Jealousy! Lies! Deceit! Yes, it’s Week 3 on The Bachelorette. How’dya guess?

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We’ve survived Bachelorette Dodgeball.  Now it’s time to see if one of the bachelor’s can dodge a knee to the man parts.  Or, you know, possible other sharp object jabbed in tender places.  (What?  You missed Part 1 of the recap?  Well, pop on over to my USA Today “Happy Ever After” blog and catch up real quick,then join us back here.  Cuz things about to get real up in here.)

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So, we’ve been waiting to see who has taken Bad Boy and elevated it to that place where Bad actually means Lying Bastard and…..oh Brian.  Yeah.  So Des is informed about what’s happening by Host Chris and pops on over to the mansion for a little chat.  Where she gives him both a shovel and a rope and he uses both as he digs a hole and hangs himself right over it.   Which is right about when his current girlfriend shows up.   I know!  The drama!  The tension!  Will there be blood?

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The men in the house, who were a bit confused by her delaying her one on one date with #Kasey so she could chat privately with Brian out on the lanai, are instantly clued in to what’s really happening as The Girlfriend is strolled straight through the living room by Host Chris on their way outside to The Confrontation.  Hurry, let’s go look out the window, shall we??

So, we get the whole You Done Me Wrong meltdown, which she actually conducted fairly sensibly, all things considered.  Seems as if Brian thought things were over but didn’t bother to, you know, make that particularly clear to his significant other.  Who, did I mention, is a single mother?  With a child who was also close to him?   Yeah.  Which makes Brian a giant ol’ douchebag full of lying bastard.  Exit stage right Brian.

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Back inside the guys are taking it with various degrees of “Oh no he di’in’t.”  Except for, of course, Emo Brandon, who has a total PTSD worthy childhood flashback to when his mom (who I believe he said was an addict who left him to raise his siblings) would bring guys home who he promptly called Daddy, only to have them leave him again.  Which, as a child is completely understandable and has to be beyond devastating.  But as an adult, you’d think Brandon would have put together by now that his mom?  Probably not making the wisest choices in the first place given her particular challenges, which we’ve heard were fairly epic.  Anyway…Brandon?  All of that sucks.  Huge.  But, in this instance, dry the man tears, dude.  This one is not about you.

Back at the One on One Date, #Kasey learns that his fear of heights will be tested as the date is about them dangling off the side of a building doing some kind of acrobatic air dance.  Um. Okay.

Whoosh!  Back at the Mansion, the second Group Date card arrives.  And?  It’s James, Juan Pablo (yay!), Naked Zak, Dan, and Bryden.  My first reaction was…there’s a Dan?

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But before I can ponder Mystery Dan, bink, bam, bloop, we’re back at the dangling building thing again. To Kasey’s credit, he works past his fear of heights and goes for it.  But it’s ultimately exhausting and it’s been a long day so they bag that and head up to the roof for the relaxing part of the date.  Aaaand, not so fast.  The Santa Ana’s come in and try to blow the place down.  Their solution? Jump in the pool!  Only, it’s frigid cold.  She’s in the pool with a towel on her head trying so stay warm, and does Kasey suggest they get out and go inside?  No.  He plops a towel on his head and decides it’s the perfect time to lay one on her .  And another one.  And another.  Of course, she’s buried in thick terrycloth so we have no clue how she feels about this, but my guess?  Not falling over in lust for the guy.  Could be me projecting here.  But DUDE!  Wow on the timing.

Now, on the one hand, the person who gets the “jump off/climb up the tall thing” date on these shows usually goes far because it creates a very unique bond when two people experience such an adrenaline rush together.  But I’m not getting any connection between these two at all. I never did with him.  On the other hand, given the earlier drama of the day, I know Des is feeling badly that the date isn’t going well, and it’s certainly not his fault, but at the same time, you know she knows he’s not The One. Hell, we know he’s not The One and we’re not even there.  So, will she keep him around anyway so he doesn’t think it was an unfair chance for the two of them to bond given the circumstances?  Well, duh!  Of course she does, and it’s the right thing to do.

Group Date 2:  We’re off to the OK Lone Ranger Corral!

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The guys look awesome in their cowboy duds.  And I spend some time enjoying that…

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Also, James, honey?  You can wear that black vest and black hat anytime.  All the time.  Because…dang.  You are one big package of cowboy.  I’m sorry, where was I?  Oh, right.  The guys get schooled by the stunt team from the new Lone Ranger movie and the whole thing was pretty cool.  The guys were into it and they did a pretty great job all around.  But then there was Juan Pablo.  (There should have been that deep announcer voice saying “Then then there was one man.  Juan Pablo.”  You know?  So perfect.)

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He owned the whole stunt routine and got to walk off into the sunset, aka special barn movie set up, with the girl, where they got to see a private advance screening of The Long Ranger (coming to theaters near you on July 3!)  Best part is you know he’s not really a match for Des, but being a girl with a pulse and all, she was understandably perfectly fine with curling up next to that guy for a few hours, all in the hopes it would lead to some sure-to-be-smouldering kisses.  And our JP?  Oh yeah, he didn’t disappoint.  Swoon.  And sigh.

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Then it was on to the Group Date After Party where all the guys are sending lingering looks at the date rose, each hoping he’d be the guy who wouldn’t have to sweat bullets on the upcoming rose ceremony.   Each of the guys we get some camera time with have a good solo moment with her, but in the end…the lucky guy is?  (Yay!) …James.  I don’t know that he has The One tattooed on him anywhere, but on this particular date, at this particular juncture, I completely agreed with her assessment and desire to give him more time.  I do like that she’s very direct in her approach to all this and she does a pretty good job of letting the guys know where they stand.  At least in what we see.  She doesn’t say too much when she knows it’s not the right thing/person, and she’s quick to reassure when it is the right person, or she at least knows she needs more time to find out.  So…good on her.  And good on the guys for coming out and just putting that on the table, as James does this time around.  He seems like such a level headed, fair guy who gives everyone a good chance and treats everyone with respect.  Given the situation at home with his very ill papa, it’s the right thing for him to establish at this point with her.  So…good job, all around!  For once!  (Sorry, Naked Zak, I know you were bummed not to get the rose, but I don’t think you have to worry about things this time around.)   Invisible Dan…yeah, that guy needs to worry.

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A shame too, because he looks pretty sweet and hot.  More Dan, show!

We’re back at the house and it’s pool party time with Des and the guys…I’m guessing this is the “Cocktail Party” pre-rose ceremony shindig?  I dunno.  But the guys are angling, we get more ridiculous drama between the Mad Mikes and Ben, none of which interests me.  I think they’re more worried about Ben when they should be thinking about Des.  I’m also meh on Ben.  He’s striking me more and more as the pretty boy who can be shady and get away with it.  We’ll see, I suppose, as things play out.  Brandon keeps the emo going with Des where he professes to be falling in love and you can kind of see her swallow the “what??” face and keep the smile going, which is to her credit.  A whole bunch of other guys still get no screen time, and I get that the show has to develop some story lines for guys who don’t make it to the end, but in the meantime they need to still at least begin a thread with the ones who do.  Last season we didn’t start to really even see the eventual winner until more than halfway through the season.  And while there was a lot of drama to cover in that season, it’s not as fulfilling a love journey for viewers to watch if we don’t get to simultaneously see that unfold at the same time.  More balance, show.  More balance.

Rose Ceremony Time!  

Kasey, James, and Chris have roses already.  And we know Brian is already out. So, who else is saved for another week?  Bryden, Juan Pablo, Naked Zak, Brooks, Drew, Not Naked Zach, Brad, MG, Mikey….  Oooh, there’s one rose left and Ben is still waiting.  Now, that’s producer manipulation fo sho, for the drama, but, epic fail, show, since we all know he’s not going home.  Not this week anyway.   Which means….aw, poor Emo Brandon.  It was the right thing to do though, given he’d revealed he was getting tangled up and she knew she wasn’t.  And?  Yeah, Invisible Dan, we hardly knew ye.  Actually, we didn’t know you at all.  I’m sure you’re a great guy.   As for Emo Brandon, his exit was as epically tragic (for him) as you’d expect it to be.  Initially Des tried to just hug him, apologize, say she was sorry but he wasn’t the one, only she knows he’s going to go jump off a bridge or something, so she goes after him.  Mistake number 2.  Once he has even a hint of a chance, he goes full bore breakdown.  Now, you know Des did that with Sean, but things had progressed to an actual relationship with them.  Not the case here.  This relationship is all in his head.  He even said to her that they’d barely spoken and yet he was falling in love.  (And all Des heard was “Danger, danger, Will Robinson!”)  I feel bad for the guy, because he’s all sincere in this,but he needs to learn how to get at least a shred of realistic expectation and read and assess situations more clearly and rationally.  Which…won’t be happening here tonight.

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Also, we hear more and more of the guys reflect on Ben’s duplicitous nature, of which we saw very little tonight as there were other more important storylines to develop and wrap up.  So, while I don’t like the guy much either, he seems a bit too smug/smarmy for my liking, I’d at least like more proof, if there is any, about why it is that every last guy in the house–all of whom have demonstrated how great they’re capable of getting along with everyone and keeping things pretty lighthearted–really don’t like this guy.

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Next week?  Wait for it….More Big Drama!  Join me, won’t you?   And if you haven’t already entered this week’s Date Rose Book Giveaway, pop back over to the USA Today recap and check out the last paragraph on how to enter to win your choice of ANY book on my website bookshelf.  And there’s a bunch over there, so check out the cupcakes…and, you know, the man cake!  Then here, there, anywhere…let’s DISH!   Who should go home next?  And, more importantly, who do you see as a true frontrunner?  Brooks?  Bryden?  Ben?  Any of them?  None?   Come sit by me and tell me all!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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