It’s Motown Week on Dancing With the Stars, featuring The Temptations, Martha Reeves, and Smokey Robinson…LIIIIIVE!

I loved this week’s competition. Everyone had a good week, the music was good, and the dances memorable. The only part that seemed a bit out of step was the elevated crankiness of the judges. (Talk about buzz kill!) It was such a feel good night, so, maybe it’s just me, but given how generous they’ve been this season, this didn’t seem to be the night to swing the hammer so hard. Some of the scoring was generous, but some was harsh. The critiques fell far more in the buzz kill range than the lavish praise range. Both Carrie Ann and Len annoyed the crap out of me. (You know it’s a weird night when you’re connecting most with Bruno!) Fortunately, the crowd was just as excited by the evening and the live performances as I was, so they more or less drowned out the judges. I found myself wishing we could just skip their commentary all together and go with the vibe of the crowd after each dance, a few comments from Tom, then move on!

About the live entertainment… Still not feeling The Troupe. I mean, come on, didn’t you love it a million times more when it was Val and Anna dancing to Smokey instead of….whatever their names are? Me too!! Seriously show, get rid of them, give the booted off pros the work instead! As for the Motown Sounds…everyone was so excited to have the groups on the show, none so much as Gladys herself. It was a great way to kick off the show, with her and Tristan - though, Tristan, I know you were channeling your 60’s Pat Boone with the white bucks and all, but there was something seriously eww about you swiveling your hips in that purple outfit. Just…all kinds of wrong. And really distracting. Just me? Alrighty then.

I thought Martha was a total hoot. And didn’t you just have this sense that she was about one step away from crazy town the whole night? You could tell she had no plans to stick with the program and was going to sing whatever the hell she wanted, however the hell she wanted, and good luck band — and dancers! — with keeping up with her. It was both funny and a little alarming! I was worried for the dancers who had her during the judging performances, so was relieved when they gave her heavy back up singing to pretty much force her to stay on track. The whole thing was kind of hilarious.

Smokey Robinson….was he in fine voice or what? Deep, appreciative sigh. I could listen to that man sing all night. And I did. Happily so, every time. But…what was up with his eyes? He was like deer in headlights all night….did he have some kind of work done? I’ve always thought his eyes were really sexy, so that was kind of scary-weird, but whatever was happening to his face didn’t impact that voice at all. Loved, loved him.

Also loved? The Temptations. Their intro song was delivered a little shaky, but once they got going in the night, I loved every performance. Loved the outfits, the choreo, all of it. Brought back so many memories with those songs.

Okay, so show of hands on who thought the Motown Experience quartet, Human Nature, who took us in and out of commercials was like the funniest thing ever to watch? ME! Sure, they could sing, but oh.my.god they’re bringing the Motown Sound back? They’re like the four whitest guys on the planet. The Beach Boys Experience maybe. Or Lawrence Welk. But Motown? Those guys? Ahahahahahahaha. I’m sorry, but I laughed my butt off every time they were on. I thought they sang great, but…..that was pretty darn funny. And you just know it was killing Tom, killing him, not to make snarky comments. But it definitely added to the fun of the show and the overall vibe.

The performances…. So, we get each pair doing their weekly dance, mostly doing either fox trot or rumba but with a cha cha, Viennese waltz and samba thrown in for good measure, and then it’s Marathon Night, which was perfect for Motown Week really. I thought the costuming last night was some of the most playful and fun of the season. Everyone, except Tristan’s Lilac Leprechaun outfit, looked good. Of course, Mark had to break out the spats again, and he’s back with the whole hat thing, because Motown = perfect opportunity to Ham It Up, which he did, but it was so much fun I didn’t mind so much really. Plus, Katherine was great.

Click the links before each commentary to see their dances!

Gladys & Tristan

Okay…so we kicked the night off with Gladys and Tristan, and other than averting my eyes from Tristan’s odd lilac covered hip swivels, I really thought Gladys did a great job with their rumba. I was kind of surprised, given it’s more or less her night, that the judges even went there and critiqued. Just say nice things to the legend and shut up, okay? Score her appropriately, but she doesn’t need the critiques. So that was almost kind of jarring, especially when, for her, I thought she did great. We all know she’s bottom of the totem pole on who’s left, talent wise, we don’t need you being mean to the nice lady, mkay? Score: 21

Maria & Derek

Maria and Derek had a fox trot, and it was a little awkward with her dress stumble right at the top, but it was fun and upbeat, loved the music, so it felt good. Not their best performance by a long shot, but still very enjoyable to watch. The crowd loved them, they’re a cute couple, and Maria’s dress was all floaty and sparkly and beautiful….so all was good and joyous in the ballroom world. Then the judges rain all over their parade and honestly, it’s Motown Week…..lighten UP! Score: 26

Roshon & Chelsie

Roshon and Chelsie…okay, so I thought Roshon did a really great job bringing the heat and he did a good job with a challenging rumba. What was really awkward was the total overkill with which Chelsie was selling her moves. Syncopation, the judges called it, and like them, I didn’t care for it, either. She usually has great instincts, so I didn’t get why she was doing that, because it did really ruin a dance which, had she been more fluid, given the actual choreo, would have been great bordering on hot. So…to my mind, it was Chelsie’s problem, but the judges came down all over Roshon, who, I thought, danced it really, really well. The crowd went completely nuts over it, and should have. Despite her kind of jarring moves, it really was great. So…he gets the same score as Gladys, Carrie Ann? REALLY? I thought everything about their critiques were way too harsh and really killed the kid when he didn’t deserve it. And this was when I thought the whole evening was going to be ruined by the judges. So much great energy during the performances, all but killed by them immediately afterward. Truly a shame. Score: 23

Katherine & Mark

Katherine and Mark were totally hamming it up with their samba, but in a really good way. I loved Katherine’s bee hive 60’s hair do and sparkly dress and they both had such a good time out there. And, thank goodness, they got the judges out of their funk as well. Score: 29 and totally well earned.

Donald & Peta

Donald and Peta looked wonderful in their fox trot, and Donald had worked so, so hard this week to elevate his game. He was critically underscored by Len last week, so when Len starts off his commentary with what sounds like a negative, you can see that the crowd has had about enough of him, just as I have, so they were booing so loudly they couldn’t hear that he was doing that fake out thing where it sounds like he’s not happy, but he loved it. See, Len? You cry wolf too many times…. Anyway - I was thrilled that he loved it, and Donald was even more so. Score:27. And, had they not had that little stumble there near the end, might have gotten his perfect 30.

Melissa & Maks

Melissa and Maks. I thought Melissa looked really beautiful in her green gown. They did an okay job with their waltz, but you can see now where, comparatively speaking, she’s skewing more middle to bottom of the remaining players in terms of weekly improvement. I’d rank her down closer to the bottom, certainly below Roshon, and her scores do reflect that. At least they were kind to her, even as they still critiqued her dance, which…..see, judges? That’s all I was asking. You could have been like that with every team this week. Play nice. Scores: 24 Which just makes Roshon’s 23 all the more a travesty.

Jaleel&Kym

Jaleel and Kym were On. It. this week. I adored Kym’s little Cinderella poof dress and Jaleel was all suave smoothness. My favorite dance of the night. The judges loved it, too. Score:
29

Cheryl & William

And, last up…oh my…mymymymy. Cheryl and William with a rumba that was literally sex on a stick. I thought the rehearsal footage with everyone rushing to their rehearsal room when smoke started to fill the hallway, only to find it was the “smoke” being generated by their dance was pretty funny. And…gulp….oh my, they did bring the smoke, and the heat, and the….can I get a fan in here? Some more ice in my drink? Because that? Was just as hot as last week, but in a whole new way. Now, of course, the judges went back to cranky town and I think I speak for every one of us when I say oh please just SHUT UP and let us wallow in the afterglow, will ya? Because we were all smiling and needing a smoke after that performance and nuthin’ they were gonna say was going to kill that mood. Scores: a very steamy 27.

So…other than judging crankypants, a really, really wonderful performance week. And? We still get the Motown Marathon dance! It was like an embarrassment of riches.

Motown Marathon!

Everyone came out in super cute little sparkly dresses and handsome, if a bit bright, outfits, and….I don’t know about you, but this was, by far, the most talented marathon night ever, that I could recall. I didn’t agree with the order the judges sent them off the floor, but, to be honest, I don’t even know how they picked at all, everyone was doing so well. It was just fun to watch. In the end, it came down to Katherine and Mark, who weren’t doing anything flashy, but staying consistently in tight, sharp hold, so….okay. But, for every time the camera panned over them…I’d have given it to Kym and Jaleel. (And, though I love me some William, he seemed more into pandering to the crowd–all in fun–than really bringing it, so I didn’t get their second place placement. But, to be fair, the camera wasn’t really on them at all until near the end, so I don’t know what they were doing most of the time, and the pandering part might have been equally designed to let him catch his breath.) Anyway….it was great fun and I don’t know that any of them cared where they scored in the end. It was obvious they all were having a blast. They each points based on when they exited, with first team off getting 3 and last team off getting 10, so the night’s scores got wildly skewed at that point. Will be interesting to see how it might change things up!

The order off was:
Gladys – 3
Maria – 4
Roshon – 5
Melissa – 6
Donald – 7
Jaleel – 8
William – 9
Katherine – 10

So, do the math! Crazy scores all told. Can’t wait for tonight, because, while I think everyone agrees that now it’s time for Gladys to move on, she might have garnered so much joy and goodwill last night from her fans, that she’ll stay around. I don’t see Jaleel falling behind this week given how great they were, so that would leave Roshon out in the cold, which, for this week, I think would be unfair. I think, for me, if not Gladys, then I have Melissa as next to go.

Then it just gets crazy hard after that and anyone could go…or win! I think Katherine and William definitely have the upper hand, but I also think that stellar performances by Donald and Jaleel could, potentially, upset that apple cart. All in all, it’s just great that there is no real front runner, and those who seem to be at the head of the pack aren’t the famous athletes or well known celebs, but two relative (or total) unknowns to us before this competition began. And I really enjoy that!

What say you, Blog Babes? Is it Gladys’ turn to go? Didn’t you want her to take the stage and sing? I did! Do you really think she will go home this week? And…who goes if not her? Who is your favorite? Who do you think wins this thing? Next week? Classical Week, so we go from funky to elegant. And me? I can’t wait!!

Your turn…..so let’s DISH!!

Tags: Writing // 9 Comments »

So, show of hands who thought we had another week or two before things got interesting on Idol Results Night? Yeah, yeah, I know folks thought it was weird when Jessica was in the Bottom 3 and came thisclose to going home, but last night? Last night proved I don’t know a damn thing about how folks are voting.

Now, was I personally upset? No. I’ve said all along he’s Mr. Generic Alt Rock Guy whose voice isn’t distinct enough to carry over into a career. What? Am I talking about Colton? Did he actually go home last night? Why…..yes indeedy! He sure as shootin’ did. I know, right?

I actually thought the same thing as Jimmy, that he had such a firm lock on the tween vote, along with Phil2, that we’d likely see him through to the Final 2, or at least Final 3/4. At least. No matter what he sang.

Well…apparently I was wrong. Apparently a whole lot more of you were just as unimpressed with him as I was. Hunh!

Now, yes, Hollie and Elise both were in the Bottom 3 with him, so America was still keeping it real. And, Elise, honey? Wow, dial it back with “they pick on me more because I’m older and it’s sooooo unfair because I worked so hard and these little neophytes don’t know nuthin’ about no work ethic” entitlement crap. It was bad enough to read a similar statement you made after the performance show about how you’re “more deserving” - your words - than they are. But you actually carried that petulance to the stage last night? Really? Because that’s exactly why we don’t vote for you! That you have the arrogance to think that the only reason the judges pick on you more is because you’re older and not a hot young thang, than perhaps, because….oh, I don’t know…they have more to critique with you? Mebbe? This is not like last year with Haley, where everyone was up in arms about how heavy handed the judges were with their criticism of her, and seemed so blatantly against her no matter how well she sang. Actually…no one is all that upset with them this season where you’re concerned….because we pretty much agree that they have a point! Wow.

And then she STILL didn’t go home. Seriously?

At least Colton has the good grace to apologize for not taking their criticism more to heart, and vowed that he would….as he made his first pile of platinum records. Okay, so he didn’t say that, but it was implied. So maybe there’s a whole lot of entitlement going on.

Pretty much the only thing that made me laugh last night–in a good way–was Phil2 being interviewed backstage after his performance and teased about JLo calling him sexy. He as all southern twangy sayin, “I should call her up. Your daddy let you date?” That? Was hilarious. You know, I love that he carries on the HeeJun love with Ryan every single week, still teasing him on stage at the end, the way he and HeeJun did every week when they were both on the show. So, while I’m not a huge fan of this overly-strained style of singing, I am a fan of him personally and I want him to succeed. So…you go, Phil2. You go, man!

The other laugh came from Jimmy just now realizing that, oh, I dunno, maybe with all the teenyboppers they have singing this year, they should sing something more relevant to their age. He seems to think this is only a problem with Jessica. But, hellooo! Hollie, too, dude. And, for that matter, throw Joshua in there, too. Sure, his old gospel soul can sell anything, but, at the same time, we do need to see that he can do something relevant to his age group, too–even at the grand old age of 20 now.

I have no idea what they’re singing next week, but please Nigel, let them just frakking sing regular, current, stuff.

And? That’s all I got. Weirdest. Season. Ever. Skylar? Hang in there, baby, because you’re the only one left to give Phii2 a run…and it should at least look like a contest, right?

Okay, so let’s give away stuff! Free Stuff Friday contest was going on this week, and a whole lot of you thought you should win the free book, but, alas, only one of you did! And that lucky, happening Blog Babe is? Aretha Z!! Aretha, scope out my website bookshelf and send me a few title choices (in case I’m out of your first choice) and an address and I’ll add your prize to the stack going out this week!

And now? DISH! Were you surprised? Who do you see going to the Final 2? Who’s your favorite??

Tags: Writing // 3 Comments »

It’s Top 7 Deja Vu Week on American Idol. Haven’t we been here before? Ryan doesn’t mention if we’re sending one or two home this week, since no one went home last week… But he does tell us that everyone is singing twice and they get to sing songs we know! Songs from Right Now. Yippee! Also? No mentor except for Jimmy, so that was kind of odd…

We start off with Hollie who sings Rolling In the Deep, and for once, she really does relax and cut loose. For such a huge song that’s been done to death and back, she opens soft then builds and it works really nicely. I think this is, by far, her best performance of the season. She’s feeling it, and for once she doens’t look like deer in headlights. Judges? Agree!

Colton is next with Gaga. He puts on quite a show, but honestly, it really didn’t do anything for me. His fans will love it. Don’t get me wrong, the guy can sing, and he stays right in his sweet spot every week. He’s consistent, which is key. But, I’ll say it again…he’s somewhat Generic Rocker. Beyond this show and being on this kind of huge live stage every week, would he have the chops to pull in an audience that would keep tuning in to his brand of music for years to come? I just don’t see it… Judges love, of course.

Elise is next, and Jimmy cracks me up by saying she has a vacation home in the Bottom 3. Snerf! She’s singing No One by Alicia Keys. Jimmy doesn’t get why someone with her fabulous pipes doesn’t have a following, and says she’s being judged week to week. Well, Jimmy…those of us who don’t care for her, don’t vote for her because she rubs us the wrong way with the whole hangdog face and kind of off putting personality. She goes week to week because someone keeps getting lower votes than her, not because the love is off an on. Seriously, in this whole series, the only song I remember her singing is Zepplin. I couldn’t name any others. Well, that’s not true. I remember her duet w/ Phlil2 to Gotye. But that’s because of Phil. And because I have a thing for Gotye. So…we’ll see what happens this week. But if 2 go home? I don’t see how on earth she can survive. And I’m okay with that. She sings and she does a fine job of it. I think I also realize that, for me, there’s a tone to her voice that doesn’t sink in well with me. It’s a bit rough/abrasive - which I know is the whole rocker thign with her. But I think about how beautifully Alicia sings this song and the melodic tone to her voice (Alicia’s) suits my ear better. It’s just a flavor thing, everyone has their key and pitch that sounds good to the ear. Elise just doesn’t to me. (I am sorry about her dog though. That’s always hard.) Judges love it, love her…but I still say she’s in jeopardy unless someone else completely falls apart.

Phil2 is up next. And he’s singing Usher’s You Got it Bad. No, really. That kind of threw me, but I’m definitely interested to see what he does with it. And I should mention also that I’m really on board with Jimmy’s comments this week, both his pointers to the kids, and his breakdown of where he thinks they stand at this point and what they need to do to stay in it. Jimmy was like me, kind of ambivalent of about the song choice, but said that given how well he’s doing, he should just trust his instincts. So Jimmy trusts him, gives it a listen, and really ends up liking it. So…now lets find out if we do, too! Okay…so here we go! So…yeah. Hmm. It’s kind of oddly sharp note-wise, and while I appreciate where he’s taking it, it doesn’t work for me. I like the body of the song better than the refrains–and I loved the sax!–but ultimately, I don’t think it works for me with his voice. I’d love to hear this exact arrangement, sax and all, with a smoother alt singer (a la Adam Levine-esque), keep the sax, all the rest, and I think I’d download it in a heartbeat. The judges give him a Standing O, and from the standpoint of taking big chances at this stage, I can see that. It just wasn’t for me. (What kills me is that Randy gushes on and on about how cool it is to have an original artist on stage and I’m like….You mean like Adam Lambert? Yeah. Where was the praise then? I loved what he did every week, waited to see what he did…. Not so much with any contestant this season.)

Jessica is up next and she chooses Falling by Alicia Keys. Now, we all know she can sing the crap out of this song, no doubt. But…it’s so overplayed and since Jessica’s problem is killing the song, but not connecting to it personally, and therefore not with us personally….I’m not thinking this is her way in. But what do I know? Because, when she starts singing, I’m really liking it. I liked how they softened up her hair (Everyone is styled really well so far this week, btw. And no Hilfiger Fashion Moment to open the show. A connection? Hmm….) Maybe this big ol diva song is just what she does best and if we’re gonna like her, this is pretty much the only way to do it. Hmm… But, as she keeps going, she loses me a little bit. She just needed to sing it, not grind it. For me. So, yeah. I don’ t know. I will say that, basically, if this doesn’t keep her in, then nothing will. It’s what she does. And, that could very well still be the case. We’ll see! Judges love love. No surprises there.

Now we get Skylar with Gaga’s Born This Way, country version. Which I think is cool. As with Colton, she starts a bit low, because the range goes up so much during the song, she kind of has to. So a little off putting just at the beginning, but once she rolls into it, it does well. I wish there was more meat to this song for her, but it’s really perfectly in her wheelhouse and I love the country slant to it (and I’m not otherwise a country music listener really) - so, good job, you, Miss Skylar! She hasn’t been a frontrunner for me, but it’s nice to see her settling into a nice fan base that will hopefully keep her going a while longer. Judges - love it! Speaking of the judges, they’re really buzzing tonight and looking like they’re having a great time. Gee, you think it’s because Nigel is having the kids sing stuff that we actually listen to today (or might want to listen to) that came from sometime in the kid’s own generation? Mebbe. Just sayin!

Joshua is singing Fantasia and…it’s a good fit for him. I just don’t know if it will jerk folks out of their ennui with him. We’ll see. Judges love. Standing O love. I don;t know if I’d have done the Big O, but…okay. I have to admit, as a whole, the kids are doing really well. No real gaffes so far.

At the end of Round 1, I don’t know that anyone really had that Big Stand Out Moment for me. I think Phil2′s arrangement choice was interesting, and that’s memorable, but no one really came out and laid down that defining song I’ll remember them singing tomorrow. Or next week. Yet.

On to Round 2. And we’re celebrating the spirit of Soul Train. Now, I loved that show. Watched it for years. It was the cooler, hipper, more badass version of Bandstand. Of course, we’re once again dragging these kids into an era that has nothing to do with them, or current music (I know, as an inspiration, yes, but you know what I mean…) So….whatevs. I’ll love the songs, but not sure it’s going to do anything to help the kids. Don Cornelius’ son Tony is in the audience, so that’s cool. I can’t help thinking though that it might have been smarter to open the show with these songs and performances, and ended it with the current stuff.

Hollie starts us off in a super cute pink dress. She gets a round of love ya from Liverpool Football Club, which makes her blush. She’s singing Son of a Preacher Man. So it’s then kind of funny she’s wearing a Gidget pink dress. Just…incongruous. And, yep, it’s kind of what I thought. She sings it just fine. But it’s like a halftime Up With People performance. Entertaining in the way nicely sung songs are, but there’s nothing remotely relevant about it for us, and definitely not for her. We don’t need to test these kids to see if they can sing different kinds of songs. We know perfectly well they’re all capable of singing anything. Talent is talent. What we want is to hear them singing the kinds of songs they’ll go on to record. I don’t think Son of a Preacher Man has the least bit to do with that. And, unless one of them proves me wrong, I’m thinking I’m going to just cut and paste this paragraph six more times, changing the names and songs. Judges - they think this was better. Really? She sang well, and yes, she was relaxed again, so it was nice to see her prove she’s gotten over the deer in headlights for reals.

Colton is singing Do You Remember by Earth, Wind & Fire and….wow. Not in a good way. Okay, so, I give him big props for trying to get out of this meaningless song by alting it up and making it something that’s trying to be current. But….dude. I came from that era and that song was awesome and soulful and get UP on your feet and move, and so that? Was just a travesty of a trainwreck for me. Props for trying to change it up and make it yours, but just….NO. In big fat CAPS. Not that he should have done the soul version. That’s not him. What I’m sayin’ is pick a different song, dude. Yikes. Crowd response is, for him, lukewarm at best. Judges… thank God, agree with me.

Elise is up next with Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On. And, once again, nice fashion styling tonight. But…do I have to listen to her sing this? Because….ewwww. Icky icky ewww. Read the first paragraph of this round. Lather, rinse, repeat. This show, that started off so meaningful, with every single performer doing a great job, has now consistently gone right down the tubes in this round. See, Nigel? Now cut it out! Because these are great songs and this is not the way to honor them. Let kids dance to them on So You Think You Can Dance...but stop making them sing them. I beg you. This doesn’t do anything that stands by these kids and what they’re trying to do. It just leaves the judges to point that exact thing out, so it’s a buzz kill all around and an unnecessary crush on these kids who are plain exhausted by now. Because it’s not their fault, but they take the hit. So….stop it. Judges explain that she holds in her real heart and doesn’t connect and over sings and yadda yadda zzzz. But right on. What’s clear is that Elise doesn’t see herself how we do. She gets what they’re saying intellectually, but she doesn’t get it in her gut. And that’s why she doesn’t connect with her gut. Just sayin.

Phil2 hits us up with In the Midnight Hour, and he Phil’s it right up and it’s all PhilipPhillipsy and at least it’s up tempo and grooooovy…but did it do anything for him? Eh, whatever. I’m over being the broken record. Judges gush, and we move on.

NowJessica is up with Try a Little Tenderness. I don’t love it. It’s too much stop-screamin’-at-me and not enough be-nice-to-listen to. But girl grinds it. I’ll give her that. Judges love her going for it.

Skylar is the one who has a chance to do something with this that might work, because the soul in country and parallel the soul in soul. So, what does she pick? I Heard It Through The Grapevine. And, I find myself wishing she’d country-flavored it up more than just adding the fiddle. She does sell it, but I don’t know. Can we go back to Round 1? I mean, be honest….has this round done ANYthing for you? For them? Judges : Randy does make one point, and that’s that Phil2 and Skylar are the most connected to the performance side and just being who they are with ease.

Last up is Joshua…and if this boy can’t sing Soul Train, then…yeah. So, he’s got Sam Cooke’s A Change is Gonna Come. Now. we all know Joshua is Revival Boy with his voice, so no doubt he’ll just sing the livin’ guts out of this. And…he does. But he always does. One real credit to him is underplaying the opening, shockingly almost too much. But this was written for him. And I appreciated it. You know what I really really loved about tonight? The music - the orchestra, the brass, all of that. Really nice back up tonight on that score. Well done there. That I enjoyed a great deal. Judges give Joshua a Standing O….again. Nuff said.

You know…I think maybe I shouldn’t recap this show at this point. I don’t have anyone I’m rooting for. I don’t have anyone I’m excited about, or wonder with anticipation what they’re going to do this week. (See again: Adam Lambert.) So I know I sound horribly unthrilled. Because…well…I am. And I’m not really into being Buzz Kill Girl. Is it just me? Are you pumped? Are you into the finalists? Are you downloading music this season, and listening it to it for days/weeks, have them in heavy playlist rotation? Because I haven’t downloaded a single one. First season in a very long time. Which is odd, because these are arguably the most talented batch ever. So….what’s up with that?

Well…you tell me, Blog Babes! How you feelin’ about all this? Lovin it? Not so much? Who goes home this week? I really don’t know. I think it’s totally down to the long time faves now. They’re not doing anything to lose votes, so the ones who are running behind them can’t really catch up. It could be any of them except Phil or Joshua, because I think they have their votes locked in with this many others still left. Maybe Skylar does, too, at this point. But Elise, Jessica, Hollie, Joshua….you’re in the other half so any of you is vulnerable, i think. My feeling is it’s finally Elise’s turn to head out. If two go…well, it will be one of those other three.

What say you? Your turn now to DISH!

Tags: Writing // 1 Comment »

It’s Results Night on Dancing With the Stars!

First up–well, okay, before we get to first up, should we discuss Brooke’s drunken hair bun? No? Alrighty then! So, first order of business is Len telling us who got the encore. Now, obviously, with two Argentine Tango’s tied for first and one for second, it’s gonna be an Argentine Tango, right? Because who doesn’t want more of this…..

Well, not Len, apparently.

I had my super-sized fan ready, my properly chilled and fruity umbrella drink…aaaand they give it to Derek & Maria. I’m so not kidding.

Now, sure, their salsa was a cute routine and all, but it was overscored the first time. And it didn’t make me reach for my fan or my drink last time. I only reached for it this time to drown my sorrows. I was really stunned they got the repeat. Sure, sure, when they got to the smooch part, they surprised the judges by running over and Derek kissed Carrie Ann instead, so Maria ran over and planted one on Bruno. And, okay, it was cute. But it doesn’t make up for no tango encore! I noticed Len was left out of all the smooching. Well…he made us watch their salsa again instead of one of those sizzling tangos, so no love for you from me, either, Mister! I get that William’s ankle is hurt, so that probably left him out of the deal, which….more’s the pity for all of us. But why not Katherine & Mark? Or Peta & Donald? Color me disappointed. And sadly underheated.

But there is a Dance Duel tonight! So I will persevere.

First results go to Derek/Maria, Maks/Melissa & Gladys/Tristan:

Derek/Maria are safe…no surprise there! And since Tom isn’t saying anything about tonight being dangerous or surprising, I’m thinking Maks/Melissa are safe……and they are! So…awwww….you can’t have Gladys in jeopardy with Motown Week in the offing…. (Of course, since the judges pick who goes, Gavin? Dude. I’m so sorry…. But I’d have to go with Gladys, too…just for one more week, at least!) And? NO! They’re safe! Which makes me very, very happy….except! Holy Ballroom Batman! Who IS in jeopardy?

I’m thinking it’s gotta be Gavin now…along with Jaleel and….I dunno! Melissa and Gladys were my next in lines. Oh Tom. And here you didn’t prime the fear pump! You should have! I’d have made more umbrella drinks to, you know, prepare myself. Yes, that’s totally why! Well, I should make some more right now then. Be right back…

Ahhh. Refreshed. So….I’m thinking, maybe it’s just Bottom 2 given the Dance Duel, and that’s all who will be in jeopardy. Len promises us it won’t be about favorites but strictly on who dances the best to save themselves. Well…we’ll just see about that! (Again, though, Gavin? I really do love you, man. So sorry.)

Up next? Wait. First, can I just say I’m already missing Santana? I mean, we got KISS both nights, I was kinda hoping for a killer opening routine with Santana and the pros. Pout!! Instead we get Train. Yes, the group who gave us one of the most overplayed songs in history: Drops of Jupiter. Which never met a singer, commercial, or politician it didn’t like. And, yes, I liked, but then…no. It really must be stopped. At least for a period of say…five years. Then it can come back as a fondly remembered oldie. It’s worth mentioning here it has not been five years. Fortunately, someone must have told them about my new rule, as, instead, they are going to sing something from their new album, California 37, which hit the stands today! I drink a toast to this! And, also because I am still bummed. No tango. No Santana. How much can one viewer be expected to bear, i ask you? (Plus? This new song is no Jupiter. Just sayin.)

However, much is forgiven because…Louis! (I love love his choreography!) Ultimately, I’m happy because it’s unlikely this song will infiltrate all of humanity. So there is that. Also…was I the only one who didn’t realize that was Cheryl dancing with Louis? I thought it was one of The Troupe, who are all just a blur to me. So…I had to go back and look. Hunh!

The next trio up for results are with Brooke of the Drunken Bun: William and the very quickly changed Cheryl, Gavin/Karina, and Roshon/Chelsie. Brooke proceeds to ask them all deeply insightful and truly illuminating questions that have each and every one of us riveted to the screen with her delightfully witty quips and sassy retorts and…okay, so we all know that’s totally not true. Not any of it. I jest. And drink some more. Perhaps I will end up listing before this is over….much like Brooke’s hair. But…I digress.

It’s Macy’s Stars of Dance! It’s Latin Dance Extravaganza! With Sheila E! Things are looking up. Kind of. The opening was kind of oddly martial arts meets tribal dance. It didn’t look Latin to me. Just because you put fringe on it don’t make it Latin, chicas! Then the band kicks in and sleeveless men show up and I cease to care so much what kind of dance it is. (Is it me, though, or is the chick with the huge headdress kind of oddly bowlegged or….something? It’s weird.) But…Sheila was hot!

More results! Except, no. Another performance. Really? And it’s still NOT Santana? REALLY??? No, we get Selena Gomez. You’ll just have to pardon me, but if none of our pros hit the dance floor in the next thirty seconds, I’m just FF’ing through this. Aaand, poo. The Troupe shows up. Wearing weirdly flat shoes and stomping a lot. I’m out.

Now results? Yes! But it’s not the gang that was with Brooke. No, it’s Donald/Peta (Still sadly underscored. Len.) Mark/Katherine, and Cheryl/William….excuse me. Fan! Drink! Oh my. My…mymymymy. Why yes, just as good the second time around. And the twenty-second. Not that I rewound it. Much. Or often. Whew! (Love how sincerely excited the rest of the contestants were for them, too.)

Tom? Bring good news. Just sayin! (Hey…you know, in addition to the drunken bun, I’m just noticing there’s a drunken boob going on, too. Brooke, honey, straighten up the girls! And the hair!) William/Cheryl are safe! And no one is more relieved than a still sore William. I hope he can recover for next week, because…yeah, I want to see him dance Motown, are you kidding me? Katherine/Mark? Also safe! Donald/Peta? They are safe!

Gavin and Jaleel? Ruh roh. Just sayin!

But first, Tom tells us that a slate of pros are going to each coach a pair of young ballroom dancers who will battle it out on www.abc.com with episodes airing online, starting tonight…and the finals on the show May 1. Wow! I’m so psyched about this!! That could be fun! But mostly, HI TONY!! I’m so glad he’s back on my tv. So, going head to head: Team Karina v Team Cheryl, Team Lacey v Team Tony, Team Mark v Team Louis. I’m SO in! (I want this to be a whole separate show, don’t you??) Ballroom Battle!

Now we find out who is in the Dance Duel! Two of the following three: Gavin/Karina, Jaleel/Kym or Roshon/Chelsie. Who’s dueling? It’s as predicted! So, Gavin & Jaleel will be dancing at the same time in front of the judges. Here we go!

So, perhaps not the most exciting of first duels, if, as Len says it’s all about skill, then no way does Jaleel deserve to go home. They’re dancing cha cha to the same song, same time. I have to say, showing the rehearsal time they put in last night, I am impressed with how seriously and how hard Gavin worked. He jokes about not being good at this, because he’s being realistic, but in no way does that reflect any lack of commitment on his part. So…he gets madd props for putting in the hard work. Maybe harder, even, than the rest.

Wow, they’re all fancied up in black and white fringy outfits, looking sharp! Here we go! Karina and Gavin are kind of all over the place, with Karina doing most of the work. Kym and Jaleel look good, and would look even better if the camera was keeping them in frame more than a third of the time. But, as expected, this is no contest. Still, good on ya, Gavin, for giving it an honest go! And, I have to say, it was still exciting to watch. I can only imagine how it would be for any of the others to duel. Except, perhaps, for Gladys, if you’re talking pure skill alone? Wow. It could get real interesting out there! I don’t know how long they’ll keep the Dance Duel going, but I hope at least until it gets truly crucial! Of course, Gavin is sweet and adorable and charming on his exit and I still feel bad, even though we all knew it was coming, most of all him. I’m glad he lasted as long as he did!

Next week? Motown! With the dancers performing to live music sung by Motown faves! Guests include Smokey Robinson, Martha Reeves, & The Temptations! Tomorrow night? American Idol Top 7. Again! And, because no one left last week, I’m guessing two go this week, so it’s gonna be extra interesting! Well. I hope.

Don’t forget to enter this week’s Free Stuff Friday Contest! Here’s the details: Winner gets a book from my website bookshelf! Just send an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with “The Good Wife…pfft! I want a Good Book!” in the subject line. (And please at least a first name in the body of the email, as I don’t want to use an email address to announce the winner.) Winner announced in Friday’s blog! Good luck!

I’m off to watch the first Ballroom Battle online! It’s Cheryl v Karina this week! Woot! DISH!!

Tags: Writing // 6 Comments »

Wow.

More photos tomorrow as they become available…but here are my thoughts after watching tonight!

From the opening with legend Carlos Santana burning up the stage, through 9 interesting, exciting, and sometimes downright steaming performances, it was one Latinpalooza of a night. Whew! I need a moment to collect myself. Okay….I need another moment. (Seriously, the Argentine tango with William? I may need a whole slew of moments. Hell, I may never recover. And I won’t even care.)

So, okay, when they first open, I genuflect for a moment over just how incredibly brilliant Carlos Santana is, and how everything he plays, no matter how many times I’ve heard it, sounds just as awesomely excellent and wonderful as the first time. Seriously. A master. Loved every single note of every performance of his tonight. To the point that, for the first time, ever, I actually enjoyed the The Troupe dancing while he played. Yes, he’s that transformative. Because, that was heretofore essentially a mission impossible.

Then we’re introduced to Tom and Brooke, who is channeling some kind of Tarzan’s Jane Meets the Addams Family’s Morticia in ways that weren’t necessarily a good idea. We shift over to the stars and pros coming down the stairs, led by Maria of the Million Busted Body Parts…and she’s sporting a headdress that would make a Vegas showgirl weep with envy. All I could of was, “Right. The best thing to do for someone with all her injuries is make her balance a ten pound, three foot tall weight on her head while combing down stairs in spike heels. Derek….tsk. Beyond that it was a bountiful fringe factory full of tassels and twinkles bouncing down the stairs, with enough collective spray tan to turn Norway into Cuba. And I liked it!!

Up first with a samba is Jaleel and Kym, who is wearing some kind of fringe that starts over the boobs and winds its way around her torso then down one leg, so she looks like the Creature from the Samba Lagoon. It’s part sexy, but a whole lot of parts distracting. (Seriously, could you look away from it?) That said, I thought they did a really good job with the dance, Jaleel totally brought it, though a bit frantically (to me) at times. But it was fun, lively and a good opening to the show. Of course, having watched the whole show first before blogging this time, I do feel like he might be that surprise (or not) Bottom 2 candidate, as, given how the night played out, they could be easily forgotten. The judges gave him much love at his improvement from last week and he gets a 24. Which…is about right.

Second on the floor is Melissa & Maks with their salsa. I really admire her overcoming the concussion and going onward, gung ho. But, that said, I think that Maks was a bit too ambitious with this routine. Melissa totally threw herself into it, but the problem was it looked, at times, like she was having to fling herself around the floor just to keep up. The judges agreed and give them a 21, which…also fair. Could Melissa be in danger? Quite possible.

Next is Maria & Derek with a salsa, danced mercifully without the showgirl headdress. Now, it was a super fast paced routine and I thought she did a good job, but it had a kind of awkward pace for me. When they did the kiss, which was cute and all, it seemed like rather than build energy, the steam kind of went out of it after that. If felt decently executed but flat and a bit slowed down. Plus, I thought she was ten times sexier in her black stretchy work out pants than she was in that kind of oddly too long fringe skirt…which is weird, because she looked great…and yet, true. Also, Derek. Honey. Did they run out of spray tan? Cuz, I can see that happening this week, but, honestly….no spray tan time = keeping shirt on. Just sayin. Judges think the whole thing was beyond spectacular and just go basically ape for it. Which, completely surprised me. I wonder, if they watch it back later, after the body of work tonight, if they wouldn’t temper that enthusiasm just a wee bit. Or a whole lotta bit. They get crazy overscored 29. It was 27 at best. 26 even.

Then Katherine & Mark come out and do my favorite of dances, the Argentine tango. I thought this was lovely, in a very restrained undercurrent-y kind of way. Mark was blessedly toned down and really spotlighted Katherine, who was simply elegantly poised and beautiful throughout. A somewhat understated Argentine tango, but that feeling of restrained passion was played brilliantly and worked to her refined beauty. They also get 29 , but this time, I heartily approve.

Gavin & Karina are next with samba, which is tough for him, coming after that kind of performance. I don’t honestly think he can hit the high that he did last week, given it’s Latin week and I don’t think he’s got the sexy hips in him. But what I find eternally endearing about him is that he’s completely willing to immerse himself and just go for it, regardless of if his body is going to follow the commands with any sort of finesse. One of the things that struck me about their dance was that, for a guy who, honestly, at the beginning didn’t look like he had any rhythm or any hope of gaining any, Karina has turned him into a true dancer. Not even in the realm of the others in terms of technicality, but he personifies, in many ways what this show is about. Taking someone with no skills and bringing out in them whatever they have to give. And she has certainly done that. They get a 19, which is fair and all….but I still love him. I do think, however, that with the talent out there, he is quite likely in the Bottom 2 and the one to go this week, no matter how adorkable he is.

Can I say that not only am I loving the staging for each dance, it’s added a bit of flavor and fun to the night, but for once, the music selections are actually good! I know! Right on, Stoner Music Dude!!

Now things get H.O.T. hotttttt. Ssssssssssssizzling. It’s William, and Cheryl and Holy Argentine Tango Batman! There is no amount of iced umbrella drinks or fan big enough to ward off the heat that’s about to happen. I’ve followed Cheryl on Twitter for years, so I know this is her favorite dance and that she’s spent time in Argentina simply to indulge her love of it and soak up as much knowledge as she can in how to choreograph it. And boy does that show here. But, and it’s a doozy….what makes this snap, crackle and POP is that William is right. on. the. money. the whole way through. Normally you can see Cheryl guiding her partners through the dance, especially one as tricky as this one. But not this dance. He had her, took her, guided her, and was in total control and my, mymymymy. He can just come right on over here and take me, too, thankyouverymuch. Judges: Carrie Ann says he was like the Cuban tango James Bond and that was it exactly. That open tuxedo shirt, the undone tie around his neck, those hips moving and the way he put his hands on her? Just….whew! And wow. I need more moments again. They score: 29 Earned. Every. Point.

Now, you need time to recover from something like that, and they really balanced this out well, as the next performance is Tristan and Gladys with a samba. I love that he doesn’t go the old lady choreo route with her. For once, the music was up tempo, her dress was stinkin’ adorable (it was, too!), and so was she. All over the place. I love her pizazz and bright, saucy smile and the pure joy she takes in the performance as she’s doing it. Sure, she’s not near the top, or even the middle, in this pack, when it comes to technicality, but I sincerely doubt she’s going anywhere this week, anyway. (Especially when Brooke lets it out that next week is Motown Week! No way she can miss out on that!) Judges give her 22, which is somewhat generous, but you know, I just don’t care!

We’re left now with the final two guys, who topped the leader board last week. First up is Roshon and Chelsea. with a salsa. I loved her little fringy outfit the best tonight. It’s bright cheerful plumage really suited her blonde cuteness. Roshon totally throws himself into this, but what really took it to that adorable level where you just have to vote for him was him trying to emulate William in order to get his inner sexy dude on. To the point of putting a poolside poster of William on the wall. (I would buy one of those Right. Now.) Even more endearing was William laughing is very fine ass off when he spied the poster, but then giving Roshon tips on how to get is inner Rico Suave on. And, you know what? He totally did! I loved their routine. It was fast, challenging, and he was right on top of it, the entire time. I thought it was excellent. I was surprised he didn’t get better scores across the board, (seriously Len?) the 26 wasn’t shabby, but they earned at least 27.

Finally, we get Donald and Peta. Now, I also know that she competed in Argentine tango and is known to be quite good at it. I find myself not liking her personally a whole lot this season, there’s just a hint of mean girl under there or something. No proof, she behaves just fine. It’s just this…feeling. But, I gotta tell ya…THAT my tango loving friends, is the way to do an Argentine tango. Oh. My. God. Now, I know Donald did a fine job of partnering her, especially in those deliciously sinuous and sexy lifts. But, honestly, I can’t judge his performance at all, because I was riveted on hers. Did it change my personal feelings for her? Not really. But my madd respect for her as a dancer went up a handful of notches, that’s for sure. I thought they’d earned a better score than they got, especially from Len. If not a perfect 30, then 28/29. They do get 27, and that was, frankly, just too low.

All in all? Powerhouse night, and immensely entertaining. I loved the Santana moments throughout and listened to every one of them. I follow Louis and Anna and they talked about how tricky their dance was to Santana this week, with furious footwork…and boy they weren’t kidding, were they? Loved that. The time just flew by. One of my favorite nights of the season so far.

And it only gets better tomorrow. Not only do we really have no grasp on who might go and who might stay, we also get the Dance Off tomorrow night! Who will it be? I think Gavin will have a slot there. Maybe, because of performance placement, Jaleel as well. Or Melissa. But….what do I know? Nothing! And that just makes this all the more fun! I do think that if Gavin ends up in the Bottom 2 Dance Off, the judges will go ahead and send him home. And that? Would be fair. So, maybe not all that exciting. Unless! Like last week, he’s not in the Bottom 2. What then!

What say you Dancing Blog Babes?? Who did you love? Who is in jeopardy? Who should go home? Would you tango with William? I know, right? And now I get to go watch The Nathan Fillion Show with the Firefly reunion! Fan girl squee!!! It’s just an embarrassment of riches, really.

If you haven’t entered this week’s Free Stuff Friday contest here are the details: Winner gets a book from my website bookshelf! Just send an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with “The Good Wife…pfft! I want a Good Book!” in the subject line. (And please at least a first name in the body of the email, as I don’t want to use an email address to announce the winner.) Winner announced in Friday’s blog! Good luck!

Now...DISH!!!

Tags: Writing // 5 Comments »

Gooder is too a word!

So, before we talk about another stunning leg in Tanzania on the Amazing Race…let’s talk about the even more ridiculous goodness that was The Good Wife.

Do you know what’s better than Alicia smacking down Mommy Dearest-in-law? Her own son doing the smacking, that’s what. And, because we love to hate on her, how delicious was it that Jackie landed herself in the hospital. Fake stroke, am I right? Just….wow.

Also, how dare they make Chandler Bing the bad guy? And how dare he be so damn good at it! I’d hate it a whole lot except it’s soooo goood! I mean, he’s actually gotten me rooting…for PETER! I know!! What’s up with that??

There was more Kalinda goodness and even a bit of Cary Agos foreshadowing…honestly, the only part I didn’t like? Was that whole thing with Will and the slutty recovering addict attorney. I mean, we’re not supposed to like her, right? So why does Will like her? Yeah, yeah. he needs something to do and she will lead him astray….. Yawn. Can we kill that storyline before it gains breath? Also? I thought we’d agreed we never needed to see Eli’s post coital bed head ever again. No, really. I meant that, show. Stop it. I did feel bad for the position he was put in….but you knew damn well he was going to walk. I’m thinking she got out while the getting was good, even if she’d like to believe otherwise.

Okay…on to Amazing Race: Tanzania. Can we just run the whole race there? That drive through the Ngorogoru Crater was so awesome. I want to GO!! NOW!! This feeling will fade next week when we head to India, if previous trips to India are any indication. This is traditionally where killer fatigue sets in and the teams all implode. And given the teams we’re dealing with this season…yeah, strap yourselves in and grab the ear plugs!

Things I loved this trip? Besides the incredible scenery? That Team Country Boys finally hit the mat first, despite Bopper’s bad knee. Also? Thank you show for pretty much keeping all but one or two tiny clips of Team Big Bro upbeat and non-sobby. We’re grateful. Keep that up, will you? I mean, we know it’s not like it wasn’t happening just as often as it usually does, we just say thank you for understanding we’ve already reached killer fatigue where they’re concerned. I was also thinking that it’s a shame that Team Beyotch/Aggro earned that moniker, because when they’re pleasant to each other, it’s not half bad. It’s just that they only do that half the time. Right? I know.

But the teams who get most of my disgust? Well, first, I keep trying to like Team Border Patrol, and for the most part, I do. I grew up in a law enforcement family and I understand you have to have a certain kind of arrogance when you’re willing to step into a situation where bullets might fly. It’s more or less vital. So, I cut them bunches of slack, especially since they otherwise have shown themselves to be Good Guys (donating some of their prize money to Team Country Boys.) But they really tested me, or AJ did, anyway, with his complete inability to just GET OVER IT. Sheesh! Dude. It’s a raaaaaaaaaace. You know better than to count on anyone. And why on earth would you decide, of all teams, to count on Dave and Rachel? Sigh. So…stop testing me. I want to love.

Who don’t I want to love? Ever? Well, we all know Team PassiveAggressive/AggroSpouses are just beyond saving at this point. And, honestly, Dave….dude, you really pulled a pouty face on the Amazing Bathmat when Kentucky quite fairly and squarely beat your butts? Really? Did you whine like that in combat, too? Of course, his pouty face did bring about pretty much my second favorite moment, after Team Country Boys winning the leg (okay, okay, my third favorite moment. Whoever put Phil in those jeans? And had him boogie to the tribal music? Keep up the great work!) But, after that, what I loved the very mostest? Was when, Dave, Pity Party of 1, was all “Oh no, it’s cool they won, but we just let ourselves down” and Phil jumped all up and down in his sh*t and more or less told him to shut up and give his wife some props, seeing as she’s raced her ass to the finish line first beside him FOUR TIMES. Seriously, Phil, madd huggz for that. There was even semi-eyebrow putdown porn. Will it make a difference in Dave? Ahahahahahahaaha. No. Of course not. And PassiveAggressiveRachel is just as intolerable because she’s so had it with Dave, we can’t stand listening to her pickpickpickpickpick at him, either.

So, here’s where we stand: I want Team Country Boys to win this. (And was I the only one kind of sad that when the finally win a leg, it wasn’t a cash prize or new cars or something their families could really use? I know Hawaii is cool and all…..but still….) I would be okay with Team Border Patrol coming in second to Team Country Boys, but only them. (Second to Dave/Rachel? Yikes. Not good.) I want Team Big Bro and TeamBeyotch/Aggro simply not to win. But! I want Rachel and Dave? To LOSE. Hard.

What say you, Blog Babes? Did you love Good Wife? Are you shocked to be rooting for Peter to win governor? Is Jackie faking? And who is the most satisfying winner of Amazing Race this year?

Before all the DISHing begins, don’t forget to enter this week’s Free Stuff Friday contest! Winner gets a book from my website bookshelf! To enter, just send an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with “The Good Wife…pfft! I want a Good Book!” in the subject line. (And please at least a first name in the body of the email, as I don’t want to use an email address to announce the winner.) Winner announced in Friday’s blog! Good luck!

Now? DISH!!

Tags: Writing // 1 Comment »

Well, it’s been a week of interesting show results, but I think Idol Top 7 Results gets the win on the most surprising this week. Or…do they?

First, a few observations on the show: What the hell happened to Steven Tyler’s hair? It was like he did an aging rock star Trump combover. Whoever thought that was a good idea? You’re fired! There were two musical performances last night. JHud looked great and though songs like that, with a repetitive hook that just gets sung over and over (and over, and over) are a lot more fun to dance to than to watch, I let the tape roll and didn’t FF. So, that was a major accomplishment. Same couldn’t be said for James Durbin. Oh, he Durbin’d up the stage all over the place and I even think I’d like the studio version of the song, it was just…a lot. So, yeah…FF. Sorry. But he’s still cute with his naive let-it-all-out-there kind of way, and I like the guy…so am happy to see him happy and doing well.

Okay, enough with that. Let’s get on with the results. So, last night they finally had results that were topsy turvy enough to play the “Put Them In Groups” game, along with the “Choose The Loser Group” game, which, thankfully, Skylar (who was announced as safe), the unlucky victim, was having no part of.

When it was all said and divided, we had Hollie, Philip, and Colton in one group and Joshua, Elise and Jessica in the other. Now, I knew as soon as Hollie was paired with Phillip, she was safe, despite Jimmy wanting us to believe that Phil2 sang so badly the night before that he was Bottom 3 material this week.

First off, oh no he di’int. It might not have been Phil at his most powerful, but he’s locked and loaded his fan base now, and they ain’t going anywhere. When Colton was added to the group, then it was a slam dunk who was safe. While I thought Hollie would go home after having the bus repeatedly driven over her poor, little body for the past few weeks, maybe America was tired of her being piled on without even a hint of positive balance. Because, I think we all agree that she’s adorable and can sing like no other, and, yes, needs to mature…but we also, apparently agree that they were way too harsh on her, even with all those things considered.

So…that leaves us with Joshua, Elise and Jessica. Now, Elise in the bottom didn’t surprise me at all. It’s clear she can sing, but it’s equally clear that a whole lot of us just don’t like her much. Something about her personality rubs a lot of us, myself included, in a really wrong way. And she can only sing Zepplin so many times. Okay, once. So…no shock there, at all, and I felt, she was the one going home, fo sho.

Until…it was Joshua sent to safety first, and not Jessica. THAT? Was the only surprise of the entire night for me. Because Joshua has been in the bottom and, as I’ve said in my recaps, I don’t know if he’ll build the necessary fan base. And, frankly, we’ve all been agreeing of late that while Jessica has a voice that’s amazeballs, she, personally, isn’t really drawing us in. So her landing in the bottom three wasn’t entirely surprising, either.

But, Jessica landing in the Bottom 2? Definitely more surprising. And I knew as soon as it was her and Elise that the only reason they’d have that clearly oddball pairing, was if it were Jessica as the one in danger. And? Yeppers, that was it.

Now…one additional aside: as soon as they showed the Bottom 3, Steven goes on record saying they were using their Judge’s Save, no question. I get they only have two weeks left to use it. But, honestly, Stevie? You’d have used it for Elise? Really? I somehow doubt that. And, frankly, I’d even be surprised if they used it for Joshua, though, with Jimmy now back firmly in his camp, maybe they would have. Jessica was, honestly, the only one up there with a guarantee save. The other two I could see them using it on? Phil2 and Colton. That’s it.

So…fortunately Johsua and Elise will never have to find out just where they’d have rated,because it was Jessica. Judges didn’t even let her get through her sing out. They storm the stage, take the mic away, and tell her to go have a sit down in the Seats of Safety.

Now, did they do the right thing with that save? Well, sure they did. Obviously she’s one of the most talented, if not the most talented, purely vocally. If not her, than who, right? BUT! Does this mean two go home next week? Cuz, girls, I’d be gettin’ real nervous right about now! Just sayin.

And? I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find Jessica right back in there again. Because, honestly, it’s not happening to her because she doesn’t sing well. Or didn’t sing well. So….what could she do at this point to earn the votes she’s not getting? Nothing. Unless it was one of those things where folks voted to save the on-the-brink singers and just didn’t vote for her….. Do you think that’s it? I’m not so sure.

So, I’ll go out on a limb and say next week? Jessica, Elise, and Hollie? Be careful. Joshua…. mmm. Maybe you as well. Phil and Colton? Sit back boyz. You don’t have to worry until it’s Final 2 time. Just sayin.

What say you Blog Babes? Let’s DISH!

Oh! Wait! First, let’s give a big cheer to this week’s Free Stuff Friday winner! Congratulations, Alicia R!!! WOOT!! You win a copy of any book from my website bookshelf. Just send me an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with a few title ideas (in case I’m out of your first choice) and in the mail it will go! Next week? Oh yeah, we’re doing it again!

So…check in Monday for all the Sunday Night Dish and a new contest! But rightthisverysecond? DISH!!

Tags: Writing // 10 Comments »

THIS! Is American Idol Top 7 Dish!

I feel like I’ve barely recovered from the craziness that was DWTS this week…and it’s already time for the Final 7 on Idol to sing at me. Motivating my blogging spirit is Ryan, who announces that FINALLY the kids have a chance to sing something, you know, relevant. They can choose any song from 2010 through to today. And it’s just about damn time. Now there is no reason for failure, and the pressure is on now to project the artist you are, and not the artist you are channeled through a Billy Joel song first performed before you were born.

Finally.

So, my hopes, they improve. We get Akon as the mentor this week, and the man has a pretty decent resume, I must say, and he’s attentive and interested…so let’s see what we get. (I’m not even going through the Hilfiger Fashion Moments any longer because…they’re not interesting and kids just wear whatever the hell they want anyway.) Also, the hometown stuff….with seven of them…after awhile, waving signs and crowds cheering just all kind of blur together. Suffice it to say each singer left has a crazy, sign-making hometown fan base who loves them and will scream until they’re physically sick just at the mention of their names…and just leave it at that.

Skylar is up first, choosing a song by Kellie Pickler. Jimmy and Akon don’t know it and are skeptical, but give it a listen…and she totally sells it. Akon is like who the hell is this and where did that voice come from? His use of a little foul language has Skylar blushing, but “welcome to Hollywood.” Just sayin. So, here we go. She does a nice job on it, and though Jimmy was also skeptical about her playing the guitar, I think it keeps her grounded on this song. It’s a big power ballad, not one she’s going to storm around the stage singing, so it keeps ber center stage behind the mic more believably. Nice job. Of course, part of me is thinking, with her being in danger…did they really need her to go first? Toss Elise up there, first, come on. But that was as memorable as she could possibly make it. She’ll either get the votes…or not. Judges…love.

Colton goes with Love the Way You Lie, and tries to out falsetto’s DeAndre, only not, because that was more squeaky than soulful and just, stop it. Please. Jimmy goes for the jugular and tells him straight out, “It’s between you and Phillip and you’re behind. How do we get him ahead.” Colton wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear this. They’re trying to push him to reach farther, but, frankly, it sounds exactly the same live as how he did it in rehearsal. Him at the piano, being all Coltonish and he’s incredibly good at being Colton, but I don’t think he has that distinct voice that when you hear it, you think, Ah, that’s Colton. He sounds generic pop to me. Good generic pop, but still…. When Phil sings, you know exactly who that is. And that’s going to be the difference between Colton not winning, and Phil, well….doing the exact opposite. And, the sad thing? There ain’t nothing he can do about it. Because he sang as beautifully as he was capable of, and it was quite pretty, but he’s still just Colton, a kid who sings really well…and might stand out amongst the 6 other singers on this show, and most of us sitting at home…but he won’t stand out from the pop world in general. Judges say he’s all signature and makes it all Colton. But while we get that on the show….would you get that listening to him on the radio? Mmmm. No.

First duo of the night: Elise & Phillip. Someone I Used to Know by Gotye. Elise fights for this song, Phil couldn’t be less enthused if he tried. Interestingly? It’s Phil’s parts I love best. Okay, okay, so yes, truth, I’m not an Elise fan, except, apparently when she sings Zepplin, and though I’m only a slightly more occasional fan of PhilSquared actually singing, especially when it’s a Jonny Lang song…this tally still goes squarely and firmly in the Phil Column tonight. Maybe because he wasn’t trying to pass his kidney stones through is larynx. And, admitted…this song suited Elise’s voice to a tee. I just don’t like her. Yeah. Total unfair bias, and yet, there you have it. Please don’t vote for her anymore. Please? I’ll even vote for Phil. Promise. Judges give it all to Elise, and duh. She sang most of it, because she picked it. Don’t care. Still picking Phil2.

Jessica is up. Sigh. I have Jessica Diva Bebe Whatever Fatigue. (I’m just a barrel of love tonight, aren’t I?) Singing a Jasmine Sullivan song that no one knows, so…okay. Akon and Jimmy fall all over themselves at how amazing she is, and, honestly, she’s 16 with pipes like no other. I get it. And then some. I really do. And it’s impressive. I’m impressed as hell, every week. And immediately forget what she sang when the next person comes out. What did she sing last week? The week before? Do you recall? Did you download it? No? Well….ya kinda have to at least want to do that to be a pop artist beyond this show. And, like Colton, only for completely different reasons and at the total opposite end of the naturally gifted vocals spectrum…the end result is still the same. Even if she wins this, I don’t see her being a pop stah. Sorry, Beebs.

I know. Seriously. I need some pepping up. Sadly, HeeJun & DeAndre are gone. So… Hmm…where did I put the Oreos. Maybe a nice cookie buzz would help. It certainly can’t hurt.

Oh, right. Jessica still has to sing. And she does. There’s a little JHud vibe to this. Hmm….Well, that was interesting anyway! As close to being relevant and marketable as I’ve ever heard her. Maybe she’s been the biggest victim of the prior theme weeks of all then. Maybe if she’d done current stuff continuously, we’d have gotten a better feel for who she’d be on the radio. The crowd and judges go wild. Deserved. As always. Me? Five minutes later…I am in a heavy debate with myself. Twist and lick? Dunk and munch? Hmmm…..

Joshua is up with his weekly Copacabana Jacket. He’s turned 20 this week, so he’s a big boy now to go with that ridonkulous gospel huge voice. But…I won’t be a scratched record, just…See: Jessica. Colton. In his case, I would love to see him live, as it’s got to be incredibly wild and powerful, and he’s a very visual performer as well. In concert? I’d be dancing and having myself a real good time. But I don’t know that I want him screaming like that through my headphones. Know what I mean? This week he’s singing Bruno Mars and maybe we’ll get a bit of a revelation about him as we did about Jessica. Hope so. I like the guy…just have a hard time visualizing what the audio experience would be like with him, up close and iPod personal. My ears hurt a little, just thinking about it. Jimmy has concerns with him connecting to urban and pop worlds, and, see? Exactly. But they love the guy and his quiet, willing-to-learnness, as do I. And you know what? He kills this!! THIS I’d download. Tonight. Finally, something to get excited about. I hope it’s not too late for him to get the fans on his bandwagon, because that was marketable. Now, is it unique enough, vocally to stand out in a crowd? I think his passion makes it distinctive. In the way that James Brown was like that. You can’t fake that. You can’t learn that. So…hmmm… I put the Oreos down to watch and listen. So, there’s that! Is it something like the Zepplin and Lang performances, that I’ll remember next week, and the week after? I still don’t know that part. Maybe not. But it was a giant step in the right direction. (And the all girl brass section? Oh, I totally LOVED that!) Judges? Lose their collective minds. Standing O. And I’m way okay with that. Made me a believer.

Can I just say that, HELLO SHOW! When you let them sing stuff that makes sense? A really good show happens. Just sayin. Jot that down.

Colton & Sylar duet and I’ve just totally ignored all the romance rumors, because….I don’t see it. Your mileage may vary. They sing another country duet. Aldean/Clarkson. And…okay. Didn’t grip me. They weren’t exactly in harmony or something. I dunno. (Okay, so I made it 30 seconds and fast forwarded. I don’t even know what the judges said. Sue me.)

Hollie’s up. She’s singing Perfect by Pink. Akon explains that she hasn’t hit that girl-to-woman moment. Big voice, but not the experience to sell it in a way that’s charismatic and, well, sexy. If you know what I mean. Not sexual, but charming and gripping. By the throat, can’t-look-away. And I don’t know that she has that in her. It either comes naturally at her age, or it will come with accumulated experience. Or…it never will. I don’t know. But I doubt it’s going to happen in the next three weeks, which, for her, is not good news. She’s a cutie pie, and I love her. And it’s some kind of scientific impossibility that that huge voice comes out of that tiny body…. But, if it’s Colton v Phil. It’s Hollie v Jessica. Also young, but she has it naturally. Hollie’s gonna lose that battle. This year. And? She punches out the ballad as we know she can. Kicks ass on the last note. But, comparatively only, I don’t think this saved her. Judges? Yep, trying not to trash her, because it just feels mean now. They know, and we know, it’s about things she can’t fix. (I mean, when Steven says he didn’t love it and the crowd just goes silent and doesn’t even try to boo him, just out of underdog support, that’s bad, y’all. Awww. I hate that. But, I get it, too.) Her voice is great. She deserves heaps of praise for her crazy big vocal ability, but in this particular contest, she’s not the lead but the follower. (And who’d have thought that Papa Randy would come through and throw her a bone, because he clearly felt bad for her. Not me, but thank you all the same. She should have gotten that much.)

That said? Yeah, she can kiss that Judge’s Save good-bye. We just saw that confirmed.

Phil2 is up next with acoustic Maroon 5. I’m on board. Jimmy and Akon are on it, trying to work the performance to get the right result. Jimmy is right about Phil and Colton having the crowd love. And Jimmy is going to sign the winner of this shindig. And he wants it to be Phil. Clearly. We’ll see… The one great thing about Phil? He listens to Jimmy, and the mentors, and you know he respects them, and he’s absorbing what they say. But then he processes it…and applies it to what his gut tells him is the right way to go. He wants to win playing his music his way, singing like he sings. If that gets him the vote, more the better. But, if it doesn’t…well, then too bad, so sad, because he can’t change who he is. And THAT right there is what it’s all about. Much like I do writing books and dealing with my editor. Who I love and adore and trust like no other. But…end of the day, it’s my book, my work, my voice. I get it. I also get I can’t be anyone else’s voice, even if it’s more marketable, or what’s more “in” or whatever. For better for worse, bestseller lists or remainder bins, I’m me and that’s all I can aspire to be. So I aspire to be the best me out there. Took me the better part of 20 years in my industry to own that. Phil’s already most of the way there already. And for that, he has my very madd respect. And it’s why I not only want him to win this, but why he should win this. Just because I don’t always love his voice doesn’t mean I don’t get why he’s the one with the readymade career, there for the taking. Here we go…. So, Jimmy is right that it’s a little tame, and lacks some of his gut-soul licks, but given I like it when he eases up on the throat grinding throttle, I enjoy it. The song isn’t as catchy as it could be, though, and that’s the only thing it lacked for me. All that said…my opinion, it changes not at all. Winner. Judges? Go for it. Won’t matter. (And I promised I’d vote for him….and I did.)

Duet: Hollie & Joshua…and Jessica sing Kelly Clarkson. Starts off kind of low so they can punch up to the Stronger chorus. I didn’t care for the harmonies with Jessica, but Joshua and Hollie sounded okay. Aaaaand, yeah. I ff’d. Sorry.

Closing the show is…Elise. I know. They’re trying to save her. Please, America, don’t let them win. I don’t know what she’s wearing. It’s scary. She gets a Jason Siegal shout out….and…awkward! She..does not help herself in this exchange. They show this whole “how to vote for Elise” thing one of her friends did. And…she seems really underwhelmed by it all. Very phoning in the hometown enthusiasm. Whatever. We know I’m biased here. And not in a good way. Can she just sing now? Please? She wants to do Gaga. On the drums. (Am I the only one channeling DeAndre? “Oh, Lord have mercy.”) Jimmy and Akon basically gag on the drums idea. She says she feels like something has to happen. Akon sums it up. “What needs to happen is you need to kill it.” Does she have another Zepplin in her? I mean, she can pick ANYTHING current this week. But, I’m not feeling it going her way. Akon appears to be as enthusiastic about the chances of that as I do. And, here we go…at the piano she tries to Elise up Gaga, but…yeah. No. It just got shouty and screamy at the end. And not in a good way. Bottom 3? I think so. Judges? Loved it. Really? That was not a moment, Randy. Really??

So, Hollie and Elise are going to be Bottom 2. Who makes it three? I don’t know. Shouldn’t be Skylar this time. But with Joshua, Phil, Colton and Jessica as the only other options? Could be. I think Joshua would be the only risk, only because he’s been there before. Ultimately? Could go either way, her or Hollie. I think Hollie this week, tho.

What say you, Blog Babes? Don’t forget to enter this week’s Free Stuff Friday contest, win a book. See end of Monday’s blog post for entry details. Then get back on over here and DISH! Who goes? Who wins it all?

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Again, we kick it off with KISS…and they never get old for me. They sounded great. And, hey! The show listened to me a little, Mark and Chelsie were part of the troupe dancing to the rockin’ opener. It’s a start. I bet it was awesome in the house. Would love to have been there.

And we’re LIIIIIIIIVE once again…and, once again, I blog as I watch…. Yes. Anything might happen.

I really enjoy listening to the behind the stage things they say to each other, and during the dance. It really shows the teamwork and chemistry each team shares this season. They show Melissa banging her head during the spine on Maks, which - ouch! But when she feels dizzy backstage and they decide to err on the side of caution and send her to to the ER for possible concussion (which it turns out, she did have) my love for Gavin grew three times its normal size (which, we know, is already pretty damn big) because he didn’t hesitate, he just scooped Melissa up and carried her down all those flights of stairs out to the ambulance. Now that’s my kinda guy! Man, I hope he doesn’t go out this week. I don’t want Gladys to leave, either, but this week…Gavin should stay.

So, per doctors orders, Melissa is taking it easy and not on the show tonight. Maks and his very gorgeous bare chest, turns out, also hurt his arm, but he shrugs it off. He thanks Gavin for the assist with his partner (Maks was also comforting her backstage, but Gavin happened to be next to her when they needed to carry her down from the balcony to the backstage area off the stage.) Maks, his gorgeous chest, & Melissa get the word they are safe.

But…what about Gavin and Karina? Suspense…..and YES!! Safe! He’s not even in the bottom this week. You know, sometimes the world gets things right. And this was super right.

He’s so sincerely surprised and thrilled, it made me a bit verklempt, yes indeed it did. He keeps saying “this is the best week ever!” and he’s so pumped. Seriously, I love this guy to bits. Whew! I can relax now. Thank you show for getting that out of the way up front.

Of course, as soon as that sinks in…I wonder….oh no! So who IS going to be in the bottom this week?? Ruh roh. Tom informs us that this isn’t the only surprise of the night! As Gavin was the only remaining contestant who has been in the bottom 2 before…it will be all new faces. And Tom thinks we’re gonna be surprised! Well…beyond Gladys, I can’t even begin to guess. Jack was really a surprise last week…so who knows! Sherri? Tom gets more foreboding by saying it could be the shock of the season! (And we’re only in Week 4!!) Ruh roh again… is it William?? Gosh, I hope not! Would be too cruel to giveth Gavin and taketh away William.

I’m actually excited to see the performance tonight by the new Vegas Dancing With the Stars show cast, with some of our old celeb faves, along with the Karina and hot ballet guy. At first I was thinking two hour results were just too much, but I’m getting more okay with it by the minute!

We get an encore tonight and it goes to Donald and Peta - well earned. While they dance, I’m thinking about how crazy close this season is…then I remember that next week, we get the dance off! Seriously, best season ever.

Next, we have Glady/Tristan, Derek/Maria, and Kym/Jaleel. When asked how he’s going to break out of the middle of the pack, Jaleel deadpans “Nudity.” Brooke can’t handle spontaneous humor, so she sends it back to Tom. We show us dance floor snippets of Maria/Derek’s performance last night and you can see there, at the end, how much pain Maria is in. She’s clinging to Derek and that smile is more frozen grimace. I honestly don’t know how she even did that. Then, hilarity! as we see Gladys asking Gene Simmons “well, how long is it?” (Referring to his tongue, people. And yet…still kinda raunchy! And funny!) I’m going to hate it if she goes, too. Can we just keep them all and have like exhibition dances each week? And dang! Little Richard was in the house last night, too! Watching Gladys. That’s crazy! (I think he was in a wheelchair…so must not be doing well, but he was dressed up in Little Richard style!) I also finally figured out the Rita Wilson/John Stamos/Nia Vardalos triumvirate. They’re the “Greek contingent” there to route on fellow Greek, Maria. DUH. And Jaleel? post performance last night? Funnier!

Who is safe? Maria and Derek! Woot! Jaleel/Kym are announced safe and they just stand there, looking all smooth and cool about it and I’m like, well a little excitement wouldn’t hurt… until they realized it was their names called safe (apparently they can’t hear the announcements) then it’s all joy and happiness. So…that leaves…Gladys/Tristan to be in the Bottom Two. Only WHAT? They’re safe, too!!! In the words of DeAndre, “Oh Lord have mercy.” Wow. Gladys is so stunned and absolutely thrilled, you knew she was afraid she was the one, to

So….who in the hell is in the Bottom 2? That means not one, but two of the five remaining teams could leave. Dang!! We’ve got Roshon, Donald, Katherine, William, and Sherri. Roshon and Sherri, maybe? Wow, Tom wasn’t kidding!

Before we find out…it’s time for some entertainment! The show has apparently challenged their pros to bring them projects they’re passionate about, and first up is Karina and the new project she’s launched with prime ballet star Jose Manuel Carreno. They’ve started the Passion Project foundation together, to help kids through dance, and are purposely melding ballroom and ballet as a way to cross all boundaries. Now they’re up, with music performed live by Gotan Project...we get their Argentine tango. Rawr! From the rehearsal clips alone, I know I’m ready to watch. Pass me my fan, will you? And? That was nice! Loved the music! That’s what we need for tango week!

More results! For the two top scorers - Donald and Roshon. One of the kind of cool things I noticed about this week is that the KISS guys are totally hanging out with the teams the whole time. They’re completely into this, tracking it all. I love that! You never see the entertainment talent hanging out like that, in the hallways, everywhere. And of course, being in full makeup and costume just makes it more amusing. Tom tells us one team is safe, one in the Bottom 2. Crazy!

Peta looks crushed already. And pissed. Whereas the kids look professional and happy. Donald and Peta are safe, so she cracks the happy smile. Donald drops to the floor in a fake faint. That means, yes, Chelsie/Roshon are in the Bottom 2. I’d predicted him maybe landing in the bottom before this week, due to his lack of fan base, but lack of fan base hasn’t hurt William or Katherine (yet) and he was surviving, too. And on a good scoring week when they went next to last, it is more surprising this week than it would have been in the previous two.

Yay! Now we get the preview of the new DWTS Vegas show and guess who’s hosting? Carson Kressley! LOVE! And squee!! More adore from me. Some of the stars in the show are Joey Fatone, Tia Carrare, Sabrina Bryant, Kyle Massey. AND? Carson is dancing, too! Lacey is one of the pros I noticed, but… who else? Ooooh, Dmitry! And wait, one of the pros is the ballroom dancer from So You Think You Can Dance who dances with Pasha. What is her name? I love her. And is Pasha dancing, too? Dang, I might have to book a trip to Vegas! They’re dancing to one of my favorite ballroom beats, Hip Hip, Chin Chin. I’ve had that on my iPod since they used it on SYTYCD years ago. The Vegas showgirl revue in the beginning is cool, but I’m waiting for them to pop out the stars…and oh, they do! Look at Kyle go! Shaking his groove thang! And is that Sabrina as his partner? Yes! They look amazing! Wow, it’s all such a flurry. So much energy, loving it!!

Wanna go? Here’s the link with all the info! DWTS Tropicana

Now for Sherri, William and Katherine results. My guess is Sherri. Safe first is…Katherine & Mark. Man, they have to find a way so they can hear the results on stage. They weren’t sure if their names were called for bottom or safe, either. But there is massive, whooping relief for both when they realize it was safe.

Tom is right, there hasn’t been a results show this tense in a very long time. And we’re only at Top 10! Only 2 teams have gone home and it’s already like this. Crazy!

So? Am I right, is it Roshon and Sherri? Because, it would be too cruel to take William and his very fine backside away before Latin Week. Come ON. Let him shake his bon bons, then we’ll talk! And, the other safe team is? William and Cheryl! YES! Well, speaking totally for myself, this week ain’t going bad for me at ALL!

So, that means, indeed, the Bottom 2 is Sherri and Roshon. (Hey, I only picked them from half the teams, but I did pick em!) Still…I really have no idea who is going. Roshon has the smaller fan base, but he’s pretty charming. Still…I think it’s him. Sherri is already sad and tearful, she wants it so badly. Roshon is hamming, but that’s how he rolls. And? He’s a kid. So, I find myself hoping Sherri stays in it.

Going home? Alas…it’s Sherri. Awww. She gives a motivational, totally class exit. Awww some more. I’m going to have to watch Kimmel now.

So….if this is what we have to look forward to for the next few months….wow! And yikes! Can you imagine what’s going to happen next week when the Bottom 2 Dance Off and the judges decide? Cah-razyness!!

Sign me up! Finally, results shows that are just as exciting s the performance shows!

Don’t forget to enter this week’s Free Stuff Friday Contest! Winner gets ANY book from my website bookshelf. To enter, check end of Monday’s blog for details. Winner announced in Friday’s blog post!

Then, come back over here and DISH! What did you think about tonight? Were you surprised? Or are there no real surprises this year, given how close they all are? Who is your fave? Who goes home next week?

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It’s Rock Week on Dancing With the Stars and we’re LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

We open with a stellar performance by KISS. And you know what’s great about them? I grew up with them, and so I’ve watched other rockers age as they still perform (Bowie, Mick, Aerosmith, Rod Stewart, Bon Jovi, Sting, etc) and the big advantage KISS has is that, with all that make up on? Yeah, they look exactly the same! They never age! Why didn’t we think of that?? Then I thought…man, after all these years, how tired are they of sitting through those make up sessions? Still, Gene Simmons? Owns it.

Now, it can’t go without mentioning, given this is a recap and all…but the troupe dancers for the opening number? Yeah. Bad. Like….totally negated all the rocker street cred going on up on stage with some sort of gender role reversal outfits on that didn’t flatter anybody, and just….Show, can we pleeeeeeease get rid of the troupe? Let the pros who’ve been voted off come back and get the work and the paycheck, or the ones not on the current season. They’re the ones we want to see. I kept looking for Lacey and Anna during that routine. Sorely lacking. Also? While we’re on the costuming…Brooke, Brooke, Brooke… You hosted Rock Star , for goodness sake, and you always looked great. This is way more Bride of Frankenstein Meets Rocky Horror. So much to work with…how do they screw that up?

On the other hand, the costumes coming down the stairs as our teams enter get me a little excited. Well, okay, okay, initially, because there seemed to be a lot of flesh going on with the guys, so naturally I was holding out hope that if they felt the need to get that naked, then William must be coming out in a loin cloth or something. Alas…no. (Although there was leather!) BUT! I was excited anyway, because from the flavor of the costumes, looks like we’re FINALLY getting to my favorite dances….oh yeah….the Tango and Paso!!! Woot! And on rock week…maybe the music will fit the mood. Especially for the paso. Of course, according to Tom, we’re also getting jive, and I can see that working…unfortunately for some, it’s Viennese Waltz and….yeah. Wow. So sorry for you. And for us. I…well, I’ll just send up a prayer now that Stoner Music Dude took a break this week and somoene else chose the music. But why aren’t they all doing paso or tango? Weird.

Alright, so on with the show!

Going first is Sherri and Val, dancing tango to Quiet Riot. Sherri’s looking good and they do the cute mad in rehearsal, but their chemistry is clearly genuine and good. Val is clearly taking on the Chmerkovskiy Skin Show this week, and the Leather/Latex Show as well, for which I am not complaining. But that’s mostly because it’s a needed distraction from their tango, which, sadly, isn’t as fab as I’d hoped. The choreo is a bit clunky for Sherri’s shortness and there isn’t enough of that staccato/sharp movement in her head turns and footwork. She kind of walk/kicked through it. I wish it wasn’t so! Judges? Len was far kinder than I anticipated. Bruno agrees with my sharp kick comment, but it’s Carrie Anne who nails it: she was expressionless and didn’t channel her exuberance into the fierce passion we needed for it to work. So true! Scores: 21 And, based on scoring this season, that’s par. I appreciated that she didn’t take the “working two jobs” cop out Brooke offered her.

Mark & Katherine do the paso next. As we go to the commercial break, Katherine (who is all in black Catwoman gear, look out!) is dancing with KISS guitarist as we see Mark tied up in the back. HA! Oh, were it only so. Back in rehearsals, turning cute, tiny Katherine into the Welsh Warrior needed for her to do paso is….challenging. And yet, she’s still adorably cute at it. Seriously, it should be so easy to hate her, and yet, I want her as my bestie. Don’t you? And? Oh yeah, they bring it to the dance floor (in spite of a very namby pamby version of their song being sung.) I think she has such a feel for theatrics, whether subdued or over the top, because she understands the nuances from singing opera…because she partners Mark’s over-the-top stuff really well and manages to keep all eyes on her. She’s so Catwoman hot, it does makes me wish she had a more manly man partnering her for the paso than Mark (I mean, come on, she’s in killer queen black spandex bodysuit, cape coat, and spike heels….and he’s in emo jeans and….sneakers. No, seriously.) But he does put together some really strong choreo and she does a good job with it, though it was a little frantic. All in all for the first paso of the season, I’m happy! Judges? Agree with me…good, but not all there. Scores:24 Fair on the current scale.

Next up? Jaleel & Kym do the tango to Mick Jagger…and, sadly, Jaleel has had no exposure to the rock legend. Of course, to listen to him tell it, he grew up on soul and R&B, so perhaps it would have been moot regardless. Kym coaxes him along and…I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know if Jaleel is as genuinely cool and smooth as I thought he was in the initial weeks. (Yes, yes, I read all about his apparent blow up with Kym during rehearsals before last week’s show, where other pros had to intervene, but both have said it was blown out of proportion, and from rehearsal footage, they seem to do just fine with each other.) And yet…whereas it surprised me to read about him having any kind of meltdown before…now I get a different vibe. It started last week with all his talk of his tv characters and such. A hint of narcissism or something… Just me? Okay. He still gets the benefit of the doubt, but…my eye’s on you, Urkel! He does make me laugh when he compares Jagger’s infamous swagger to that of George Jefferson…and he’s SO right! OMG - HA! Makes me want someone to do a film mashup, you know? I love their outfits and Jaleel’s entrance to the floor is cute, with the Jagger Swagger. It’s not the most impressive tango, but they do a really good, entertaining job of it. It’s cheeky more than sexy. He does great on those high kicks, wow! Judges? Agreed. Scores: 22 I think they should have gotten 23-24, comparatively.

Melissa & Maks dance the paso. Maks does some of the best paso choreo, so hopefully he can get Melissa with it this week. You know, all of the partnerships are having a harder time this week, with the pros pushing hard as the competition is so tight this season, and yet, no real drama or angst. Mostly I just see people working really hard, even through the frustration, and it seems to me, they all genuinely like each other. SO nice for a change! Okay, so here we go, and? Love Mak’s open front jacket, the styling of it…but the matador tights? Just…no. Should be trousers and then the whole thing would be hot. Melissa looked great, loved her dress. But she seems a step behind in this and always rushing to catch up. Maks put some really fast, really tricky choreography on her this week and maybe it was a bit too ambitious, because that’s only good if you can make it look good. She did well when it slowed down and she had to be the one in charge, but otherwise… Judges? Kinder than me. Bruno exactly echos me. Carrie Anne gets it right, too. (How is it that Len is being the Paula one tonight?) Scores:22 And, on par with the night.

Donald & Peta get the paso, dancing to Jimi Hendrix. Hopefully he nails this. He’s impressed so far. And that bare chest? Oh yeah, that’s impressive! Purple Haze is a great paso song, and it plays well to Peta’s over-dancing (she’s a lot like Mark in that) but Donald is a big, impressive guy, who partners like a man, not a mouse, so he makes it all work. I thought it was the most demonstrative, macho paso of the night, for sure. Not the cleanest, (and put the KISS tongue away, Donald!) but I really enjoyed it. By far the most energy. Judges loved it! Scores:27 Definitely earned.

Gladys & Tristan dance the tango. I adore her. I love her drive, I love her determination. She’s hilarious in practice, with her nasty rock stank face!! HA! I hope she kills it! (Her measuring Tristan’s KISS tongue, only to turn around to find Gene Simmons in full makeup providing his for the measuring tape, also hilarious.)

And then? Holy crap, who in the hell thought this was a good idea? Aww, come on SHOW! Bohemian Rhapsody? Really? As a results night bit of humor, having Tom’s face, and the three judges faces in black silhouette, a la Queen, and singing the song (horribly) would have been hilarious. But these guys are competing here! Wow, that was just atrocious. And yikes, yikes, yikes, every bit as horrifying a song to dance to as expected. The all over the place staccato beat of the song doesn’t work at all with this dance (and doubtful with any dance.) It’s not really a song, in that regard. Just…BOO! Poor Gladys. And poor Tristan for having to try and make up any decent choreo to that. I don’t even want to hear the judges. agreed the song sucked and so she gets pained love. Like…not her fault, show. Len tries hard to be kind (is he on something tonight? I like it!) as do Bruno and Carrie Anne, but given she’s already a low scorer, this just seemed unfair all around. Scores:20 Which was generous, but fair to give her a bit of an edge, given the bad music.

You know, for a week featuring strong music and my favorite dances, it hasn’t been as great as I’d hoped (too soon in the season, perhaps?) but, yet, it’s been a very enjoyable show to watch!

Okay, so next up are William & Cheryl, woo hoo hoo, folks! But….hold up, what?? Okay, ’splain this to me. All night it’s been Paso & Tango…but instead of getting to watch William the Conquerer dance like ze bull…he gets…the jive? Wha? Whose idea what that?? And to….Twisted Sister? What? The whole choreo/hair thing was funny, but I was incredibly thankful we’d already seen him and Cheryl on the floor and he was clearly NOT wearing that for the performance. It takes a lot to make that man look ugly, but they pulled it off. But damn, he looked good with those kicks in practice. Let’s hope he brings that to the dance floor. And? Oh yeah. That fine looking man can dance, can’t he? It’s like the gift that just keeps on giving. Sorry. No typing. Watching. And sipping. And fanning. WOW. That was SO fast and he was ON it! Dayum. Best of the night…..eh, right up until they screwed up big time on the swing around the legs thing - awwww! A shame, because, for me, there were 10’s coming before that! Still, it was the most skilled dance any of the celebs have done tonight, screw up and all. Cheryl is a lucky, lucky girl. I can almost forgive them for not letting me see him paso…almost. Judges? Okay, now, seriously, Len? NOW you get sh*tty? Really? They killed it, doing the fastest dance, hardest choreo, with the most content of the night, and except for that one part - which, granted, was an absolute total screw up - they were all over it….and Len’s got nothing nice to say? I guess they need to bring down the guy to keep the scores even - though the screw up would do that anyway. Still….dude. Bruno and Carrie Anne can’t find anything nice to say, either, other than the crowd likes him. Well…duh. But I thought that was a really ambitious dance and no love for tackling it and doing (mostly) really well. I mean, compared to the others? Who all got tongue baths? Come on! Scores? 22 Surprising, given the thrashing they gave him, but I’m relieved they gave him that much. Still…I’m annoyed.

Roshon is up, dancing Viennese Waltz with Chelsea. (I’m not getting dance selection at all this week - and why are there any waltzs for Rock Week?) Chelsea is right that he has really long, gangly limbs, so looking stiff and formal in hold with this dance is really tricky for him, even when he’s kind of getting it, his arms are so much longer than hers he has to curve them in to keep hand in hand. There are a few other wobbles, too, but otherwise, the dance has a really lovely, charming quality to it, and it’s a nice respite from all the head banging. I’m glad they didn’t try and make them waltz to Aerosmith or something. Naturally they don’t nail them on the wobbles. Judges: Total tongue bath. And I’m glad for Roshon, I am. He’s a sweet kid, and it was cute getting Len to say the words Roshon has clearly worked hard for “good job, dawg” HA! But Carrie Anne? Best male dancer of the bunch? Mmmm. I don’t know. I think Donald, Jaleel, and William all have skills Roshon doesn’t have, and vice versa, so balances in the end. But, whatever. Maybe the judges just really resent how crazy the ballroom goes for William so had to knock him down. Still, they’ve found something nice to say about every single dancer…except him. And he’s a sincerely nice guy. Just seemed off to me. So, it bugs. Still. Scores:26

Next to last, it’s Maria & Derek. And, poor thing. First she has cracked ribs, now stress fractures in her feet. She definitely wins the Wounded Warrior award, and then some. Because girl don’t complain, she just gets on it. And that’s impressive. Derek is super supportive and that’s sweet to see, too. I finally figured out who she reminds me of in her get up tonight - Grace, from Will & Grace. Ha! (Well, for the first five second, and rrrrrowr! Wow! Sexy Maria!) They get tango to Alice Cooper’s School’s Out. Derek is such a superb choreographer that he makes it a great song for this dance, which, in the hands of someone else, with the tempo changes, might not have been the case. You know, I had lost affection for him and he and Mark were being so super competitive for those few seasons, so it’s good to have him back to the Likable Derek. Really well done. Best of the night and glitch free! How she did that with busted feet and ribs, I have no idea. (Hello Rita Wilson, John Stamos, and Nia Vardalos in the audience!) Judges? Love. Well earned. The piggy back during judges comments was a little awkward looking, I have to say….lol…but seriously, she’s a warrior. (Was that David Hasselhoff behind Tom just now?) Scores:26 Should have been a 27-28.

Serious, it’s celebs in the audience week. Hey, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

And, last up, our sweet adorkable Gavin with Karina, and they get tango. Dancing to the Stone’s Painted Black, here we go. I love his outfit - a lot! And the make up, all of it. And, you know what? For Gavin, who really struggles with any dance moves, he did a really good job! I was suitably impressed. And he’s so damn endearing. Judges: Kindness along with decent critiques. (Where was that for William?) HA, loved his banter with Brooke. (B: Did you do enough to get out of the Bottom 2? G: Absolutely not.) Seriously, I love this guy. Scores:23 Wow, generous! But I can’t complain, because he’s a darling.

Not the strongest week, score wise, but a fun night all the same! Still loving everyone! Ooh, Tom lets us know that Melissa hurt herself and has gone off to the emergency room. Crazy night! Hope she’s okay. I couldn’t help but think it’s going to be really tough for anyone else who gets hurt as they kind of have to live up to the superwoman Maria or feel like a wimp! (Edited to add: turns out she got a mild concussion during her dance, her head hit the floor, but she’ll be okay!)

Final tally:
27 Donald/Peta
26 Roshon/Chelsie
26 Maria/Derek
24 Katherine/Mark
23 Gavin/Karina
22 Jaleel/Kym
22 Melissa/Maks
22 William/Cheryl
21 Sherri/Val
20 Gladys/Tristan

Bottom Three: well, it’s doubtful it will play out as the tally board shows. But Gladys, probably. And, much as I love the guy, Gavin, probably, too. Who joins them? Anyone’s guess. And, since they don’t always make the last “team in jeopardy” the actual bottom 3 vote getter, we might never know. I’m thinking Gavin gets one more week and it’s Gladys’ turn this week. We’ll see tonight!

Next week? Mmmmm, Latin Week. With live music by Santana! And, we get the Dance Off starting next results show. Oooooh, can’t wait!

And tonight? Not one, but TWO brand new NCIS’s to enjoy. New Gibbs and New Callen! I’m in!! Be sure to check my Facebook Fan Page later this afternoon to see the which photo we add to Mark Harmon’s own personal album this week! (Yes, he has his own album, because…duh!

Don’t forget to enter this week’s Free Stuff Friday contest! See Monday’s blog post for all the details. Then come back on over here and DISH!

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