OMG, best Survivor line EVER. So good, I had to come blog this tonight, despite the suitcase that still remains unpacked.

Okay, rewind. So, first, we get James and Amanda, with Amanda boo-hoo-ing because the girls didn’t include her in their plan, didn’t think she was play-ah enough to take the deal and not rat to Ozzy. Which, they were SO right about that, but whatever. James? He thinks it’s hysterical, because he admires good gameplay, so he’s all over this just out of sheer respect. However, do not mistake his respect for good gameplay with any respect he might still have for Parvat. The apple eater. (Anyone who saw James’ last season knows about his parable where the apple is sin and people just can’t resist it, rather than be honorable.) So, he’s SO done with Parvati, but he’s really just amused by it, because he saw this in her from day one. Second best line? Parvati begs him to believe she’s not trying to suck up, just apologizing for not keeping him in the loop. She says she doesn’t want it to be awkward, to which James (who has seemed all fine with her batting eyelash apology) to say, “Ohhh, it’s gonna be awkward.” HA! And when she goes on to say, far more humbly, “Well, I just wanted to talk to you.” He’s all “Yep. You talked.” HA squared.

But what I’m loving more than anything else, is that everyone, to a man/woman, gets that this is all gameplay. So there’s no Pouty McBitch faces going on. Well, except Jason, who, at the Reward Food Auction, begs Natalie - who has a “Send someone to Exile and take their money” card, not to play it on him. Natalie confirms with Probst that there is a new idol out on Exile, and he says yes, so she turns to Jason and is all “I don’t know why you’re upset, you have a shot at another idol” to which Probst adds….wait for it…..

“Yeah, Jason. Maybe this time you’ll find a real one.”

Oh, hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaa. HA! God, that was so good, I almost needed a cigarette and I’ve never smoked in my life.

Back to the auction….Natalie immediately puts Jason’s money to good use and gets a big, honkin’ chocolate cake, which comes with a note saying she can share it with three people, all you can eat, 60 seconds. Now, we’ve gotten a combined, oh, maybe sixty seconds of airtime with Natalie and Alexis, so we can be pardoned if this is the first time we discover that apparently she’s a hipster back home, with her own skate park or something. We get “trippin’” and “aggro” in the only two sentences we’ve ever heard her utter. So…chillax and eat cake, mo fums.

She picks the three women who aren’t Amanda, thus creating tribal lines carved deep. In chocolate cake. And thems serious boundaries in a game where people are starving, yo. And then Erik pays Cirie 40 bucks to lick her fingers and he’s all making sex noises, which might have been strangely erotic from the ice cream man, except the noises were all for the chocolate. Which, then is just disturbing. James cannot believe what he’s witnessing. James = no fun.

As usual, we don’t see the whole auction, as is proven by the fact that James is eating something noodly when the segment ends. I’m glad to think everyone got something. Except Jason, of course.

Back at camp, Nat claims she was looking for signs of someone who wanted their shot at idol hunting, but said she got nothing, and didn’t want to deprive anyone of the chance for munchies. Which, understood. But now they’re all freaking out that the only remaining challenge monster (because no one still seems to realize that Parvati kicks ass in all of them) might end up the idol holder. And, unlike the challenge monster they unloaded last week, Jason has no love from these people. Yeah, well, hope the cake was delish.

And wow, not only does Natalie have some street in her, she’s all throwing around the bitch word in a kinda nasty way (which, it’s about Jason, but still…) Wow, what a potty mouth. (Does she know Lisa from Top Chef? Because she’d totally be dropping f bombs right now if this was cable, and y’all know it.) Maybe that’s why she’s gotten no airtime.

So…out at Exile. Jason goes on the idol hunt. Which, if I recall, he did find where the idol should have been hidden last time by following clues, he just found the fake one instead and then was an idiot. But he did find the hiding spot. And, from what they’re showing here, he’s off on another jaunt to find this one, too. Of course, does it rain and storm like hell has opened its doors? Like it did on Cirie? Of course not. Gorgeous sunny days. You do get the chance to see how pretty this place is and how clear the water. Oh….and Jason is also delusional in that he thinks Nat sent him hoping he’d find it, and they could team up, that it was totally strategic and he is now in a winning alliance. Wow, all that from sending him to exile. Well, stranger things have happened, but I’m not thinking that was her game plan….. At the time. But then…..he does find it, so we’ll see.

So, props to Natalie for figuring out she can play Jason, but…can they pull off a complex blindside twice in a row? Guess we’ll find out.

It’s Immunity Challenge Day and it’s Erik’s 22nd birthday. Black Widow Natalie tells us becaus of this, they are kindly sparing him the axe. Awww, the heart, the mercy, the humanity. I feel like I need a shower. She gets Jason aside long enough before the contest begins to tell him they’re sending James home that night and that she’ll explain everything later, but that she sent him for a reason, and he’s all “I knew that!” Now, they don’t want James to get immunity since he’s back up to Jason going home, which means they don’t want him getting it either. Wow, so many things can go wrong now. I’m just no longer certain what wrong is. But I’m sure they’ll show me shortly.

It’s a three part challenge - part one ends up with James, Jason, Erik, and Amanda moving on to part two. Two of the four left are the ones they don’t want winning, except they are…well, winning. So far. James is playing like he knows his life is at stake, he rocks the puzzle, because he’s always been good at those (doesn’t anybody notice this?) Erik is moving. Amanda can’t get past the first stage of part two. Jason is struggling. (He can hunt all over god’s creation and find an idol in a crevice, but he can’t unlock a lock with a key….) So it’s James and Erik to the end. Well, at least Jason is ripe for the picking. Except for that Idol he found, and all….

Do you get the feeling Erik is still playing for Ozzy? I do. So they’re both struggling, but that means more time getting to see wet James in black spandex, so they can just take as loooooong as they want. It was damn close, but Erik got it in the end. Happy Birthday, E!

So…the table is set. Will the poison be played? If it’s up to self-proclaimed ruthless, stone cold bitch Natalie, the answer is hell, yes. With a smile, and a knife in the back if only I had one. Maybe I can make one! Wow, she was just one cackle short of maniacal despot there.

But never underestimate the underdogs, y’all. You know, in her last game, Amanda was a good conniver. She hasn’t had to be this time around, because Oz was handling that. And what he wasn’t Cirie was. So she’s kind of rusty. Or just has island fatigue, going from one game to the next, so she tells James he’s the second choice to go, but can’t figure out how to beat the Black Widow Brigade. James? Not a problem. If Jason writes my name, I’m writing Parvati’s (hey, if they don’t want to keep him in the loop, well, duh!) So he asks Amanda to do the same. Now, Jason plays the idol, Parv goes home. And I am SO down with that plan! HA! Man this is a good season - everyone is seriously playing the hell out of this game. Well done, casting dude. Well done.

James is sure Jason will play the idol. Which, coming from James, kinda funny, but also, who would know better? I mean, he didn’t and Ozzy didn’t, so yeah, you’d think Jason wouldn’t take chances. But then, he fell for a carved stick, folks….

Wow, so do you think Natalie realized she’d be getting no camera time so suddenly decides to go all Lizzie Borden on our asses? Because, yikes just a little bit.

Tribal Council, where Ozzy gives them all the death stare and Cirie’s all kinda “wow, he’s still pissed.” Which he proves by flipping them the bird over his shoulder. Wow, so it’s okay to boot other people, Oz, and it’s just game play, but you get outwitted and outplayed and it’s all kinds of sore loser hate going on. Yeah, respect going down a notch there, my tree climbing forest creature.

Jeff puts James in the spotlight as the next target (thanks, Probst) so James just totally owns it and throws Parvati waaaaaay under the Ozzy bus, outing her as the one who turned on him. Well played, James. If you’re going? Take as many people with you as you can. Probst takes on Jason, who blathers around about having a new place in the tribe, but who knows….then he kindly picks Natalie who is more than happy to back up the notion that your fortunes can change that quickly. And it’s like, no one has their poker face on. Wow, they must really think he’s that stupid. Of course….

Jeff asks for the immunity idol to be played….aaaaaaaaand, nope. Causing James to do a downright comical double-take. I think we can safely say now that he’s no longer in the dumbest of dumb category, just the charter member in the rapidly growing club of dumb. It’s a little closer vote than we’d have liked, but in the end Jason goes home.

Eliza is enjoying the jury, but Ozzy is too busy with the puss face to care. Really. Get over it, Tree Boy.

And James apparently cut his finger and has this huge bandage on it, and is told to see medical on his way out of tribal. Please, can we not have yet another medical evac? I don’t want to see James go. For me? Right now, if I could pick any players to be in my personal final four, purely - purely - for entertainment value, I’d want Cirie, James, Erik, and would have to be Amanda (only because Nat and Alexis, no, and Parvati, hell no.)

But we’ll see how it plays out.

Next week? More about James finger, none of it good. And? It’s family reunion week. I always love them! Yay, civilians!

Okay…I am off for a weekend of fun and rejuvenation with my writer pals, but first - mega booksigning! Hope to see some blog babes there! Woo hoo!! I’ll be back Monday with another SHaQ Attack contest and more MAC to follow. Things are starting to get interesting on our little shows….

DISH! You know you wanna!!!

Tags: Writing //