Well….that was quite a night now, wasn’t it? I just have to ask, straight out, what is person who chooses which music is used smoking? And could you please give some of it to Carrie Ann so she can chill the hell out on the whole lift thing. Sheesh. Talk about sucking the fun out of the show.

Oh, and yes, Samantha Harris looks great for having a three week old at home, but I MISS DREW, DAMMIT! Boy, it’s just so much worse having her back after having had someone who actually makes the show, you know, fun. And wow, was the fun missing last night.

Not on the dance floor. And that’s the shame of it, it was actually a really interesting night, full of fiery paso dobles and lovely Viennese waltzes. Imagine how much better it would have been with music that actually goes with the dance The theme from Star Wars? Oh my god. Poor Edyta, but you rocked that number, babe! 10 to you just for being able to choreo ANYthing to that horrible music. And Mr. Bojangles? For a WALTZ???? All of the music was just godawful. And distracting. In fact, that was the worst week of music collectively in all five seasons of the show. Which, you know, with stoned music guy doing the choosing, is saying a lot.

But I got past it by being entertained by the actual dances. Then Carrie Ann had to suck whatever joy was left with her stupid insistence on the whole ridiculous lift thing. Clearly, they weren’t trying to do lifts or get away with anything. CLEARLY they were trying to keep their toes on the ground. There was nothing flagrant. And my god, they’ve been doing back flips and jumping rope and everything else because, it’s a TV SHOW, not a professional dance contest. So give it a rest already, Carrie Ann. Sheesh! Man she bugged. You know it’s whack when Uncle Lenny is the kinder, gentler judge. I loved Lenny tonight. (”Listen to Lenny, Jenny.” HA!)

On to the dances…

Jennie Garth totally rocked the night for me. Wow, she’s really come into her own. Loved how she ran over into her husband’s arms when it was over, so excited about nailing his favorite dance. Very cute, those two. She’s so much lovlier when she’s not all stressed out. My favorite of the night. Great choreo from Derek.

Also great was Julianne and Helio. Hard to believe she’s only 19. Beautiful choreo, just like her brother with Jennie, and very lovely to watch.

Loved Marie and Jonathan, loved that she went for the elegant and sexy and held off on the easy camp. I thought it was great.

Jane and Tony were also lovely, but you knew she would nail a waltz. I will say, that, for me, there is something a little boring in Jane’s dances, but she’s so lovely, I forgive.

Edyta and Cam - cripes, just being able to dance AT ALL to that whackball music was worth a high score, but they actually made their paso look good and fun. Cam is really improving and I just love how much fun he’s having. Is it a bad thing that I want him to take off the rest of his shirt?

The Middle of the Road for me…

Maks and Mel. I actually love these two together. Far more than Maks and Laila. I think she’s just the right amount of pushy for him and they really play very well off each other. They did well tonight, too, but the music didn’t help them out either and I wasn’t as excited as I usually am, but not a bad night. I will give large dollars to see Maks with all the Spice Girls next week if they make it through and I can’t imagine they won’t. Also - hi Ashley! Loved that Maks popped over and gave her a quick peck on the cheek on his way back stage. That was Ashley del Grosso, former pro on the show who gets the Worst Contestants Ever. She just got married and had her first baby.

The Ugly…

I’m sorry Floyd, I know how hard you’re trying and I do really respect that, I really really do. But you just can’t keep up with these other folks and whatever breakthrough they’re all talking about I just can’t imagine you ever changing. I’m sorry, but, in comparison to the rest, it’s bottom two again this week. You are doing your best, and Karina is certainly proud of your effort, so you’re not letting her down, but it’s just not going to be good enough.

And Mark, neither will you be. Hard worker, I’ll give him that, but he’s just not going to have it. He’ll go tonight or next week. It’s him and Floyd out 1, 2, this week and next, I presume. After that? Wow, it will be a battle royale every week.

Okay, I’ve saved Sabrina and Mark for last because 30???????? THIRTY????? Clearly I was watching an entirely different dance. The whole time I watched them, I thought, finally, they hit a week where her hard lines and power moves just aren’t going to work, which, being the paso, I thought they would, but man, I thought she was off the entire dance. Instead of shining despite her less than svelte body, I thought this showcased her shorter, stockier frame and in a very unflattering way. I thought the dance was really clunky looking and very heavy-footed and Mark was going way over the top with his fancy moves that made her look even clunkier to me. I was totally prepared for a “nice try, but that just wasn’t your dance, sorry sweetheart” commentary from the judges. So color me shocked when they literally drooled over it. I was just….speechless. Yikes! And then a perfect thirty? Wow.

So, between that and Lift Gate, it was an off night for me, despite some really great performances.

Tonight? Wade Robson thinks he can dance (and can’t wait for that one.) And we get a former champion and competitor coming back - Drew and Cheryl anyone? Who knows!

Also…I did watch Men In Trees. And all I can say is SIGH! Welcome back, show!! Loved it. I thought they did a really good job on sort of synopsizing an entire cast for new viewers. Liked the way they shifted the foundation of Jack and Marin. Loved Cash’s role in the show, hated what his rock said as that didn’t bode well. And does he have like the longest legs ever? Loved the whole rock thing, btw. Loved that we get to finally see whatsername’s son. Justine still can’t act her way out of a paper bag and sucked the joy out of every scene she was in. Man, I hope she goes soon. Loved Patrick, loved Mai, loved Buzz “singing” for her. Just loved. Yay, my show is back! (And for those who missed it, or ahem, SLEPT through it, you can watch it on ABC.com!!)

Don’t forget to enter this week’s ShaQ Attack contest. Details in Monday’s blog post.

Tune in tomorrow for the Boot Night Results!

Tags: Writing //