Finally, fun comes back to reality television. With last night’s episode of Survivor starting with the remaining tribe members questioning Jason on the fake immunity idol. And Jason? Just because Eliza played it and not you? Yeah, doesn’t make you look any more the rocket scientist. Neither does beating Ozzy in one immunity challenge (about which you can shut up at any time.) The fact that you fell for a carved stick? Yeah. I laughed and laughed. Oh, and take that buff off your head. You look like the eighth dwarf. Dorky.

We get right to the first challenge. Two teams of four this time. Winning team flies to a local tribe for a feast and night of luxury. Well, that last part might be relative, but still, cool. I love the tribal rewards. Oh yeah, we have two teams of four but nine people left. The person not chosen? No chance at reward, straight to exile island. Wow, talk about your schoolyard pick nightmare scenarios. Immediately you know the young shiny people will take this and yep, it’s Cirie going to exile. Man, I wish the idol was still out there and she got it. Young shiny people.

So, we have two teams: James/Parvati/Alexis/Natalie and Jason/Ozzy/Amanda/Erik. I give the edge to Jason’s team, because James and water do not mix. Although there really isn’t much swimming, and he usually rocks the puzzles, so who knows. It was close and either team could have had it, but in the end, it’s Jason’s team for reward. A shame Cirie isn’t left back at camp to work her devious wiles. Dammit.

I love that the emissary of Yap, sent to escort the surivors, learned enough English to introduce himself. They go through this lovely glade to the village and it’s all very Ewok Adventure. I want to go to Yap! Then the goofy music starts as the locals pass out the wacky juice in coconuts and we get a lot of digitally blurred naked breasts on tribal women of all age ranges. I’m guessing they weren’t so blurry in person, but with the wacky juice, hard to say. Erik is forced to admit that he’s eating and looking at more boobs than he’s ever seen in his whole life. I love Erik right now. For some reason, he’s the narrator of this entire segment. Possibly because he’s the only one sober enough to be coherent? Not sure. But more likely it’s because he’s so wide-eyed about it all (as I would be) it’s delightful. Ozzy comments on this as well, and I heart him, too. (And as it turns out, it wasn’t because Erik was the sober one. But he’s a cute stoner.)

See, Nigel? Reality television and = fun. Just sayin.

Then we go to Exile, where poor Cirie is having to go through a ridiculously harsh storm all by herself. (Is she the first one to do Exile alone this season?) It’s not her first time there this season, but that looks about as sucky as it gets. Not to mention scary. At least, as opposed to her first season on the show, she can make fire now, even if the storm did kill it. Now that’s a long ass night, and with nothing to gain, damn. But it does give her plenty of time to consider that the biggest threat in the merged tribe is Ozzy. Maybe you shouldn’t always pick according to strength, young shiny people.

Back at Loser Camp, they aren’t enjoying the torrential rains, either. And James is about all done playing servant in the downpour to a bunch of lazy ass shiny people. Parvati’s lucky he didn’t just send the axe he was sharpening in her general direction. I might have.

The reward group comes back and Ozzy goes on waaaaaaay too long about the amazing food. I think he’s a pretty good social player, so I’m not sure of the strategy there, but boy was not reading the room. Not so happy shiny people Ozzy, and they don’t want to hear the details of your damn feast. If it was Erik just being all naive and shiny telling them about his grand Ewok adventure, I’d forgive a lot more. Not so much with Ozzy.

I love how Jason views himself as the ultimate threat. He knows he’s the one going out if he doesn’t win immunity. Way to be self important there, Dorky. You don’t give these folks enough credit on canabalizing their own, which is why you won’t win, and someone like Erik actually would stand a chance. He’s thinking ahead, you’re just thinking about how awesome you are.

Immunity Challenge: it comes down to Parvati and Jason in an endurance challenge that goes on for over 6 hours. Yikes. Finally Jeff tempts the remaining two with a platter full of food, saying if they get down, they can share it with the others. It’s clear that Jason was at least right about the fact that no one on the tribe likes him. At all. Wow. So he demands a guarantee that he won’t be the one going home if he bails and takes one for the team. And it actually takes them a few minutes to decide. Maybe not so much self important, as universally loathed. Cirie and Amanda cross fingers when they give him their guarantee. Like that makes it any less of a bold faced lie, but whatever. And he’s all smug/smirky while he “thinks about it” and I begin to see why he’s loathed. Self important little twerp. But I’ll give him this, he’s definitely a challenge threat. Dude looks like he could stay there all night. In the rain. I hope, however, that the tribe is also noticing that this isn’t exactly wearing down Parvati yet, either. Six hours. In the rain. Just sayin.

Parvati tries to sway him by telling him he’d score points and make friends. I’m sure he realizes the friendship points will only last as long as the food. In the end, he takes the big risk. And I have no idea if it’s going to pay. I hope he enjoyed the pizza. And yep, they’re all not back in camp for two seconds and rolling their eyes and wondering what in the hell he was thinking to trust them. He’s totally going home. Which, on the one hand, ha ha, Jason, ha ha. On the other hand, I actually feel a teeny tiny bit sorry for him, sitting over there, all by himself, still all alone in this game. I’m sure I’ll get completely over that any time now. And Ozzy has a total point - Jason was poised to take the second immunity in a row, and he could easily keep on with that, so it’s kind of now or possibly never. Which, yes. And still…..damn, that’s pretty cold.

Cirie decides this is a perfect time to blindside Ozzy and get rid of the idol (told you guys not to leave her alone, cold, wet and miserable.) And James senses something’s not right, and even Ozzy admits it would be the perfect time to execute a blindside, but then goes on to say he has faith in his alliance. Now who’s being the fool? Hopefully he does tote the idol along. You can always find it again if they put it back out there, Oz Man.

Tribal Council: Jason does explain a bit more about why he went for the deal, and it makes sense. He knows he’s gone if he doesn’t win every time, and he probably won’t, so he decided to see if taking a different tack would work. It won’t, Jason, but nice try. I hope they all feel worse voting for you. But seriously, take that doorag on your head. Love how Cirie deals with Jeff. Ha.

Time to vote. I think Jason is going. Ozzy’s either going to play the idol, or the folks realize he’s on to them and just vote Jason rather than risk the wrath of Oz if he uses it and stays.

So, wow, Ozzy doesn’t use it. Jason smiles, which means nothing really. But so does Cirie. Hmmmmm. And slowly, the knife turns, and WOW, in a five-four vote…it’s Ozzy going home. Now in a season of blindsides? THAT was the best blindside ever. I mean, I love the guy, but in terms of pure gameplay? Rock on, Cirie! Take that, shiny happy young people. HA! James, Amanda and Erik are like WTF? And Eliza is just losing her total shit in the jury box. Damn. Ozzy? Not a happy camper. I’m thinking Cirie won’t be getting his vote for the money, nor will Parvati. But hey, it’s the risk you take. As was not playing that idol, Oz man. Damn.

And now that Parvati turned her on alliance, Amanda will have to run to the Girl Power team if she wants to survive, and James and Erik might be forced to team up with Jason the Smug. Enjoying that doughnut a bit more now, Dorky? I bet you are.

Ozzy’s exit? Well, he admitted it was stupid to get complacent and too trusting, but then he made it very clear that when he finds out who voted against him from his alliance? Yeah, not getting Ozzy’s vote, I don’t think. Bitter, party of one! I guess it was okay and outwit/outlast/outplay to lie straight to Jason’s face then vote him out, that’s on Jason. But your alliance turning on you, that’s different. Ooookay.

Man, I love this game. Episode rating? A+ That is how you play Survivor.

Next week? Parvati is scrambling. James is borderline homicidal. Which is never a good thing with a gravedigger. And Girl Power unites. Um…do you think they’re aware that when they get it to be all girls, they will have to vote each other out? Just askin.

Now on to this week’s SHaQ Attack contest! A lot of you voted guy for Survivor, but I’m betting you weren’t thinking it’d be Ozzy. And it was girl’s week on both Dancing and Idol. A lot of you got all three right and have three chances at being drawn for the prize. No one got it all wrong, although there were a few close calls! So no Booby Prize this week! And the winning blog babe is? Drum roll……….Judy F from Ohio! Woo hoo, Judy!! You voted twice and got them both right. You win this week’s free book. Just let me know which one you want (send me a few titles in case I’m out of your first choice) and I’ll get your book out with the next batch!

I hope everyone has a pretty spring weekend. I am heading up to a ribbon factory today so I can see how they make ribbon. How cool is that? Even cooler, then I get to go over to the outlet side of things and buy all the ribbon I can carry for pennies. I use a lot of fibers in the art/crafts I teach, so this is going to be a fun day for me!

Tune in on Monday, where we’ll have some Men in Trees and Big Give Finale MAC.

Wow. Now if that tribal council doesn’t call for some dishin’ I don’t know what does. What did you think??

Tags: Writing //