We’re here in the shallow end of the pool, watching The Bachelor: The Women Tell All. Part 2. Did you miss Part 1? Well, pop on over to my Bachelor Dish at USA Today and catch up already! Then come back and join us!
We’re in the second hour…(yes, they thought we needed two hours of this…) and it’s time for Three Tears for Sister Sarah.
I liked Sarah, well, maybe not the part where her voice is kind of grating and whiney, but I still wish that she didn’t have to watch the highlight reel of her national humiliation again, and I really wish I didn’t, either. So I fast forward through this and get back to Host Chris who passive aggressively leaves her to twist in the wind of awkward silence and squirm on the hot seat while everybody feels awkward and horrible for her. Chris then ever so helpfully points out just how painfully blindsided she was (thanks, guy!) and he drags her back to her most challenging emotional place appearing to be all sympathetic but actually just sitting there and letting her talk herself into a downward spiral. Now that she’s in tears, again, he finally asks her how she moves on, and she says that having gone through it has actually made it easier to deal with the kinds of obstacles she’s dealt with her whole life. Well good on ya, Sarah but hey, sorry, we have no more time for you! So…make her relive all the crap and make her cry and then, okay, great, see ya? What was that?
But no time to dwell on that, let’s move on to Desiree!
Host Chris is all Hey, Des, remember how great things were going with you and Sean and then you went to your hometown and Sean realized your brother might actually have issues with a guy dating his sister and a bunch of other women at the same time on national television and boy he sure hopes Sean wasn’t going to use her then dump her and break her heart and then Sean gets all defensive and that’s totally not who I am, dude, except, well, kinda sorta for now it is, and then whoops, he sends her home the very next night and breaks her heart? You do? Well, come on, whaddya say we watch it all back and relive your pain anyway! Sarah sure seemed to enjoy that!
I fast forward so you don’t have to and we’re all rehash and relive and I’m not listening because I’m trying to figure out why Des is less cute and spunky looking then I realize they’d plastered her bangs off her forehead and it makes her look kind of plain and tired. (And she’s a beautiful girl, so that ain’t easy to pull off.) And if she’s going to be the next Bachelorette (and she totally is, season starts May 20th, did I mention that?) then that’s the last thing she wants to look like. But, oh well.
Chris thankfully and mercifully moves right on past that and asks her what her future looks like and what she wants and she gets to share with us her rosy, optimistic, little engine that could side and we’re all rooting for her and the show has successfully set up their May 20th Bachelorette premiere, so we’re good!
Next! We go from spunky and chipper to angry and vindictive. Yep, it’s AshLee’s turn to tell us off. Well, she’s going to tell Sean off anyway. Now, you can go back and read all the things I had to say about her, about him, about them, but it all boils down to she should never have put herself in a dynamic like this. Her issues are like crazy massive and she was not emotionally stable enough to be led to that point, only to be blindsided and dumped in the middle of her already mentally planning their wedding. She left in utter silence, not given Sean the time to make himself feel better by telling her how hard their breakup was on him, so she did give us that.
Only the show can’t stand the fact that Sean wasn’t allowed to once again make an ass out himself and be blindly cruel to his latest dumpee, so let’s give them one more shot at that, shall we?
Chris doesn’t leave AshLee to twist in the wind like he did Sarah, namely because I know he’s not too sure she wouldn’t gladly twist a knife right into his mid section. She is slightly glassy eyed watching her painful dismissal back but she’s clearly into the anger stage of grieving at this point and doesn’t appreciate the show trying to shove her back to the heartbreak stage. She’s ready to throw down, y’all. And cutting Tierra down to size was just an appetizer. So knock off the small talk silly Chris Harrison, and bring the bastard out and let me start carving him up, will ya?
Chris asks about her silent fuming exit and she says it was really just utter shock and being left literally speechless. And I believe that she believes that. She also says that he told her things like how his eyes were telling her all she needed to know in response to her saying I love you and how he was excited for her to meet his family and how she was going to love his sister…so yeah. She was blindsided. Chris pointblank asks her if she still loves him and she says no. She says that on watching it back, she felt like he was all southern gentleman with her and frat boy with the other girls. Which is actually pretty accurate, except I think that’s why she’s on the couch alone as Sean has said repeatedly that she was more serious and not a cut loose kinda girl. Hard to be a frat boy with that. And oh, frat boy he is. The other girls kind make ‘what the?’ faces, but that’s a little disingenuous. If you watch the show, that’s exactly how he comes across. She says she doesn’t want to know when he changed his mind, but why.
Chris promises she’ll have her turn at him. And then?
It’s time to torture our Bachelor! And after watching a season of this guy, I’m not really having a problem with that plan.
Chris welcomes Sean who immediately proves he knows actually nothing whatsoever about how women think, nor has he learned as yet how to project how his actions might have made other women feel. Because he heartily tells Chris that no, no, I’m not nervous. I’m excited to see all these women as I have nothing but fond memories of them.
Easy for you to say, asshole. You’re engaged to be married and your heart is all light and filled with unicorns and rainbows so it’s easy to think back on your time with anyone else and only remember the parts you liked. Conveniently forgetting that their last memory of you was when you dumped them then spent another ten minutes telling them how hard that was on you.
Shut up, Sean.
He even seems amused by the fact that the women clearly don’t share his “thanks, for the memories!” routine. Like it’s all so endearing or something.
Now I’m hoping AshLee really has slid some kind of shank down the front of her dress. You?
Chris turns the floor over to her, and she asks him what happened, why the change of heart. And Sean does that ridiculous “gosh, our first date was amazing and you’re so special “ and if he says “I was crazy about you” I might stab my television. It’s very rehearsed and doesn’t come from any place where Sean actually gets what he’s saying has the power to hurt someone. There’s not an iota of emotional growth in this guy, and that’s after watching the season back. Now he’s not winging it in the moment and he still sucks.
Chris doesn’t like her being all the way over on the stools so he invites her over and Sean hugs her and says how it’s “so good to see you” and I want her to say the bad words I’m thinking, but no, she sits all ladylike and doesn’t stab him through his tin heart, so points to her. I’d be calling y’all up begging for bail money right about now.
He stumbles around and unintentionally insults her a lot and basically could have made it easier on all of us and definitely on her if he’d just said that while she embodied many of the things he wanted, she was ultimately too serious for him and the laughter wasn’t there in the way he needed it to be. Done. But no…
However! Shockingly, he does actually get past that part and for once, we get some true insight into what goes on in the mind of someone having to choose between several women on national television. When she asks him why he didn’t let her go the instant he knew and why he had all those conversations with her about their future together including those specifics about his family, etc, he explains that he felt exactly the same way as she did when Emily let him go at this very same juncture during their season and he was every bit as blindsided. He, too, wondered why she’d more or less led him on having those talks and it wasn’t until he was in her shoes that he realized that she had to have those talks, as he was having now when it was his turn, because it’s the only way to establish and find out from each there if that future jibes with both people, or words to that effect. Now, for me? That’s explanation enough. It’ s not fun to hear and certainly not fun to live through and he goes on to be spectacularly self involved again as he tells her how painful it all was for him, and, so could he have handled it with a lot more sensitivity then and now? Oh hell yeah. But, bottom line, I get it.
AshLee? Not so much. She reveals that after she left she had an expectation that he’d actually follow up after things had calmed down and the truth had settled in, and check in on her, to make sure she was okay. He says he knew what she was going through, as he went through the same mental gymnastics after Emily dumped him, sitting in his hotel room in Curacao while she was still out frolicking with the remaining two other men. He assures AshLee that it would only have made things worse if he’d contacted her, as he knows now it would have made it harder if Emily had contacted him.
And then…AshLee takes a turn toward the crazy. Well, more strongly into the crazy. She says that it’s different with them as he’s a southern gentleman and he should have been the man and taken care of the women he professed to be falling in love with. A woman wouldn’t go after the man, checking up on him, but the man should check up on her. Now that’s all very old world and very romantic, but in this particular set up, not all that realistic. And we learn just how jacked up Ashlee’s views of relationships really are.
Sean, however, completely and utterly pisses me off with the absolute cop out line of all time. “I knew you were a strong woman and I knew you’d be okay.” Seriously, it’s a miracle I’m not online right now doing price comparisons for a new flat screen.
But no time to ponder that because AshLee actually descends the rest of the way to Crazytown and comes out and says Sean told her, not once, but twice, that he had absolutely no feelings for the other to women. He looks honestly surprised by that, and frankly, we all know that’s not true. Not only that he didn’t have feelings but I can’t imagine even someone as blundering and unintentionally cruel as he often is would say that. No one in his position, at that juncture, would. So…why is she saying this. Does she really believe it’s true? is that what she’s made herself believe?
Sean stays calm as he flatly denies it, but you have to wonder what The Chosen One, back in their hotel room, flipping through copies of Bride magazine is thinking. I mean, she’ll think AshLee is crazy, but still…yikes.
He goes on to say that he understands she’s hurt but that he can’t go back and check on everyone he boots off (which, that is true. No matter how blindsided the women might be the day they go home, they do ultimately know that’s a possibility and even a probability given all but one of them will eventually go home at some point. So, they have fair warning when they sign up.
AshLee is having none of it. She essentially calls him out and says why would she make something like that up? Is he calling her a liar? He denies it and she’s all shrugging shoulders and “Well, I’m not making it up.” And…..::crickets::
Dude. You are so in a no win situation right now. And I can’t say I feel at all sorry for you. After all, this is also the risk you took by signing up.
She then goes on to lamely say she wishes him the best (what the…?) even as she reiterates that he’s a big lying liar, so…Chris? Oh, Chris?
Commercials. And, dear Lord, we still have another half hour? How can that be? It’s the first time I’ve ever wished they had more commercials just so I could fast forward through them.
When we return…well, hmm….this is kind of interesting. We get film of the studio audience chatting away and production folks milling around, working, and we’re clearing getting backstage clippage of what took place during the commercial break. Sean and AshLee are still chatting on the couch, where he’s telling her she must have misunderstood something else because he simply wouldn’t have said it… and she said he absolutely did and they’re kind of laughing in disbelief at each other as each is certain the other is kind of full of it and no one is going to cry uncle first.
So…oooooh, we’re totally spying on them. They think it’s off the air commercial time. Silly them. This is The Bachelor. Where the cameras never stop rolling. And suddenly it’s time to take your seats and AshLee shrugs like “okay, whatevs, lying liar” and goes back to her Hot Stool of Shame and then we’re back live!
Chris really disingenuously says how, gosh, he thought putting them on the same couch would be a good thing and Sean’s all yeah, I didn’t see that coming and….really? I mean, maybe not the accusation, but none of it?
Then Sean goes right back into “it’s all about my feelings” mode by saying how he really wanted to talk to AshLee so he’d stop feeling so badly about ditching her and breaking her heart and all and wow, she so didn’t let him make himself feel better. So that was a bummer.
And then Chris is all, yeah, it’s really hard on you this whole season and we all feel so badly about how hard it was on you. Why don’t you talk a little about how hard it was for you to send Desiree home and make her feel like crap some more?
Yeah Chris, that sounds like fun. The show doesn’t seem to get that it’s kind of hard to feel bad about the guy who ended the whole thing head over heels in love and is planning his wedding. Over the women who are sitting on the Hot Silver Stools of Infamy, single and dumped. We don’t really care that it was hard for Sean. He won in the end. They didn’t. How about some sympathy for how hard it was for them?
So we get to hear Sean insult Desiree by telling her how great and fabulous she is and how crazy he was about her and how someone else was more great and more faulous than her but hey, no hard feelings. And do we have to do this with anyone else? Because I’m kind of at my needlessly insensitive limit with this guy.
Bottom lining it, by the time we’re done, he’s still all “I’ll always remember my time with each of these women so fondly. It was all so great and I love seeing them all again, as I sit here in love with someone else.”
And they’re all “yeah, Sean, we’ll always think of you fondly too, with a certain part of your anatomy tied in a knot.” But you know, everyone takes away their own experiences from these things…
Host Chris wants to end this exercise in pain and humiliation on a high note, y’all! So, it’s blooper reel time!
For me, it’s time to end on a different high note. We had two happening blog babes win books in last week’s giveaway (they’re announced in the USA Today section of this recap) so I think it’s only fair to reward you all for sticking by me through all this and giveaway some more free stuff this week! It’s our last week together in the shallow end of the bachelor pool, so let’s go out with a bang!
For this week’s Very Special Final Rose Giveaway, five (yes, FIVE) ever so happening blog babes will get their choice from ANY book on my website bookshelf. (Again, sorry for the linkage issues. Go here to browse: Donna’s Bookshelf
To enter: send me an email to email@example.com with “Give me your final rose! Only make it a free book!” in the subject line. Then head on over to my website bookshelf (see link up there) and pick out the book you’d like and put hat and our address (or preferred digital format if you’d like.) It’s that simple! Good luck!
Thanks for the company and for leaving me a brownie! Now it’s your turn. DISH!!!