That? Was a blast! Dancing With the Stars is back and it looks like a ridiculously fun season. Even if I only know a fraction of the celebs they snagged. Who cares? Everyone looks like they’re having a good time and committed to doing their best, and their enthusiasm is infectious.

Okay, boy, I hate to say it, but as excited as I was to see Drew Lachey standing in for New Mom Sam, he…..well, he’s not really all that good winging it, is he folks. Maybe he’ll loosen up. Maybe he’ll make me appreciate Sam Harris more. Who knows.

What I do know is that the band is playing Our Song and it’s time for some dancing! (Btw, I love Harold the Band Director Guy, but is it just me, or when they show his singers, do you always kind of gasp at the freak show element that always seems to hover about them? Who dresses these people? What are they on?)

First up we get a dance number by all of this season’s pros, and we have some new ones this season. It’s wicked fast and exciting! And we get to meet Our Judges, all of whom are back for another season of Sniff n Snark.

Finally, it’s time for the competition to begin. Tonight, the six women will compete, doing either the cha cha cha or the fox trot. We will meet the men romorrow tonight (and hey, this is a pretty good looking group this year. Maks? You’ve got company.)

First up is Jennie Garth, from 90210 fame. She seems so incredibly sweet, girl next door, and she is definitely trying her hardest. She gets Cutie Patootie Juliane’s brother, Derek, equally cute in the patootie department who is a new teacher this year, and I think they look adorable. I’d hate to go first, especially as it’s clear she’s not naturally in her element here, but working really hard. So what do the Producers That Care do to her? They give her Uptown Girl. For a cha cha. Wha?? It was ridiculously horrible music that even a good dancer (see: her instructor) had a hard time making look good. I really think she got royally screwed over on that one and I felt sorry for her. Despite that, she did a decent job and her scores - straight 7’s for 21, reflected that, and were on target. The judges were nice to her, too, which I was glad to see.

Second up? We get a super model I’ve never heard of before, Josie Maran, but then, I’m not a big reader of the SI Swimsuit Edition, so go figure. She actually seems cute and funny, and really wants to do this. Very unfortunately, she is the Kenny Mayne of female dancers. I mean, this chick cannot dance. At. All. Of course, she gets poor Alec Mazo, who, if he washed his hair regularly, would be a hottie in my book, and won the first season, but since then has had horrible luck in partners. His luck will not change this season, I don’t care how hard he works with her to get her strong. He did, however, have the funniest line of the night. He tells his partner that she looks really good, but is “deceptively unfit.” HA! But it’s so incredibly true. Girl is WEAK. But they get decent music for him to literally drag her around to. The judges are kindly harsh, but man, it’s hard to find anything nice to say. She’s really not good. She gets 6, 5, 5 - for 16, which is actually kind.

Third up, we get another chick who, not only have I never heard of her, I’ve never heard of her group. (Singing group? Dancing group? Television group? I have no idea.) Her name is Sabrina and she’s from the Cheetah Girls, who, if she is any indication, are Super Energizer Bunnies on Crack. My god, this girl is Wound. Up. Another thing this girl is, is a ringer. She’s a rap singer/dancer (I think) who can dance quite well, thank you. Just never did ballroom before. But dance training, to some degree, is dance training. She has another one of the new instructors, Mark Ballas, who I actually like quite a bit in all his dorkstarryness. He’s got some cuteness. Plus he seemed to feed off her energy well. (And, I just heard he is Julianne’s pro partner and I bet they are the super cuteness! So, we like him.) They even put some rap dance moves in their cha cha (which almost gives Uncle Lenny a heart attack, but which I secretly loved.) I did love Lenny cracking on Wayne Newton that he didn’t want to see any of that rap nonsense from him tomorrow night. HA! Lenny has a sense of humor! Who knew? Anyway, they hit the dance floor like an explosion of energy and sound and speed and dang!! You couldn’t help but just sit there and goggle. And feel really exhausted. But she’s good, and he choreo’d well for them, and I like him. So, by default, I was all into watching them. But I can’t say I love her. I do respect her work ethic and the way she attacks the dance floor though. Girl sold that one well into next week. Dang. They get a well deserved 26 and are most definitely the Couple To Beat.

Next up we get Poor Marie Osmond, who is only Poor because she has to follow that volcanic eruption, and really, who could? A shame Sabrina and Mark weren’t last instead of third. But what Marie lacks in dance skills (it’s a long list, y’all) she makes up for quite well with showmanship. And she’s funny. I liked her. But then, I’m from “her generation.” Sue me. I was happy to see she did well, and she scored well, too. A very decent (and kind) 21. Oh, and she has cutie patootie Jonathan as her partner and I think they are beyond the perfect fit. He always gets a great performance from his partner and choreo’s really well for their strengths and weaknesses. Go Jonny and Marie!

Scary Spice Girl, Mel B is next and she’s partnered with (SQUEE!!!) Maks!! Okay, is it me, or does Maks look really…..lean? I mean, he’s just not bringing the same Big Guy Mojo he has in the past. Plus, they saddled him with Laila last season, who matched him muscle for attitude. And this year he gets much the same in Mel. (Who I liked.) I think they are a great pair in terms of temperament, but I don’t see any chemistry there. He and Laila managed to find it, though, so I have hope. They do a very decent cha cha, and Mel’s stage training shows, too, but I wasn’t all ooh and ahh over them. 24 for them.

Last of the night is Dr Quinn, aka Jane Seymour, who looks a good twenty years younger than her 56 years of age. I hope I look that good….ever. She gets Tony and the fox trot and is just wonderfully lovely in a very Julie Andrews kind of way. The judges gush and I enjoy her, and I think she’s safe this week. It will be interesting to see how she tackles the sexier, faster numbers though. They get a 24 as well.

All in all, a good night. The judges, I think, were on point. Tom was in fine form. Drew….is cute. Ill leave it at that. And we get a peek into the guys side of things and they look like a lot of fun!! I don’t know most of them, but who cares! (Is it just me, or is Floyd Merriweather a serious little boxing cutie patootie?? I think he’s going to be great fun to watch.) I think they are all ready to rumble and tonight is going to be wonderful. Yes, even Wayne Newton. The only one I can’t say I’m all that attracted to caring about is Mark Cuban, but this comes as a surprise to absolutely no one. He is an incredibly young billionaire and I give him all the kudos for tackling something he wants to do for the hell of it, so publicly, because he can. Aaaaand, I hope he falls on his ass. But that’s just me.

So, join me tomorrow for all the MAN MAC you can stand!!

In the meantime…who were your faves? Who would you like to see conquer the odds? Who would you send home?

Don’t forget to enter this week’s SHaQ Attack contest. Seriously! See Monday’s post for all the details.

Tags: Writing //