and don’t actually watch him. But a good one for him. Wish they’d left the back up singers out of it. Judges? Randy dug it. Paula liked the chorus and agrees he plays it too safe in the verses. Wow, on point criticism. Simon said it was a good song choice and done well.

Next? MindyDoo, who picks Heaven Knows and knocks Gwen’s socks off as she’s been knocking our socks off. Collective love. Here we go…and I love the arrangement with the strings. Big sound for a big voice and strong stage presence. Really makes her performance. Cute hair. Weird outfit. Her Gails let her down with that this week, I think. Otherwise, she sings great again. I can’t say it was all that entertaining in the way maybe LaKiki was tonight, but she’ll never sing anything badly. Judges - Randy says she’s a pro who really understands the songs she sings - which is true. Paula…is back to stuttering. Simon says it was good, but maybe not her watermark night (agreed) and hates the outfit. See? He’s channeling me.

Up now…Blake. Yay! I think I look forward to him more than anyone each week. I think he’s the most “current” sounding artist up there. A lot of good and great singers, but he is the performer I want to watch as well as listen to. He picks The Cure, which doesn’t make me crazy happy, but whatever. Gwen is concerned, given the melody, how and when he incorporates the beat boxing, afraid it might overshadow what is a simple and pure melody, but is hopeful. As am I. Here we go….and I like this. He’s doing a good job with this. It’s a more solemn song for him than maybe I’d want to see, but he stays true to it and does really well with it. It does suit his voice very well. And he has the right look for this. Cutie patootie shaggy headed guy. Judges - Randy agreed about the song choice, but says he did the most with it. Paula loved it. And agrees he makes this competition contemporary. Simon says he’s definitely the strongest guy in the competition, but to be careful not to get too self indulgent and that it was a bit boring, which Randy and I so agree with and deluded Paula just keeps saying no, no, no. Don’t listen to her Blake. Does anyone listen to her?

Now we get Jordin, who I hope rescues things for the women tonight. Not that they really need it, but it hasn’t been a barrel of fun tonight for some reason. Maybe because LaKiki was over and done straight off and only Gina really brought it and that was with a slow song and so we need someone to kick this party up. Aaaand, she does!! Way to go, girl. She picks Hey Baby, which shocks me and Gwen, both in that she’s tackling such a huge song, and that..she can actually tackle such a big song. Yay! So, okay, she comes out wearing WHAT? It so distracts, especially when you’re singing a Gwen song and Gwen is all about cute and sexy and not…oh my god that’s ugly. But, thankfully, Jordin’s voice is not. Aaaand, then she sort of loses her way around the second refrain with the backup singers and derails. Nice try, but I don’t think you got this one.

(And is it just me, or does Gwen not have any expression when she talks. As in none. Seriously plastic. I love her, and I think she’s been great with the contestants, but damn she’s mannequin smooth.)

Judges? Randy said it was risky and she pulled it off. Paula…seal clap. Simon says she’s the most improved and did something young, if a bit copy cattish. I wasn’t as thrilled, but what do I know.

Chris Richardson closes the show tonight with Don’t Speak, and Gwen is a little put off that he thinks he needs to do vocal gymnastics with her song and hopes he doesn’t. Good luck with that, Gwen. (Hey, she smiled!) Here we go…like the sound as he begins. I think his voice is weakly soft, but it suits this song okay. Back up singers in this case help him out. He stays soft in the refrain which is probably a good thing since I don’t think his voice is strong enough to do more with it…except it really needs more. Could there be another bottom two for Chris this week? Hard to say. His refrains as he gets into it are stronger, and I even appreciate the runs, but….we’ll see. Judges - Randy liked the R&B Ska vibe. Paula….take another sip. Simon says it was a much much better song choice, liked the arrangement, but didn’t think the vocals were strong. And - he nailed it for me. I agree exactly.

I can’t even guess who will be bottom two this week. I think both Chris’s are in danger, as is Haley. I wish I could say Sanjaya is in danger, but we all know that’s not going to happen. What do you think? Who is going home tomorrow night?

Okay…now on to who gets the first boot on Dancing With The Stars… (And HA! Take that Fox for trying to step on Dancing’s toes by running a longer show. They just didn’t start getting into it until you were done. So there! Now who has two left feet?)

Laila and Maks get the encore and more Maks is never a bad thing. We also find out that Dionne Warwick is the guest singer tonight.

Who moves forward this week? Heather & Jonathan, and Clyde & Elena. Hmmm, wonder who is bottom three?

Dionne Says A Little Prayer for all of us and she looks and sounds fabulous. The dancers enter and Jonathan and Cheryl are smokin hot. The other guy? Not so much. Spastic guy a little bit. Tone it down a notch, dude. Brian is less flamboyant than you. I know, who knew that was even possible? But it was great to see the little Spitfire again. We miss you Trebunskaya.

Hi Brian Austin Greene! Squee!

Two more couples saved… Ian & Cheryl and Laila and Maks. Nothing shocking there.

Next week we get Jive and here’s a performance from the pros to show us how it’s done. The singers completely obliterate a Queen song - wow, did anyone even recognize it? But the dancers were fun to watch.

Next week, we also get the Tango, so naturally, we go to the supreme expert on the subject….Jimmy Kimmel. who shows us the intricacies of this sexy dance with? Guillermo, the parking garage attendant. Ha!

Back to reality, it’s time to find out which team is in the Bottom Two. First team in danger? Paulina & Alec. Then it’s Dionne’s turn to ask us if we know the way to San Jose (backed up with some girl on girl dancing action, that I totally didn’t understand.)

More safe couples….Joey & Kym, Apolo & Julianne, and John & Edyta. Also safe? Leeza & Tony. Ooops! I guessed that one wrong. Karina & Billy Ray? Also safe, to the shock of no one except, Billy Ray.

So, the other couple in the Bottom Two with Paulina & Alec is Shandi & Brian. At this moment, I’m picking Shandi/Brian as the exit this week, but hey…let’s wait until it’s official.

And officially? It’s Paulina & Alec. Sure, sure, she can’t dance all that well, but I liked her! Ah well. It’s not like Master P is still in there. Or Sanjaya. These two were my upcoming exiters anyway. Still…. Bye bye Paulina and Eye Candy Alec! Your humor will be missed. The Ballroom Hair? Not so much.

Don’t forget to enter this week’s SHaQ Attack contest. See Monday’s blog for all the details. Happy Hump Day everyone.

Tags: Writing //