So, in advance of tonight’s Idol Gives Back Extravaganza, the theme last night on Idol was “Inspirational Songs.” Now, this doesn’t necessarily translate to spiritual songs, but songs that motivate or inspire. Will they? Only the next hour will tell.

Michael Johns is up first and, you know, the cravat last week could be written off (if I’m being really generous) to maybe a Warren Beatty flashback. But I can’t explain the knotted silk neck scarf tonight. My grandmother would swoon. If she could wear it. But on that strapping Aussie lad? Ye-ah. I’m not feelin’ it. He chose Dream On by Aerosmith as his inspirational song as he’s come to America to follow his dream. He does his standard Jim Morrison Meets Freddie Mercury job with it, and except for going all falsetto on the final note, does a serviceable job. But what I’m deciding about MJ, is that he’s not distinct. I enjoy him okay. I certainly like to look at him. (Sans scarf. Hide them, MJ’s Roomies, I beg you!) But, having downloaded a handful of the studio tunes from this season, I’ve come to realize that, if I didn’t know he’d sung a specific song on the show, I wouldn’t be able to pick out his voice. Castro? Yes. Cook? Definitely. Even Chikezie (who should still be on this show, dammit.) But MJ, not so much. He’s more Generic Rocker Dude Voice. So…my feelings, they shift. Judges? Randy sort of agrees with me, in a Randy kind of way. Paula sounds sick, still. Simon actually gives him props on the performance, but says he prefers his more bluesy tones than faux-rock star stuff.

Next we get Syesha, who is hopefully the next one to go home since Kristy Lee is apparently made of Kryptonite. Oh, for the love of…. So, last week, she sang the Whitney of all Whitney tunes and got hammered for it. For her inspirational tune? Yeah, Fantasia. I Believe. Sigh. No words. Just once, I’d have liked to see her pick a song she could make her own. Very nice voice, but she just sings other peoples songs well, but never in a memorable way that makes you sit up and go, wow, she’s something unique. She’s good, but, like MJ, she’s not unique. Fantasia, love her or hate her, brought an energy to her songs that made you pay attention. I’ve never once felt compelled to download Syesha’s take on whatever song she’s taken on. Wow, last note? Scary. Back away from the falsetto tonight, y’all. Judges? Randy agrees with me. Smart man. Paula totally doesn’t get Randy and jumps on the “why are you comparing her” train, when, hello? If you don’t make us sit up and pay attention to YOUR take on a song, and all we’re doing is sitting back going, wow, not as good as the original artist? Then you failed. Syesha got upset when they compared her to Whitney last week, wanting to stand on her own. Well, Syesha, make your rendition of someone else’s song memorable, and we will. Just singing it well misses the point entirely. Simon? Says she sang it technically well, (hello!) but didn’t feel the wave of emotion he felt when he heard Fantasia sing it. And so how can he not compare when she didn’t move him like that? I get it. Not sure why she can’t.

Our Lovely Stoner Woodland Creature is singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Not the traditional version, mind you. No….our unique spirit is doing a Hawaiian version that was sung to a ukelele. Not kidding. Even I couldn’t make that up. So, this could be really…interesting. (Ya think?) I will say this, though. Despite not necessarily connecting to Jason’s more folksy vibe, I downloaded his studio version of Fragile and liked it enough to download a few more. He still isn’t my go-to kind of artist, but he does have what a few others in this competition lack, and that’s a unique sound. I guess it must be frustrating being someone like Syesha (and maybe to a degree Carly, and even Brooke as well) in that you either have a distinct voice/style/sound, or you don’t. You might be an awesome singer, but you can’t really manufacture that unique aspect. Charisma can make up some of the distance, but not all. Which is why none of them will win this, and despite being a less-than-stellar performer, someone like Jason could. Not this year, mind you, but he has a greater chance then a number of others do. But, I digress. The uke awaits. And yes, folks, he does play one while he sings. It’s both different and totally Jason. If you like that kind of thing. Not thinking I’ll be downloading this one, but at least he stays true to himself. Props to tackling stuff like this. Judges? Randy says it was hot. Paula slurs…something. Simon Says he took several listens to get into the uke groove, but thought Jason’s take was fantastic. Me? I think they just want to make sure it’s Syesha or Kristy Lee going home this week. But I could stand to look at the perfect skin, great smile, and woodland nymph eyes another week, so I’m all for that. Toke on, dude.

Kristy Lee is next. And after the pandering God Bless the USA, then Dolly Niche Week….lord only knows what she’ll stoop to tonight to stick around. At least she’s being cagey–er, competitive. She’s singing Anyway by Martina McBride. She does an okay job with this, but I don’t see her as the next Carrie U. Wow, and she gets a whole gospel choir. Hunh. What’s up with that? Judges? Randy says it was good for her. Paula tries to remain upright in her chair. Simon Says she chose well to show who she was as an artist and that it was a smart choice. I agree. Now send her home, America.

Yay! So You Think You Can Dance is back next month! Woot!

We come back from commercial break to find some straggly haired dude sitting in Simon’s lap. (I don’t make this up, I swear.) And we’re told he’s the big cheese behind American Idol. (I thought that was Nigel?) Simon calls him the Dark Lord of AI and tells us he’s Michael Darnell. Never heard that name. He looks rather Hobbit like. The whole segment is rather odd.

Yay, it’s Cook Time. I think the new hairstyle is an improvement. As much as hair can improve him in any way. Now this guy has a totally distinct voice. I’ve downloaded a bunch. Don’t love them all, but there’s no denying who’s singing when they come through the shuffle rotation. I hope tonight adds to my playlist. He’s singing Innocent by Our Lady Peace, which I don’t think I know. I hope I do after tonight. Okay…so, right off, I’m worried. Not because he’s not doing a nice Cook-ly job with this alt tune, but that it’s so arcane a selection as to put off the viewers who won’t connect with something they’ve never heard. Dangerous territory, my friend. Even with the coming down to sing from the judges stage, I’m a bit eh this week myself, for the same reason. If you’re going to pick something relatively unknown, then it had best be something that resonates, and this is a bit too alt for that. Though he gets the back up chorus, too. I guess it’s the whole inspirational theme thing. Judges? Randy agrees. Paula says he’s whole package, but who doesn’t she love? Simon thinks it’s a bit pompous. See? Never come down and sing on Simon’s stage.

Carly is singing The Show Must Go On by Queen. I’m not sure I care anymore. She’s a great singer, don’t get me wrong, but I totally don’t connect with her. She doesn’t move me in the slightest, even when she’s just belting it out beautifully. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because it always sounds a tad desperate to me, I don’t know. At least she’s not wearing her great aunt’s blouse again. The outfit is one step closer to something current. And she’s definitely giving it her all, I’ll give her that. In a shrieky kind of way. Judges? Randy says a bit pitchy, and just okay. Paula stumbles her way through. Simon Says she looks good, but he thought it was an unusual choice and she oversang it. Agreed.

Who’s next? Why, it’s Little Archie. If there was ever a week tailor made for Message Song Boy, it’s this one. I’m almost afraid to hear what he’s chosen. Will he be surrounded by starving children and abandoned puppies while he sings? I think he always is in his mind. And he chooses a song called Angels. Yes, I continue to not be making this up. Cue the puppies… It’s David and the Baby Grand, and….yeah. Judges? Randy loved it. Paula, we already know. Simon? Best song choice of the night, but he didn’t think it was his best performance. Still, he predicts he will sail through, and…no duh.

Brooke gets the pimp spot and threatens us with Carole King. Why, of course she is. I should love her, too, right? And yet…. So, here we go with You’ve Got A Friend. What is she wearing? My eyes! But, to absolutely no one’s surprise, she sings this song beautlfully well, because it was totally made for her. And I was bored out of my ever-loving mind. Judges? Randy said it wasn’t her best. Paula says it’s a perfect close. Simon Says it was a pleasant walk in the park. Original? No. Pleasant? Yes. And he mercifully leaves it at that, so Brooke doesn’t try to talk back to him.

So…I’m feeling all Eeyore, but I wasn’t alll that inspired given the theme. All well sung songs, and yet, ironically, not moving me at all this week. I was more moved by Dolly Week. I’m not sure what that says about me, or that I want to know, but there you have it. Going home? I don’t really know. I’d hazard to say Syesha and Kristy Lee, but then don’t we always?

There was also Dancing Stars to send home. Sheryl Sings (best performance ever on this show, which might not be saying much, except she’s all kinds of awesome and so it is all that and ten times more), Samantha Stumbles, and Tom makes me laugh. So does Marlee. Then 8 year olds are ridiculously double jointed. In the end, in what isn’t a shocker, it’s Our Adam who takes his leave of us. Presumably his unicycle did, too. So far this season, they’re actually sending home the right people in pretty much the right order. Go figure! Except, he was funny. In a perverse, I hate myself for laughing kind of way. But still. So, now…I guess it’s all on Priscilla. Make me laugh, Lisa Marie’s Mom!

Tomorrow? We get Idol’s We Are The World Fest, so we don’t lose a singer until Thursday, because you can’t really have a show that is all about giving from the bottom of your heart to save those who are less fortunate, then end the night by crushing someone’s dream. Just doesn’t seem right. So….we’ll crush them a day later. Perfectly sane.

Aaaaaaaaand? Dish!

Tags: Writing //