Okay, Maroon 5 music? I could take or leave. But Adam Levine? Creeps me right the hell out. Somewhere at the Hitchcock Psycho Shower Scene Level. I can’t watch him sing, I can’t listen to him sing when I know I can watch him. I just had to skip past that entire nightmare inducing segment. And even then, I know as soon as I close my eyes tonight, some kind of Norman Bates singing pop tune torture is just waiting to get me. Thanks, show.

Plus, whoever choreographed those pour, exhausted finalists in that opening number? Should have to put on those shiny matador pants and do that horrifying Ford commerical all by themselves. In front of millions of people. And their mother. Because wow, what the hell were either of those segments thinking? From the quickstepping to every freaking beat of the intro song to the most ill-advised commericial costuming ever. Other than watching Castro basically laughing himself silly throughout the entire theme park performance–both of them–the only moment of note for me was the split second of time when the stage backdrop parted and for a brief, shining moment I thought it was Rock Reunion Time! Wow, Steely Dan??? But no….just a guitar player from the band. A good one, but whatever the hell was that about? So the exhausted singers could do laps and climb scaffolding because why again?

Then we immediately part the Davids from the Chaff…and Ryan acts like he’s going to just announce who goes, fifteen minutes into the show and Castro is all “You’re going to tell us right now?” Oh, Jason.

Parts I loved? My last moments with our very special woodland creature. Boy entertains me to no end. Sometimes it’s even intentional. Loved his cracking up over someone saying his performances last night were essentially “I Shot the Tambourine Man.” Ha. Also loved his very straight answer to why he went brain dead. He doesn’t try and pretend he’s got it going on, you know? Which is just the kind of goofy endearing stuff I’m going to miss. He just says his inexperience is showing, that even when he tried to master two songs he already knew, he screwed up. This child knew he was in waaaaaaay over his head and was soooooo ready to go. But I’m going to miss him.

And do they not screen the damn callers in the equally horrifying Q & A segment? Because Pittsburgh Girl, very seriously asking David Cook to take her on a date for her birthday? On national television? Can we all say aWK-waaaaard? Because, honestly, what was he supposed to do? Yes, sweetheart, I love you. I’ll pick you up at 7. Wear something slutty.

I don’t think they missed a single chance to continue the Jason bash. I was surprised in the pimpmercial after seeing him waving a red cape that it wasn’t a bus coming straight at him. Then there was the recap showing him flub the lines, and Ryan saying “You sang most of Mr Tambourine Man…” and his video package, while endearing in parts, was also rougher than most. Although I loved every minute of it. “A cat sings this? Who knew?” Thank god the kid has a good sense of humor about himself.

And after all that, can you blame him for literally beaming in relief when they announced he was finally free to return to the forest and frolic with all his furry nature friends? At least until it’s time for the tour.

I’ve never seen a more relieved contestant in my life. It was like ten years of stress just fell right off of him. And when Ryan asks him if he’s relieved to go, he’s all “Dude, next week we had to do three songs, are you freaking kidding me? THANK, BOB I’m outta here!!” Then he sang out that Marley tune like it was his birthday and Christmas all rolled into one all the while kind of shoving it in the producers faces with each happily sung note. I hated that they cut him off as there was still time left in the production. Wow, way to be the big guy, Nigel. Besides, I wanted to enjoy him enjoying his final moments until they were all completely and totally done. But why should I be surprised they didn’t even give him that. I was like, Mission Accomplished, Nigel, sheesh! You got rid of him. Now let the boy sing.

So now we have our Top 3. Next week they go to their hometowns. Archie’s is in Utah. Who was surprised? Show of hands? Yeah, me either. As to who should win? I still stand by my earlier decision. Cook and Miss Thang have careers all ready to begin. Seriously, let Archie win, America. I double dare you.

What did you think? Who do you want to see win? Sure, Cook deserves it, but do you really want to see him forced to put out an Idol produced album? Yikes. Archie, on the other hand, would be SO honored! He would LOVE to record craptastic Idol tunes that no radio station who hasn’t signed a deal with the devil would ever play. Or he’d love that his daddy would LOVE for him to. Either way, there’s more joy to be had by an Archie win-win than any other scenario. Just sayin.

Don’t forget, one more show left to vote on to get your chance at a prize in this week’s contest. See Monday’s post for details.

Tags: Writing //