Idol first….

So, we’re down to seven, which includes Syesha and Kristy Lee, but not MJ or Chikezie. Which means being a Top Anything is all relative. It’s Mariah night. I can only hope it was the producers evil plan that by forcing them all to sing the diva power ballads from hell, maybe they’d collectively get over it. Forever. How will the judges handle it? We’ll see.

In other news, you know who shouldn’t wear leather pants? Ever? David Archuleta, that’s who.

He sings first (hmmmm…..) and does a very nice job with a Mariah power ballad I don’t recognize, but I’m the last in line on the Mariah love train, having gotten off at my station, oh, somewhere around 1996. I will say the song is (shockingly!!!) about achieving miracles and sounds like something that should have been sung last week. He also hits the falsetto, and my jury is out on whether Mariah was right about him going for that. I’m sure Simon will tell us. Judges? Randy reveals this was the Double Diva of Death tune, as it was a Mariah/Whitney duet (and lightning did not strike him whilst he sung….hunh.) Paula gushes. Simon gives a major golf clap. He also points out that the guys will fare better tonight as they won’t get the same gender comparison the ladies will. Sound point.

Carly is next, singing Without You. Mariah gives her voice mad props and we’re off with a song I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again. Right after that Celine Titanic song. Mostly, I just sit and wait sort of cringing on the inside, as it builds up with the whole, “I can’t live…….” thing, knowing the bombast that is to follow and how my eardrums will bleed…..I can’t take it. I fast forward. Clearly, I’m not remotely objective here because I really hate this song. Tonight does nothing to change this. I will defer to our judges. Judges? Randy says he admires her tackling it, but to trust in her lowed range, because she has the screamy shouty parts down. (He might have used different words.) Paula….talks. Simon says he was looking forward to her tackling this, but thinks she didn’t pull it off. I’ll defer to that.

God, this is pure torture night for me. Power Ballad Diva Week. And I thought last week was rough. Now Ryan throws it to a commercial and threatens us that Syesha is singing when we get back. You have no idea how much I wish I could lie and say my DVR ate my homework right about now. Except Cook hasn’t sung yet. Which is the only reason I’m hanging in.

Syesha chooses a song called Vanishing. (Could I? Please? Right now? No?) Shockingly…it’s a power ballad. I know, I know, I’m stunned, too. (Deargodkillmenow.) And, did anyone else laugh when Mariah had to show Syesha, note by note apparently, how she could make the song her own? Because….that makes it still kinda Mariah’s song, right? Whatever. Clearly my heart is not in this. I could be watching dancing, but no. Sigh. I watch, I am not moved. No one is less shocked than I. I am, once again, simply left wondering how it is that a woman who can sing so damn well, leaves me so emotionless. She rocks this. And I care not. The only thing that got my attention was that the piano players fu manchu beard on crack. Judges? Randy says she sang it. Paula is almost coherent. Okay, no she’s not. Simon says it was a technical success, but that David A is, thus far, the one to beat tonight. Which speaks greater volumes about tonight’s show than any recap I could write.

It is now Brooke’s turn. For whom, next to David A, tonight was tailor made for. I’ve already asked god to kill me now, so there is nothing left to ask for. But that she chooses a very short tune. When did I stop loving this show? Seriously. I’m not enjoying this at all. Last week, it was so disappointing not loving it, this week, I’m more numb than anything, and wondering when the fun stopped. She chooses Hero, which Mariah said she initially penned for Gloria Estefan. You remember Gloria, the one who sings really fun, upbeat, peppy songs we can all get into? Yeah, thos are fast becoming a distant memory for me, too. She plays the piano, she sings, it’s finally over. Judges? Randy talks, Brooke once again thinks the judges comments are an invitation to a chatty conversation, which? Not so much. Paula is Paula. Simon understands why she went the piano/club route rather than try to out power diva either Carly or Syesha, but having gone there, he goes on to add it was like a hamburger with no meat, aka the vital bit was missing. She didn’t have the power to pull it off. Brooke looks stymied by the comparison, but mercifully Ryan leaps in before another chat session can ensue.

And am I the only one who is noticing Ryan’s sudden speech affectation of over enunciating ev-er-y sin-gle syl-la-ble? Like he’s delivering his show-opening line THIS….is American Idol, in eve-ry sen-tence he speaks? Quite annoying, but apparently I’m easily annoyed by reality television, lo these past several days.

What do you think the chances are of my mood lifting when we are informed it’s Kristy Lee’s turn? Yeah, exactly my thinking. She chose Forever and gave Mariah goosebumps with her version. Listening to it now, I’m thinking it was just chilly in the rehearsal hall, but what do I know? Another competantly sung song, as all of these kids are always capable of delivering. And all I can think is that I would kill for a dance tune right about now. Judges? Randy picks it apart even after the crowd goes crazy. Paula says she knows Kristy has this evil plan of actually improving every week. Because, wow, who would have thought of that crazy strategy! Simon didn’t get chills and says it was whiny. Kristy Lee talks back like she cannot believe they’re criticizing her, because she’s kryptonite and can’t be killed, so why not get mouthy?

You think it’s a coincidence they saved Jason and Cook for the end of the night? Me, neither. It got us all to watch alllll the rest of it, didn’t it?

We find out Ramiele is in the audience because, apparently, no one is ever really off the show and this season will never end. You know who I want to win? I think I want Archie to win. He’s perfect for the Idol Machina, leaving Jason to wander back to the wood and sing to the woodland creatures, and David Cook to go the Daughtry route, cut his own record, and leave platinum records in his wake….

But first, we get to watch Cook tackle the diva and Always Be My Baby. I’m surprised Castro gets the pimp spot, but I guess giving it to Cook was just too much. At least this is bound to be entertaining. Even if not in a good way. He takes the only upbeat tune of the night and alts it up, so it’s not dancy anymore, which, REALLY? But, of course he wasn’t going to do a dance tune, so I’m over it. At least it has a chance of being something I might actually enjoy tonight. And remember tomorrow. I hope. And pray. But the rehearsal session just made it sound odd and tuneless. I’m sure he’s fixed that. Right, Cook? RIGHT? But, not quite as it turns out….it’s kind of an odd lower range of notes, which sounded all flat to me. I loved what he did with Sparrow and grew to love Billie Jean, and I like where he was trying to go with this, too, but the notes weren’t all there for me. I’ll have to give it another listen. I think it’s like with Billie Jean, initially I just couldn’t make my brain divorce itself from the original, and now I really like his version. (Sparrow is my all time fave though - the studio version is stunning.) Hopefully upon listening again later, maybe without watching at the same time, I’ll get it. Props for making it original. I’ll give him that.

Judges? Randy gets it. He says he’s the only one with a true sound and he gives him a standing O. Paula says movie soundtrack. Simon starts with what sounds like a slam saying it was like coming out of karaoke hell, but then calms the rioting crowd by continuing with “to a breath of fresh air.” I wish I loved it as much as some of his earlier stuff. I’ll have to give the studio version a listen later on. But I am glad to hear someone actually remake one of the tunes tonight, which he definitely did that. And the praise actually brings tears to his eyes…making me wonder if he was that worried about his rendition, then the camera pans to a guy in the audience who I’m pretty sure is his brother, and the tears make a lot more sense. Major kudos to Cook for not milking the situation with his brother for votes. The show is certainly giving him every opportunity, but his statements have been of the silent variety and meant strictly as a show of support for his family (the wrist band, the tattoo…) If the media and the show hadn’t made it public, we’d have never known from him.

Closing the show, Jason…chooses I Don’t Want to Cry, which I kinda really liked in rehearsal, so go figure? Could be my personal fave of the night, as it really suited his voice. We’ll see. One thing I will say is that Mariah’s intent here, in terms of mentoring, was very nice to watch. She was very into it as a pure singer/songwriter and really wanted to get into the meat of the songs with each of them and explore the possibilities. Mad props for that, it was nice to see from a professional standpoint. I was hoping he’d play the guitar tonight as he did in rehearsal, and I think it lacked a little for that, but I really liked his rendition and his stage presence has really evolved. I liked the musical treatment of the arrangement. Very Jason, who is emerging as the only other one with a true “sound.” Not sure where he’ll end up in the pop music spectrum, but, at the very least, I respect that he stays true to who he is musically, live or die. Judges?

Wow, that’s just cold. My DVR cuts off NOW? Not during Syesha or Kristy Lee? But now? For real? Now I have to go actually hunt this down on You Tube to get the judges take. Like, that’s work. For tonight’s show. Which is not right. Only for you, woodland creature. Hilariously (and mercifully) someone actually posted just the judges take, for those whose DVR cut out. Bless you! All just to hear Randy say he didn’t like it. Paula always loves him. Simon says it wasn’t the best vocal but he really loved the original version and goes on to say the guys took the night. Which, not hard to do when all you leave behind for competition is Syesha, Carly, and Kristy Lee. Honestly. Wouldn’t this be much more exciting right now if it was all guys? If our final five was Cook, Castro, Chikezie, MJ, and yes, Archie? That? Would be American Idol.

Going home this week…any of the girls, and I’ll be a perfectly happy camper. Send any other guy home first and I’m giving up on America. Downloads for me this week? Castro and Cook. (I hear MJ was going to do a blues version of Visions of Love this week. But no, America.)

Dancing…where even stoner music dudes will be welcome because we’re going to samba and rumba and there will be fun music, bright colors, and joy, dammit.

Last night, my overwhelming reaction was…who set the spray on tan booth to crispy Yikes.

Louis and Priscilla tackled what I thought was a really highly technical routine, but the judges were right in that it was such a slow tempo, that it really exposed flaws. And it was shaky at times, but damn, Priscilla did the splits. She’s 62, y’all. So the judges need to shut up about it being shaky. (And why is it that Jane Seymour got all these mad props for dancing on the show “at her age” when her body was smoking, etc, and she had dance training, but they never say anything to Priscilla, who is the oldest woman contestant. Maybe of any contestant. Not sure about Hamilton. Anyway…where are her props? Just because she had scary face alterations doesn’t change the fact that she’s sixty-damn-two. Len.)

Derek had food poisoning, but still went on, but Krispy Shannon was all long legs and no hip action and it showed tonight, unfortunately. I still like them and think it’s Priscilla’s turn this week, so she should be safe. (And, forget her sick partner, am I the only one who thought she was going to pull a Marie last night and drop like a stone? Girl was whipped done after that dance.)

Kristi and Mark were, once again, lovely to watch, and she’s beginnng to pull me in emotionally. I think it’s because they truly are doing wonderful routines and it’s just a pleasure watching such lovliness, love her or not. And Kristi’s hockey player husband? Hawt. So unfair. But her daughters are such adorable cuties, we forgive.

Marissa….I think my whole room is still suffering shock waves from her shimmying, but man she so totally went for it. But it’s thrilling to see her so totally go for it and give herself over to this. She is loving this, and, I think, terrified by it at the same time. Tony? You’re getting by on her exuberance and charm, not your waxed chest. Maks, you are not. Button up.

Marlee was the one who tugged my heart. This was the first week where the overwhelming technicality of the dance and the intricate steps defied even Fabian’s brilliant strategizing with his choreo, to overcome her inabilty to hear the music. She struggled, and I wanted to stand up and cheer when she got through it with her head held high. You could tell she hated going out there, knowing she had little prayer of really pulling it off this time, and yet she stuck with it and did it. I was proud of her.

Cheryl and Christian, I actually enjoyed their routine and liked seeing them together. They aren’t as technically proficient as say Jason and Edyta, much less Kristi and Mark, and yet I enjoy them. (And I liked that telenovela sequence.) Whereas, despite his gorgeous mug, gorgeous physique and gorgeous instructor, I find myself uncomfortable watching Jason dance. In fact I usually have to ff or just find my attention wandering off screen. Not sure why. He’s very good, and definitely high on the man candy scale. What is my problem?

Mario and Karina I thought did a good job. I enjoyed them tonight. It’s never a masterpiece and I don’t think they can achieve the true chemistry needed, but it was entertaining and enjoyable. Despite big bird being stapled to Karina’s bum.

So…going home tonight? Not sure, but Priscilla gets my vote. I’m hoping it’s not Shannon or Marlee, but they could both be in the bottom two.

And here we go with results! Kristi and Mark get the encore, which is well deserved. I would of kinda liked to see it go to Marissa, just for grins. Last two weeks it’s gone to the one going home. I don’t think that curse will continue tonight.

Yay, fun music! Frolicking dancers! Life, she goes on!!

Love watching Jonathan and wife, Louis and Karina, and, surprisngly Derek and Edyta. The band guys were just totally digging chicks in feathers and a tan.

Kristi and Mark: safe. Cheryl and Christian? Not so much. (More wrongful placements, America. Step it up!)

Adorable tykes dance and I hate that there are winners and losers, but since they’ve apparently been in eleventy-billion competitions already, they likely have tougher skin than I do.

More placement action….Jason/Edyta - safe. James Blount sings and…are they dancers or circus performers? perform with him quite ambidextrously, then we find out Mario/Karina are safe. After much Music of Doom, Shannon/Derek are safe and the world tilts slightly back on its axis. Marlee/Fabian, also safe. Which lands Priscilla/Louis in the bottom two, and….so they got it half right and I can’t really call foul. As long as it’s Priscilla and not Man Candy going home.

In the end, America proves it really can send a female off a reality show and Priscilla ends her run. But, scary face alterations aside, major kudos to her for doing this. I kinda grew to like her. And I’ll miss Louis!!

So, Blog Babes Who Play? Did you get it right with your first vote for this week’s SHaQ Attack contest? And the rest of you, still time to get two more votes in for a chance! See Monday’s post for details.

Aaaaaaand….dish. Did anyone love Ballad Night? What did you think about the Bottom Two on Dance? Who will go home on Idol tonight? And on Top Chef….it’s tailgate party night. As long as the only team on the field are the ones playing football and not cooking, I’m all for it! Also…..we get two more Men In Trees, then AGAIN it goes on hiatus until the end of May. I swear, I have no idea why they even keep this show around. A shame they can’t just let it alone for more than a month.

Dish!

Tags: Writing by Donna
5 Comments »

Which was probably all kinds of hot. I wouldn’t know. My deadline approaches for both book and classes and last night was all work and no play for me. Pout! Tonight, however, I plan to schedule in a little time to watch some singing and dancing, so tune in tomorrow for all the MAC you can handle!

But right this very second, you need to check out yesterday’s post to find out about this week’s SHaQ Attack contest. You have three chances to win, but the deadline for your first entry is tonight at 8pm EST - so hurry up and get your vote in!

One of our intrepid blog babes asked if you skunk out on all three, is there a booby prize? Well, there should be. Maybe I’ll make you MAC the finale of Oprah’s Big Give this weekend. That would most definitely qualify as a booby prize. What? Oh, okay….for those of you who get it allllll wrong, I’ll put your names in another pile and draw a lucky loser!

See? You really can’t lose. So whadya waiting for?

In the meantime, just because I haven’t watched it yet, doesn’t mean you can’t dish. Tell me who you loved, who you didn’t so much, and who the stoner wardrobe dude dissed this week.

Tags: Writing by Donna
2 Comments »

Okay, first, on Top Chef, our pre-existing relationship chefs are no longer a matter of consideration. Yes, grinch-faced Zoi was told to pack her knives and go, which came as a shock to no one except her lovah, Jen, who continues to insist to Zoi and the world that she is a force to be reckoned with. Which, we all knew said force was going to be difficult to reckon from her position on Bottom Three row, which is where she spent almost every minute of her time on the show. But, way to be loyal, Jen. Golf clap for that.

In other news, there were multiple moments where I kind of wanted to smack the accessories right offa Lisa’s bitchface. Too harsh? True, it’s not like I have to work with her, but I was forced to listen to her kvetch and moan all during what could have been an entertaining hour long show. So I think my own bitchfaciness is somewhat warranted. I mean, yes, Dale is also a jerk, but I don’t so much feel like getting physical with him. Maybe because he’s an acknowledged jerk, which makes him an entirely different kind of annoyance more worthy of pity for being that guy who proudly calls himself out as an ass and thinks this makes it somehow better. Him, we let bitchslap himself. Lisa, on the other hand, needs our help.

At least Dale manages to reign it in whilst working with others, keeping his simmering assiness internal. Not so much with Lisa, who crabs like most of us breathe, which is to say non-stop. She is even outed on the Top Chef guest blogs as being a never-ending whinypants. So when Dale sticks his nose into Antonia’s argument with Spike (who we will deal with in a moment) Lisa, of all people, wants to stick her two cents in and tell him it’s not appropriate behavior. Really, Lisa? Because the degree to which you should take your well-deserved, bacon-winning trip to Italy and shut up cannot be overestimated. And Dale? Get over the fact that she beat you out. Yes, she made bacon. One of a kind bacon that impressed even a world famous Asian chef. You? Made relish.

These people. Really.

And then there’s Spike. And his hats. Seriously with the hats. It’s worse than Crying Ricky on Project Runway. Which I heretofore thought an impossible boundary to cross. But even worse than the tacky hat parade? Is Spike’s attitude. Which, have you seen his hats? Because that’s saying something right there. Yes, Antonia could have chosen to take a back seat because of her immunity, except this contest is called Top Chef. Not take-a-back-seat chef. Props to her for not slacking off because she couldn’t be sent home. And Spike? It is on tape. I went back and checked. She said she’d make an awesome soup if you wanted her to, (her words, by the way) but she felt it was the wrong direction to take with the menu. And she stood her ground with regards to her feelings. Sort of like, you know, a top chef would. You? Did not. Because, after her little speech you agreed with her. So, shut up about everything from that point on, Hat Boy, and take your defeat like you own it. Because, you do. And Zoi? It is too your dish if you’re the one sending it out to be judged. So season the damn thing. What is it about this season where no one wants to, you know…..season?

Oh, and while I’m whining worse than Lisa, Richard? You are so damn lucky you’re not packing your knives. Scaly fish. Amateur mistake. Even Andrew wouldn’t have sent that mess out. Stephanie? Still rocks. Despite having a less than stellar palate, apparently.

Episode grade: D Worst of the season, thus far.

Next week? The fun and frivolity continue. Let’s hope without any more team challenges. Because this isn’t Top Team Chefs, either, Bravo.

Okay….on to this week’s SHaQ Attack contest! Where I promise not to be remotely bitchy. Last week we went old school with the scavenger hunt, so this week we’re going to play Who’s Going Home: Guy or Girl?. We’re dwindling down the number of folks we can vote off islands, stages, and dance floors, so this week you get three chances to enter. You have until Tuesday evening at 8pm EST to send in your vote for who is going home on Dancing With The Stars: Guy? or Girl? You have until Wednesday evening at 9pm EST to tell us who is going home on American Idol: Guy? Or Girl? Aaaaaand, until Thursday night at 8pm EST to tell me who is going home on Survivor: Guy? Or Girl? (Because we’re merged and I’m all done with fan vs favorite.) Three chances to vote. One winner. Announced Friday, right here. Send any or all of your votes to donna@donnakauffman.com with the name of the show you’re voting on in the subject line.

Good luck, happy guessing…..and now, tell me, who should pack their knives, their dancing shoes, their torch, and/or their ukelele?

And is anyone watching the complete and utter train wreck that is Bravo’s Step It Up And Dance? Because….wow. And not in a good way.

Tags: Writing by Donna
3 Comments »

Okay, so explain to me in what world it makes sense for both Kristy Lee and Syesha to still be on a program, when Michael Johns is not. Did you just forget to vote for him, America? Because that? Was whack. I’m not saying he was going to win the season, but I’m still confounded by how he can be gone, heck how Chikezie is gone, when those two ladies are still in the competition. Not getting that.

And I kinda think that going through the whole bottom three process, announcing the other two are safe, without actually saying MJ is gone..with anyone who has watched the show knowing — knowing! — that last year during Idol Gives Back week they decided to send no one home, then reminding everyone of that, while he’s still standing there, his entire future on the show still hanging in the balance, only NOT to rescue him but say, yeah, but not this year, buh bye, MJ. That was cold. Seriously.

However, though clearly stunned by the outcome, along with everybody else, he had a great sing out. Classy exit, Aussie Boy. Now, for the love of god people, stop voting for Syesha and Kristy Lee (who wasn’t even IN the bottom three this week. It was Carly and Syesha….) Dogs and cats, living together. Up is down, down is up. What has the world come to?

Well, what the world has come to over on Survivor is people playing immunity idols carved out of sticks, that’s what’s happening there. Loved last night’s episode. Loved. The tribes merge into one. Amanda is having serious jealousy when it’s clear that Alexis and Ozzy shared quite the time on exile together (of which we saw zilch) so she wants her competition gone. Cirie is all over that, giggling her way through her confessionals. Love her. Jason is still Jason, which is to say completely unlikable, and even worse when he beats Ozzy for immunity first time out of the gate. Ugh.

But he gets his smack down when he offers Eliza his immunity idol and she incredulously tells him it’s just a damn stick, and that Ozzy clearly made it and has the real one. What’s hilarious, is that he STILL doesn’t want to believe that. Eliza knows, just as she knows she has to try anything to stay in…so she plays it. Ha! One of my favorite tribal councils, and James? Officially redeemed on worst immunity idol gaff ever, man. My favorite part was when Ozzy acted all miffed when Probst just tossed the thing into the fire. He was all “hey, that took me hours to make!” Ha squared. But Eliza did, at least, out Ozzy as having the idol, and it looks like Cirie is all over using that against him to get him out next week. We’ll see!

Top Chef remains unviewed. Mea culpa! But that leaves some fresh MAC for Monday, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, we have a SHaQ Attack contest winner this week. I asked you to name a book with a hero wearing a black t-shirt on one of my covers, other than the Black Sheep men, and you all came through. There were three possible correct answers: Black Satin, Santerra’s Sin, and Sean. Our winner this week, is Dena! Woo hoo!!!

Have a great weekend, everyone. See you Monday with a new SHaQ Attack contest. So…what did you think of AI’s ouster? Dish!

Tags: Writing by Donna
9 Comments »

So, yeah. I really wasn’t planning on MAC’n Idol Gives Back, because only Oprah should bring the snark to people doing good deeds. And I’m not. Oprah, or MACing this show. See tomorrow for Mondo MAC, however. BUT! I would be remiss if I didn’t at least comment on The Best Opening Number Evah! Oh, I was in serious happy town for the opening five minutes. And, honestly? I wasn’t looking forward, really, to actually watching Telethon Idol. I made my call right when it came on and pledged because they aren’t kidding about every dollar helps someone and who can’t skip a Happy Meal or six and give a few bucks? (although, did I get David Cook on the phone? Nooooooooo. What’s up with that?)

Then I planned on mostly using the remote to speed watch. But no. With finger poised on the ff button, I freeze. Because they had to go an open with not one season, but ALL of the So You Think You Can Dance dancers from forever and back to the beginning. Hi Benji! Hi Benji’s sister Lacey! Hi Hok and his entire crew! Hi Travis! Hi Pasha! Hi Dmitry! Hi..everyone! Wow, that was like the best reunion ever. The only thing missing was Cat Deeley. I’m so glad I have it on TiVo so I can go back and rewatch until I can catch everybody who was in it. Truly a shiny, happy moment. And so now I’m watching. Box of Kleenex at my side. Thanks, Nigel.

All in all, a much better produced and run show this year. Great artists, more focused. I hope they raised a googilian dollars.

Don’t forget, this is your last chance to enter this week’s SHaQ Attack contest. And yes, it’s an old school Scavenger Hunt Question, but it’s not all that hard. And you’ve got a few correct answers to choose from. So, go ahead and play. I dare ya!

Tonight? Tribes Merge. Hopefully for the sole purpose of giving us the supreme pleasure of watching Ozzy smackdown Jason. I’d pay actual money for that. Not a lot of money, but hey. Topped Chefs will get their Tasty MAC tomorrow. And, did we send an Idol home? Maybe. Last year they got a pass on telethon week. Oh the suspense. Oh the drama. So, join me tomorrow for more MAC. But, for right this very second, DISH!

Tags: Writing by Donna
1 Comment »

So, in advance of tonight’s Idol Gives Back Extravaganza, the theme last night on Idol was “Inspirational Songs.” Now, this doesn’t necessarily translate to spiritual songs, but songs that motivate or inspire. Will they? Only the next hour will tell.

Michael Johns is up first and, you know, the cravat last week could be written off (if I’m being really generous) to maybe a Warren Beatty flashback. But I can’t explain the knotted silk neck scarf tonight. My grandmother would swoon. If she could wear it. But on that strapping Aussie lad? Ye-ah. I’m not feelin’ it. He chose Dream On by Aerosmith as his inspirational song as he’s come to America to follow his dream. He does his standard Jim Morrison Meets Freddie Mercury job with it, and except for going all falsetto on the final note, does a serviceable job. But what I’m deciding about MJ, is that he’s not distinct. I enjoy him okay. I certainly like to look at him. (Sans scarf. Hide them, MJ’s Roomies, I beg you!) But, having downloaded a handful of the studio tunes from this season, I’ve come to realize that, if I didn’t know he’d sung a specific song on the show, I wouldn’t be able to pick out his voice. Castro? Yes. Cook? Definitely. Even Chikezie (who should still be on this show, dammit.) But MJ, not so much. He’s more Generic Rocker Dude Voice. So…my feelings, they shift. Judges? Randy sort of agrees with me, in a Randy kind of way. Paula sounds sick, still. Simon actually gives him props on the performance, but says he prefers his more bluesy tones than faux-rock star stuff.

Next we get Syesha, who is hopefully the next one to go home since Kristy Lee is apparently made of Kryptonite. Oh, for the love of…. So, last week, she sang the Whitney of all Whitney tunes and got hammered for it. For her inspirational tune? Yeah, Fantasia. I Believe. Sigh. No words. Just once, I’d have liked to see her pick a song she could make her own. Very nice voice, but she just sings other peoples songs well, but never in a memorable way that makes you sit up and go, wow, she’s something unique. She’s good, but, like MJ, she’s not unique. Fantasia, love her or hate her, brought an energy to her songs that made you pay attention. I’ve never once felt compelled to download Syesha’s take on whatever song she’s taken on. Wow, last note? Scary. Back away from the falsetto tonight, y’all. Judges? Randy agrees with me. Smart man. Paula totally doesn’t get Randy and jumps on the “why are you comparing her” train, when, hello? If you don’t make us sit up and pay attention to YOUR take on a song, and all we’re doing is sitting back going, wow, not as good as the original artist? Then you failed. Syesha got upset when they compared her to Whitney last week, wanting to stand on her own. Well, Syesha, make your rendition of someone else’s song memorable, and we will. Just singing it well misses the point entirely. Simon? Says she sang it technically well, (hello!) but didn’t feel the wave of emotion he felt when he heard Fantasia sing it. And so how can he not compare when she didn’t move him like that? I get it. Not sure why she can’t.

Our Lovely Stoner Woodland Creature is singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Not the traditional version, mind you. No….our unique spirit is doing a Hawaiian version that was sung to a ukelele. Not kidding. Even I couldn’t make that up. So, this could be really…interesting. (Ya think?) I will say this, though. Despite not necessarily connecting to Jason’s more folksy vibe, I downloaded his studio version of Fragile and liked it enough to download a few more. He still isn’t my go-to kind of artist, but he does have what a few others in this competition lack, and that’s a unique sound. I guess it must be frustrating being someone like Syesha (and maybe to a degree Carly, and even Brooke as well) in that you either have a distinct voice/style/sound, or you don’t. You might be an awesome singer, but you can’t really manufacture that unique aspect. Charisma can make up some of the distance, but not all. Which is why none of them will win this, and despite being a less-than-stellar performer, someone like Jason could. Not this year, mind you, but he has a greater chance then a number of others do. But, I digress. The uke awaits. And yes, folks, he does play one while he sings. It’s both different and totally Jason. If you like that kind of thing. Not thinking I’ll be downloading this one, but at least he stays true to himself. Props to tackling stuff like this. Judges? Randy says it was hot. Paula slurs…something. Simon Says he took several listens to get into the uke groove, but thought Jason’s take was fantastic. Me? I think they just want to make sure it’s Syesha or Kristy Lee going home this week. But I could stand to look at the perfect skin, great smile, and woodland nymph eyes another week, so I’m all for that. Toke on, dude.

Kristy Lee is next. And after the pandering God Bless the USA, then Dolly Niche Week….lord only knows what she’ll stoop to tonight to stick around. At least she’s being cagey–er, competitive. She’s singing Anyway by Martina McBride. She does an okay job with this, but I don’t see her as the next Carrie U. Wow, and she gets a whole gospel choir. Hunh. What’s up with that? Judges? Randy says it was good for her. Paula tries to remain upright in her chair. Simon Says she chose well to show who she was as an artist and that it was a smart choice. I agree. Now send her home, America.

Yay! So You Think You Can Dance is back next month! Woot!

We come back from commercial break to find some straggly haired dude sitting in Simon’s lap. (I don’t make this up, I swear.) And we’re told he’s the big cheese behind American Idol. (I thought that was Nigel?) Simon calls him the Dark Lord of AI and tells us he’s Michael Darnell. Never heard that name. He looks rather Hobbit like. The whole segment is rather odd.

Yay, it’s Cook Time. I think the new hairstyle is an improvement. As much as hair can improve him in any way. Now this guy has a totally distinct voice. I’ve downloaded a bunch. Don’t love them all, but there’s no denying who’s singing when they come through the shuffle rotation. I hope tonight adds to my playlist. He’s singing Innocent by Our Lady Peace, which I don’t think I know. I hope I do after tonight. Okay…so, right off, I’m worried. Not because he’s not doing a nice Cook-ly job with this alt tune, but that it’s so arcane a selection as to put off the viewers who won’t connect with something they’ve never heard. Dangerous territory, my friend. Even with the coming down to sing from the judges stage, I’m a bit eh this week myself, for the same reason. If you’re going to pick something relatively unknown, then it had best be something that resonates, and this is a bit too alt for that. Though he gets the back up chorus, too. I guess it’s the whole inspirational theme thing. Judges? Randy agrees. Paula says he’s whole package, but who doesn’t she love? Simon thinks it’s a bit pompous. See? Never come down and sing on Simon’s stage.

Carly is singing The Show Must Go On by Queen. I’m not sure I care anymore. She’s a great singer, don’t get me wrong, but I totally don’t connect with her. She doesn’t move me in the slightest, even when she’s just belting it out beautifully. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because it always sounds a tad desperate to me, I don’t know. At least she’s not wearing her great aunt’s blouse again. The outfit is one step closer to something current. And she’s definitely giving it her all, I’ll give her that. In a shrieky kind of way. Judges? Randy says a bit pitchy, and just okay. Paula stumbles her way through. Simon Says she looks good, but he thought it was an unusual choice and she oversang it. Agreed.

Who’s next? Why, it’s Little Archie. If there was ever a week tailor made for Message Song Boy, it’s this one. I’m almost afraid to hear what he’s chosen. Will he be surrounded by starving children and abandoned puppies while he sings? I think he always is in his mind. And he chooses a song called Angels. Yes, I continue to not be making this up. Cue the puppies… It’s David and the Baby Grand, and….yeah. Judges? Randy loved it. Paula, we already know. Simon? Best song choice of the night, but he didn’t think it was his best performance. Still, he predicts he will sail through, and…no duh.

Brooke gets the pimp spot and threatens us with Carole King. Why, of course she is. I should love her, too, right? And yet…. So, here we go with You’ve Got A Friend. What is she wearing? My eyes! But, to absolutely no one’s surprise, she sings this song beautlfully well, because it was totally made for her. And I was bored out of my ever-loving mind. Judges? Randy said it wasn’t her best. Paula says it’s a perfect close. Simon Says it was a pleasant walk in the park. Original? No. Pleasant? Yes. And he mercifully leaves it at that, so Brooke doesn’t try to talk back to him.

So…I’m feeling all Eeyore, but I wasn’t alll that inspired given the theme. All well sung songs, and yet, ironically, not moving me at all this week. I was more moved by Dolly Week. I’m not sure what that says about me, or that I want to know, but there you have it. Going home? I don’t really know. I’d hazard to say Syesha and Kristy Lee, but then don’t we always?

There was also Dancing Stars to send home. Sheryl Sings (best performance ever on this show, which might not be saying much, except she’s all kinds of awesome and so it is all that and ten times more), Samantha Stumbles, and Tom makes me laugh. So does Marlee. Then 8 year olds are ridiculously double jointed. In the end, in what isn’t a shocker, it’s Our Adam who takes his leave of us. Presumably his unicycle did, too. So far this season, they’re actually sending home the right people in pretty much the right order. Go figure! Except, he was funny. In a perverse, I hate myself for laughing kind of way. But still. So, now…I guess it’s all on Priscilla. Make me laugh, Lisa Marie’s Mom!

Tomorrow? We get Idol’s We Are The World Fest, so we don’t lose a singer until Thursday, because you can’t really have a show that is all about giving from the bottom of your heart to save those who are less fortunate, then end the night by crushing someone’s dream. Just doesn’t seem right. So….we’ll crush them a day later. Perfectly sane.

Aaaaaaaaand? Dish!

Tags: Writing by Donna
1 Comment »

A whoooole buncha books are getting mailed out today - thanks for your patience! Angie, Pat, Pam, Amanda, Barbara-Jo, Carolyn, Marie & Susan, your books and/or ARCs are on their way! If you’re not one of the blog babes mentioned above, and you still haven’t received your SHaQ Attack contest winning book, please let me know!!

So….on to some Dance MAC! What a night, huh? This truly is Morning After Commentary as I watched at like one this morning while putting together class kits for a seminar I’m teaching this Thursday. I thought that everyone, with perhaps the exception of Adam, danced well. Not sure it was worth the crazy, insane scoring, but this batch of contestants are definitely raising the bar. And Adam is entertaining, if nothing else. I almost like seeing how badly he can embarrass Julianne with his comments.

Stoner Music Dude was back in full stoner glory last night. Some of those song selections were simply bizarre. I was impressed how well some of the couples did despite their music. Stoner Dresser Dude was also partaking this week, apparently while watching a marathon of Disney princess movies, and that includes dressing Carrie Ann, but, for the most part, at least he erred on the side of elegance. I’m not sure what line he was walking with the paso doble costumes though. Most of them looked like some bizarre cross between a bull fighter on crack and a drunken German Oktoberfest band member. Also - Stoner Make Up Dude? When you’re putting makeup on Marissa, can we dial the paint gun down a few notches from cheap hooker? Thanks.

Scoring was insane, as mentioned above. You cannot give someone a ten, I don’t care how lovely the performance, if they trip over their big ol NFL-sized feet. I thought Jason and Edyta did a lovely job, but a ten, it wasn’t. He tripped! I actually enjoyed Kristi more than I have, despite there still being an emotional disconnect. Maybe it was the contemporary music, in their case, but she had my attention way more than usual. Hers were the only high marks this time that I thought were well deserved. But in other cases you had Mario, Priscilla and Adam all getting the same marks? Yeah. No. ,

And Samantha, for the love of all that is good, please stop talking to every single contestant about trying to beat Kristi. We don’t care. They don’t care. And most of all, Kristi begs you to stop. I’m not sure who my favorites were. I liked Shannon and Derek, but I almost got a neck cramp from holding my own head so stiffly the entire time they danced, for fear he was going to snap his neck again. Ouch!! Honestly, I really thought Kristi and Mark were the most dynamic. That was some really gorgeous choreo. I’m beginning to tire a wee bit of Cheryl and Man Candy. There is something that’s almost too frantic or desperate about her choreography. She needs to slow it down just a hair and let it look and feel more polished and less rushed or show-offy. I ususally am wowed by her choreo, but Julianne, Derek, Mark, and even Fabian have started to surpass her, and with her partner this year, there is no excuse for that. Speaking of Fabian, I love his pairing with Marlee. Love her sense of humor, and they truly seem like a well bonded pair. I think it’s been a great introduction for him into the cast, and he’s done a tremendous job choreographing for her.

Not as impressed? Mario/Karina still leave me flat, though he’s working very hard and I like the guy. I just think I’m not a big Karina fan. Priscilla/Louis (I know, sorry Louis!) but she’s sort of wind-up-action-doll, with a Disney Princess outfit for me. Did anyone else crack up when Carrie Ann made the comment about her lack of expression? I was like, uh Carrie Ann? She can’t really help that. And poor Marissa tries so hard, but I think it’s just a total mismatch with Tony.

All in all I suppose I’d put Kristi at the top for the night, followed by Jason, Marlee, and Shannon. Then Mario, Christian, and Priscilla. Then Marissa and Adam. I’m guessing Adam goes home this week, but if not, then Marissa might need to be worried.

Sheryl Crow performs tonight! Woo hoo! I’m looking forward to that one.

Good luck with this week’s SHaQ Attack contest! See Monday’s post for details.

Tags: Writing by Donna
5 Comments »

Hope everyone had a great weekend. It’s time for another SHaQ Attack contest! So, I’ve written about bad boys and black sheep. Two of those black sheep are sporting black t-shirts on their covers….but they’re not the only men in black I’ve had on my covers before. Your mission? Name another book with a hero in a black t-shirt on the cover. Send your entries to donna@donnakauffman.com with Men in Black in the subject line. I’ll pick one winner from the correct entries and announce it on Friday. Winner gets a free book from my website bookshelf!

Happy hunting!

Okay…so on with a little Monday MAC….

Did anyone watch Big Give? I thought it was a wonderful episode, with the team working together to make two people’s dyng wishes come true. Both wishes were granted big time and it was definitely a Kleenex episode. Still, someone had to go home. Show of hands how many people were worried that Raye had sent yet another one of her partner’s packing? I didn’t realize until Brandi pointed it out that every one of Raye’s partners had been booted off. Hello, judges? Pay attention. I’ve hated her Diva Whitney attitude since day one, and, to be real honest, I don’t think she’s done the best by her give-ees as she could have, but she sure feels she’s like one of god’s angels when she’d handing out the cash and wants the receiver to notice this, too.

Last night really topped the cake with me. She did, too, insert herself into Emily’s dying wish, then got all drama queen and StILL made it all about her when she made sure they didn’t want her to back out (like…how could they, here is this person who is in charge of giving their mother her dream, what are they going to say?) I was all on the Stephen Train this time, and felt the same disgust he did. But, with the judges in the end, it seemed all over again that she was going to walk unscathed and Stephen would be let go because he had the audacity to challenge her (and, not to pull the race card, but I think Raye pulls it every time she can, to further her own interests in the game, whenever she happens to be paired up with a sister on a task and even with Malaak, the judge, who was her champion last night, too. But God forbid anyone go there. Can you imagine major fireworks?)

And, what bothered me was Tony being all sanctimonious about even when there is dissent, you have to pull together, and yet, that’s exactly what they did. They did deliver this task in a spectacular way. So I’m not sure what the hell else he wanted here. Other than for Stephen to just swallow his annoyance and pretend all was well, which…why should he? They got the task done, and done beautifully — despite Raye’s constant interference and drama segments. Which kind of tells me they did rise above. I was so hoping for a judges table smack down of Raye, and I was disappointed when it seemed that, despite the other three making noise about her being the center of the problem, the judges were making it look like they didn’t get why everyone was picking on poor Raye. Yeah…that didn’t go well with me.

So, I was nervous when they opened the envelopes, but FINALLY, the judges realized what a disruptive influence she is (I mean, all three remaining players commented on their problems with her not just Stephen, but they were editing it to look like, once again it was going to be all poor, misunderstood Raye, who works so tirelessly for those in need…..) Right. Raye likes being in the spotlight and having the glory of being the one granting these good wishes. Whereas Stephen, Cameron, and Brandi just get the job done without ever making it about them, or wanting everyone to notice the halo glowing over their head as they hand out the cash. Especially Brandi, who, arguably as a beauty pageant winner, you’d thnk would be the Raye of the group, always wanting the spotlight, but has instead used her looks and background totally as a tool to get more done in any task she’s on….whoda thunk I’d like her, but I loved her with those kids last night….

All in all, I’ve wanted Stephen for the win, but I’d be happy with Cameron, or, surprisingly, Brandi for the win either. So the finale will be fun to watch, regardless.

What did you think? Who do you want to see get surprised by Oprah with the one mill?

And tonight? We dance! Tomorrow? More MAC.

Good luck with this week’s contest!

Tags: Writing by Donna
4 Comments »

She can be a real bitch sometimes…

So, wow. You’ve got almost the whole show focused on the team where it is four to one, favorites vs fans. And they lose the immunity challenge. Again. What are the odds it’s a favorite going home? Pretty much zilch. Unless you’re puppy dog cute Erik, and back-stabbing Ami. And, in a pretty well-designed blind-side on Erik’s part….Ami gets booted by her own people. Mostly I just loved Cirie’s one-on-one confessionals as she tried to figure out who she could trust the least. She does get this game. I enjoy watching her. So, way to go Puppy Boy. Sorry, Ami, but after your season on Vanuatu, and what you did to Twila? Honestly? I was happy to see ya go this time, big, sloppy crocodile tears and all.

This also changed up this week’s SHaQ Attack contest quiiiiiite a bit! In all the piles of entries, only three of you voted Favorite over Fan for this week’s contest challenge. So, in the spirit of why the heck not, all three of you get an advance copy this week of The Black Sheep & The English Rose. So, congratulations Susan C, Marie E, and Carolyn A!! Woo hoo!!!

For all of you waiting on your books…a big stack is going out Monday. Hope you all enjoy your prizes!!

I hope everyone has a fabulous spring weekend. I get to spend 10 hours tomorrow learning book-binding from an international guru in the ancient craft, so I’m very excited about that. Check back in on Monday for a new SHaQ Attack contest!! Happy Spring, y’all!

Tags: Writing by Donna
6 Comments »

American Idol….So, America puts Brooke in the bottom three? Go Big A. Kristy Lee in the bottom three. Again. The heck with her little hand drawn sign. They should just make a permanent name plate for her stool. Ramiele also in the bottom three. Finally. And….she departs. She’s a wee cutie, but this has definitely been coming. I was only surprised it was Brooke rather than Syesha on the Silver Stools Of Death tonight. Although, it’s nice to know I’m not alone with not feeling the connection to Brooke. And, ultimately, I think the guys have it this year, so an all girl bottom three also seems to be heading this season in the right direction.

Now…when it comes to food? Mmmmmm. Top Chef.
Why, why am I being forced to say something nice about Spike? But, I liked how he handled the one couple in the competition respectfully, saying he thought they were a good partnership, but felt they were also somewhat of a threat in terms of having each other to lean/rely on. Well said. Shocking that you were the one to say it, but well said.

Quickfire - world famous French chef, Daniel Boulud, is the guest judge, and they have to prepare something classic with vegetables showing off their knife skills and presentation is everything. Everyone is a bit intimidated, especially those with no formal training. Interesting, also, to hear that both Richard and Ryan have worked at one of Boulud’s restaurants, but he assures us it won’t affect his judging. Right-o. Because if they no longer work for you, it’s because you loved their food. And, as it can’t be said often enough, shut up, Insufferable Richard. He’s one of Boulud’s top three, but Dale rightfully wins. Very interesting and pretty presentation.

Elimination Challenge - they have to prepare a 6 course meal for film critic’ Richard Roeper’s dinner party for actress Aisha Tyler, and as a Quickfire winner, Dale gets to pick what pair of chefs to work with, so he chooses Andrew and Richard, feeling they are the most aggressive, creative chefs, which he feels is his arena as well. I agree with this. Andrew, of course, does not. Mercifully, we go to commercial as a nice stall before having to hear anything more from Richard. Oh, and their dish/course has to be inspired by a famous movie. Sweet.

The movies ranged from Willy Wonka and Top Secret (no, not kidding) to Il Postino and The Christmas Story. Team Willy (Richard/Andrew/Dale) and Team Top Secret (Stephanie/Lisa) were the top two. Richard pulls out the win. Hopefully he won’t be even more insufferable with it. Right. Fat chance of that happening. Bottom duo was Spike/Manuel (Good Morning Vietnam) and Zoi/Antonia (Talk To Her) with Manuel going home. He hasn’t been showing well as yet, so this wasn’t a surprise. Right choice.

Interesting season, and so far, everyone is making a classy exit. Possibly due to the higher, more experienced professionalism involved with chef selection this season. For me, I’m enjoying that, so far, it’s mostly really about the food, and not about the drama/personal story. Good choice, producers. And then they go and show the previews for next week and I take ALL of that back! Sheesh.

Last chance to enter this week’s SHaQ Attack contest to win an advance copy of my August book, The Black Sheep & The English Rose. See Monday’s post for details!

Tags: Writing by Donna
2 Comments »