So, Ryan Crankypants is looking tailored again this evening. I’m digging the pink shirt. No, really. Looks good matched with the dark suit and baby blue tie.

So, AI responds to all the complaints that people can’t get through to vote by giving each contestant two phone lines for people to call tonight. Boy am I glad I don’t have a number anywhere close to one of these!

World reknowned classical artist,Andrea Bocelli, and 14 time Grammy winning music producer David Foster work with the Idol wannabes to help them find their inner balladeer. Okay, David Foster comes out right off as the official bad ass of all music and this man does not want his time wasted. I’m not so sure putting him with an American Idol production was a great idea. Sure, it can’t hurt to hear straight up just how badly you’re going to suck in the real world by someone who absolutely knows whereof he speaks, but the man doesn’t seem to have any sense of fun, or the camp that makes this show what it is. Lighten up, DAVE!

That said if the contestants had ANY airs whatsoever about being an insta-star, they were certainly brought right back down to the terra firma within seconds of meeting this guy. Maybe a few feet under the terra firma. Bocelli’s voice is intimidating as hell, and he gets all mystical about greatness and who might claim it…but Foster is like your worst nightmare high school teacher and he’s gunning to expel your ass.

First up, Kat who, to my mind, foolishly goes with a Whitney Houston standard, I Have Nothing. Foster has worked with and written for Houston — including writing THIS SONG — and while Kat is a good singer, Whitney sort of inhabits a planet all her own. And she’s an amazing one-of-a-kind singer, too. (Yeah, I know, but it was too easy. Forgive me.) Still Whitney, Celine, Xtina…these are the people you do not want to get up there and play around with when it’s down to five heads on the chopping block.

But I could be wrong. Let’s find out what David thinks… Okay, so he thinks she has a great voice and a great future and she ends up doing an impromptu duet with Andrea, who loves her. All of which makes me officially wrong. But, to be honest, I wasn’t liking how it sounded. That’s just me. But then, it’s my blog. We’ll see how it sounds live….

Wearing a yellow gown and hair all waterfall curly…the song sounds, well, like Kat trying to do Whitney. It’s not blowing me away. She has a good voice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s…..well, it’s Kat. I thought she was far more spectacular last week. This one is too shouty and growly for me. No goose bumpy moments. (And this might totally be me, but while I think it’s sweet her dad cries when she sings, week in and week out, it’s kind of creeping me out. Just me, again? Okay.)

Judges? Randy totally agrees with me for the exact same reasons I had. I’m feeling slightly mollified now. Paula…compliments her dress, then tells her not to oversing, which is exactly what she was doing with all the growly shouting, so Paula is once again lucid in the early goings on…I’m expecting Simon to jump all over her…and he doesn’t let me down. Will be interesting to see how this plays out as the evening progresses, but being first up and getting royally panned…and deservedly so…might not bode well for Short Attention Span Voters.

Wow, and Ryan gives her, what I think, anyway, was an unintended slam. He says something to the affect that anyone with their sound turned off would be voting for her (because she’s rocking the dress — about which, sorry, I’m not a fan. Not all that flattering to her figure, that color, or what looks like VPL.) I’m hoping he meant the whole “sound turned off” was to keep from hearing the judges negative comments…and not from hearing her sing. Ouch, Ry Ry! Maybe he needs to go back to the jeans, blazer, and funky t-shirts. Suits make him Mr Uptight Crankypants.

Next up? Eliot. Rocking a nice pin striped suit with a handsome blue tie - except it’s huge and needs to be knotted more neatly. I don’t care if he’s making a tie statement. It doesn’t look good. But he does. Hair is good, beard’s looking good… But the tie….no. Let Ryan pick your tie next time. He rocks the tie thing.

So…Eliot is singing a Donny Hathaway standard, A Song For You. On the surface, a great choice. And he’s close to this music and this song, as it was the first song he sang to get into American Idol. He’s a big fan of the music, and one of Hathaway’s daughters is one of his back up singers. No pressure, indeed.

Let’s see what David and Andrea have to say… David cautions that singing a song made popular by such a stylized singer as Donny is dangerous. (And yet he applauded Kat doing Whitney? What, because you wrote the song, Dave? Come on! Millions more people know Whitney than Donny…and you give Eliot grief?) So David just jerks his chain right and left the entire time until Eliot is thoroughly confused on what David is trying to do with the song. And I do appreciate that he’s trying to boost Eliot up to a more superstar level of performance, but you can’t change up too much without risking just screwing them up entirely. In the end, to the camera, David praises him. I hope he told Eliot that, too - since he’s known to get a bit nervous and over think things. Will be interesting to see where this goes…

Right off, he’s sounding very goose-bumpy. So yay, David. Eliot, this is your night, man. If Simon says he didn’t bring it tonight, then there is no bringing it for Simon where Eliot is concerned. This is his highlight reel performance right here. Not over sung, just put out there beautifully and honestly. For the first time all season, I’d download a song. It was that good.

Judges? Randy thinks they over-rearranged the song (not me) but says he pulled it off. Eliot has brought Paula to tears (or she’s just already off her meds after one singer), and Simon says it was a vocal master class. Man, am I channeling him or what? No, I don’t want to know what that says about me, except I’m definitely nicer. And by that I mean, I may think it, but I don’t say it. Well, except here.

Ryan actually makes nice and smiles while teasing the judges, and it’s commercial time. Lisa Tucker gets a guest spot on The O.C.? WTG, Lisa!

Next up? Kellie. Oh, dear lord, what will Foster do to this poor girl? Through the fingers covering my eyes, I watch.. Kellie is on the Ryan’s Interview Stool of Introspection with her hair looking different, but I kind of think it works. It shouldn’t though. Don’t try this at home. He asks if she’s dedicating the song to anyone…and she thanks him for reminding her she has no boyfriend. She is singing Unchained Melody and talks about the movie Ghost…and tells Ryan she doesn’t have anybody to play pottery with. So, yes, the cuteness continues unabated as only Kellie can cute it.

What Does David Say…she wants to do the Leann Rimes version…and as she sings, David just looks stunned (not in a good way, I’m thinking) and Andrea smiles to himself, as he does, and who knows what he’s thinking. But he claims he thinks she’s sweet like her voice, so this is proof that the genetic thing is waaaaaay deep. David even falls a little bit under her spell. So maybe he wouldn’t kick a puppy after all. He wants her to do the Righteous Brothers falsetto note at the end and she has no idea if she has a falsetto range. Guess we’re gonna find out. She does. Who knew? Ace?? Are you there? Maybe he’s her Ghost pottery boy. David quizzes Andrea on how he knows so much about the contestants, seeing as he’s blind, and he just nails it again, blowing David’s mind. (Of course, guessing Kellie’s a blond might not be exactly psychic….)

We open with Kellie seated on the edge of the stage, starting in a very muted, slow section of the song, but then she stands to launch into the “oh myyyyy love” part, but the music pacing is really ponderous…and so is this version. She’s not murdering it, but she’s not doing it any favors either. I can’t imagine they’re going to be kind to her. She’s pulling a Taylor-snooze (like he does sometimes) with this one. Only, unlike Taylor, she doesn’t quite bring it at the end like he does….a semi rescue at best…but then back to the snooze before the close. Ah, Kellie…not your worst, that was last week, but not your best.

Judges? Randy said it wasn’t the right song for her, and Paula wasn’t happy either, and Simon said it was the never ending song…and he has a point. After her misfire last week….I think she might find her way to the bottom three. She is delightfully charming as only she can be, but at some point, the singing has to win out. And her singing isn’t winning out.

Ryan cuts Simon’s critique off and we go to commerical. Cranky, cranky, cranky.

Next up is Paris singing The Way We Were which should be a good choice for her even if it is Streisand. But maybe not. I am still tired of this song, and it’s been 30 years. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict David loves her. Let’s see… yep, both he and Andrea applaud her practice session. Not surprised. Andrea is absolutely taken with her.

Here we go….and she does a gorgeous, throaty, Gladys Knight-y rendition that is super and ultra goose bumpy. She looks good too - hair all flippy and a cute jacket and jeans ensemb. I’d rank her above Eliot (sorry, my man) as the best of the night so far. A little over sung at the end, but still the perfect showcase for her voice. I look at her tonight and for the first time, I can see her as this season’s American Idol winner.

Judges? Randy liked it, Paula thought she over sang a little and Simon thought it was a bit old fashioned for her…except that is exactly her niche and always has been, so whatever. Not channeling him as much at the moment. Actually channeling Paula, which alarms me. Still thought it was best so far. They could have been a little gushier.

Next up? Taylor singing Just Once by David Ingram which sounds like a good choice. He was really impressed with getting to meet Andrea and David and I think Taylor definitely gets the most out of his time with the weekly guests and absolutely appreciates every little bit of knowledge he can absorb. So what do they think of Taylor? I don’t think Andrea was all that impressed, but he was polite in his praise. David wasn’t as blown away by the voice as he was by the way Taylor pulls you in with his passion for singing, so he thinks this song will work for him because it’s a performance piece. He thinks Taylor has the most charisma of the group, which is that intangible star thing that you either have or don’t have.

I will say, now that we’ve come most of the way through the program, and especially seeing him work with Taylor, I think David comes off the way he does because he cares so much, very much like Taylor is about his music. So I’m coming to appreciate Mr. Foster’s crustiness a bit more. I think he’s pushing them perhaps a bit too far for something that will be shot out there once, to the universe, live…whereas if they were going into the studio, with time to tinker and make it just right, he’d get a lot more for what he’s trying to give. But brownie points for caring that much and trying so hard to give them as much of your knowledge as possible.

And here we go…. right off the bat, it’s not moving me. Taylor has this weird way of doing an almost karaoke thing at the start and then working his way into the song. I sure hope he does this time! Iwant to fast forward, not a good sign! He’s a bit flat, which isn’t helping. But he seems to be pushing it…by the time he hits the chorus he comes close to finding himself, but this….no, this is kind of painful and just off a hair. He does bring it a little bit in the end, but I really think it’s too little too late this time. With Chris still yet to go…well…if he knocks it out of the park, it will hurt Taylor I think. The crowd is digging it, but not me.

Judges? Randy is in the same ballpark as me (altho I don’t think it was a bad song choice, I just think he never hooked into it this time around) but he actually says karaoke! I’m psychic! Paula wasn’t into it, then she totally interrupts Simon and talks all over his review in a very unmedicated way. Simon says it’s a lounge act and he’s painfully right on target for tonight’s performance. He’s actually as kind about as he can be, because he could be harsher and still be within rights.

Commercials, then it’s Chris closing out the night (pimp spot to keep him out of the bottom three? Yep, I think so, too.) He’s singing Bryan Adams’ song Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman, which, again, I think he’d do well with. Of course, my track record speaks for itself tonight, so I’m not holding out much hope here.

A little softer for him, but still rock-ish. David and Andrea try to get Chris to sing from somewhere deeper than his throat and show him how Andrea recorded opera laying down (literally) which blew Chris’s (and my) mind with how powerful he still was. But put Chris on his back on the carpet and somehow this huge powerful voice comes out, so though he felt totally awkward doing it, I think it might pay off. David says he has to deliver the performance of his life…and not from his throat. I’m not sure he’s optimistic about this, but he does agree Chris has the potential.

Here we go….so we get Chris on stage, flanked by two guitarists doing the unplugged thing (further underscoring my pimp spot theory), dressed in a suit, but more casually than the others…and he jumps right in with the emotion…and a back up singer really blending in well with him. I’m liking it… Okay, so Paris moves on down one space. Chris, I’d download this one, too.

Judges? Randy loved it. Paula seriously needs to have her prescription refilled, stat. Simon Says he rocked it out.

My ranking tonight, first to last? Chris, Paris/Eliot in a tie. Leaving Kat and Taylor/Kellie as my Bottom Three.

Concur? Disagree? What did you think? Not my favorite night, especially on the heels of last week, but hopefully tomorrow night they will announce that next week’s theme is something FUN.

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Tags: Writing //