So, five minutes into the results show on American Idol and all I’m wondering is what happened to Paula’s Christmas pageant parade float? Clearly she’s somehow fallen off of it.

You know the opening song is a snoozefest when you only look up from the keyboard when Archie sings. You know, producers, Mariah did have number one dance tune hits Just sayin. It wouldn’t kill y’all to up the fun level to, well, fun.

Wow, I just hit some combination of keys that killed my entire post. Which I’d saved just a minute ago. There’s an hour of my life I won’t get back. Which is kind of how I felt about the results show tonight. And, come to think of it, the singing show the night before. Suffice it to say that I hate Lythgoe and his stupid group 1 and group2 theatrics. In the end, the safe group is Cook, Castro, Carly n’ Archie. Meaning Syesha, Brooke, and Kristy Lee are bottom three and the world is once again back on its axis.

Leaving tonight? Not Syesha. Better be Kristy Lee with the mouth. And? FINALLY!!! Kristy Lee’s evil plan comes to an end.

Andrew Lloyd Weber next week. Wow, show tunes. With Syesha and Carly. An all new level of hell. Yay, us.

Top Chef….because we haven’t had enough assy behavior, apparently. We start right off with Spike saying he’s hearing from the others that he should have gone home over Zoi, which he chooses to interpret as he’s too big a threat to him with his madd cheff skillzzz. You keep believing that, shack hat boy. Then we have to listen to Lisa and her issues with Dale, because listening to her whine is apparently okay, but Dale ranting is out of line. And, oh the irony of her saying “If you have an issue with me,then just tell me” but when he does exactly that, in about as nice a way as you can tell someone they suck, she gets all “how dare he tell me I suck! He can go….” Well, I imagine you can fill in that blank. Not that Dale has a point, and you’re busy wasting no time making it.

Is it wrong of me to want them all to go and we can just watch Antonia, Stephanie and Ryan compete. Not because they’re the strongest chefs, but because they’ll just shut up and cook. Cooking, by anyone, would be very welcome right now. On this show about cooking.

Quickfire Challenge looks to be all about beer. Which, hey, lets give them alcohol! Yeah. They have to create a dish that goes well with the beer of their choice. Richard starts gasbagging and I honestly just tune him and all of his molecular structure out. Wow, for being a beer and simple pleasures test, the guest judge, whose name I didn’t catch, could go sour face to sour face with Lisa. How perky and fun was she? More beer, Padma?

And to the shock of no one, when she pulls her bottom three out, she goes on…and on….about what she didn’t like. Dang, I bet you’re a blast to go drinking with! (And yay, Lisa, way to be a pro, smirking at Dale’s bottom three showing. And Jen, nice that you’re trying to win one for the ousted gf, but also, way to be a pro when Spike ends up in the bottom three.) Wow, we went from a solid cooking season to Real World:Top Chef in like one week. Jen wins, and Lisa isn’t in the top three. It’s an okay balance for me.

The Elimination Challenge is all about cooking tailgate at a Bears game. Everyone cooks for themselves, no teams. Finally! Everyone seems to love almost all of the food. Nice for a change. Antonia, Stephanie and Dale were top three. Dale wins. He’s a Chicago boy, so it was nice for him. And, more karmic balance. Huh, Lisa. In the bottom are Mark, Nikki and Ryan. All understandable. The guest judge, also unknown to me, looked like he played the football game. Without a helmet. So, they deliberate and I think it should be Nikki, or, past that, Mark. Ryan was off in his choice of food, but the other two were far more a trainwreck. Who has to pack their knives? It’s Ryan. Wow, I don’t get that at all. Not comparatively, anyway. Other than he needs to stop talking. But still. Dang. And we lose a little man candy, too. Such a shame. One thing I noted, was that the group didn’t seem to be as choked up over his leaving. Perhaps he’d worn them out, too. Or they’re all just hitting killer fatigue. Who knows.

Next week? Dessert week. Because these guys are all chefs, not pastry chefs. So that makes perfect sense. Sure. Followed by…stand up comedy? Ooookay. But at least it looks lighthearted and fun. Which beats the real world crap hands down. I’m in!

You have one last day to vote for this week’s SHaQ Attack contest, until 8pm EST this evening. So far, the ladies haven’t fared so well this week in reality land. Will the trend continue on Survivor tonight? We shall see!

Tags: Writing //